The Village Idiot: 

by Patrick Nwadike:

{Dedicated to Prof. Wole Soyinka, he is a month away from his next birthday}.

It was not something that has never been seen. It’s just that this case is different but all the same, it’s in same shoe like most cyclostyled ideas. The king asked his subjects to dig in a great wall and perforate the wall at two ends. From this wall, at the other side, much like Iraq “Green Zone”, through those perforated ends, they can view their enemies. The wall was made of mud. It was so solid that when arrows are fired, on hitting the wall, the arrows twist and bend. Due to modern technology, dissenters aim with other means. Even Iraq fortified Green zone does experience twilights of thunder. When totally disarmed, humans use body parts, for instance, shoe throwing on Bush and of most recent, Premier Wen Jiabao of pseudo-Communist China. Even pugnacious OBJ did not escape pastes of eggs and tomato in London.

Well, the king, having secured his fetish enclave, now, began his ruler ship. I say fetish enclave because it’s all designed with human assurances. First, he fired a warning shot by sending an irritant cripple packing from his estate. This was to be expected since the cripple has long qualified for Japanese Manga. It was therefore not an achievement per se. To further his power, the king took more maiden angels under his rapper and when he found a few married women by the water cistern, he brought them in and plucked their flowers. His subjects doubted but gave him a benefit of doubt. What more were they supposed to do; it is difficult to see the king, how much more complain. The best anyone could do was to muse silently.

Well again, there came the festivity…the kings first daughter was being giving away in marriage. All the dignitaries were sited. The best of everything edible has been readied as such occasion demanded. The band leaders, soothsayers, star-gazers were all there. Even rainmakers were positioned to stop the rain or at the cost of their blood if ever a pee drops from heaven. At the right time, the king will make his entrance and as expected, he did colorfully. Before such a debut, such an entrance, a bull that has not been castrated, that is, with its man-hood intact must be slaughtered and some red cap chiefs must approach him begging him to ascend the throne. Reluctantly, he will take a stride, then two and mount the thrown. Is like saying “please, come and rule us”. The king’s attitude is not far from the politics of Nigeria. Some politicians look for God’s approval before they accept to serve while some have their palace invaded by citizens before they can give consent.

Talking about the festivity, on this day, at this time, the stage was already set. Angelina, the most beautiful beau in the enclave entered from her mother’s side and as arranged, the king emerged unsmiling. All through, Angelina’s husband stood waiting under a steaming sun to embrace his bride. That he chooses this part is entirely his own cross. The king now ordered the occasion to start. There was drumming, jingling and cymbals. In fact, chestnut of activities took centre stage. People jiggled, giggled, slinked, blinked, twinkled and danced.

Even before the king emerged, guests had ate and drank to their full. It was at this point, at the height of the festivity that the people created way for the king to take centre stage. He was not a man of many words or rather; he pretended not to be a man of many words. Still unsmiling, he signaled his daughter to approach the bridegroom. The king’s daughter regally walked gracefully to her bridegroom.

And just at this point, entered OSIRIS, the Village Idiot.

And OSIRIS was as always completely drunk.

And OSIRIS staggered from right to left.

And OSIRIS swayed from left to right.

And OSIRIS muttered inaudible.

And his dramatic entrance made people turn.

And he moved towards the bride and bridegroom.

And he did not need any drink, having one ‘ogogoro’ with him.

And he had a duty to perform.

And he raised Angelina’s hand.

And he shouted, “o mu me lia” {I was the one that did it}.

And OSIRIS gave the king daughter’s hand to her husband.

And the husband clutched it without letting go.

And OSIRIS turned, facing the gate to leave.

And OSIRIS getting to the king’s gate, stood, opened his ‘ogogoro’.

And OSIRIS drank it and threw the bottle there.

The crowd was not amused. How dare OSIRIS bring his petition on the street? How dare he bring to the fore what is already a pepper-soup and beer parlor talk?

Even the king could not believe what he was seeing. He ordered OSIRIS arrested, incarcerating him less he do more damage. Sleepless nights became the king daughter’s cross. So, she invaded the king’s sleep asking for OSIRIS release. After three days, the king in dilemma released OSIRIS, the Village Idiot.

 It was at the point of his release that the curtain fell but OSIRIS will have none of it.

And he burst through the curtain.

And seizing the centre stage.

And singing or rather shouting, he made his way to the kings palace.

On his arrival, he had splashes of water. Osiris thought the king must be taken a shower with his maiden angels. Osiris made his way to the back, avoiding the perforated wall. He was sure the king will never worry about him; that his incarceration has made him a closed chapter. Yet, he was more alert. Not a drop of alcohol was in his lips. The Village Idiot had set himself up for a long night of performances. He scaled the fence from the back. Gradually, he approached the source of the noise from a wooded area.

Osiris thought he was witnessing an episode inside King of Swaziland’s Palace. The maiden angels stood looking down a pool of water; all the angels in their original form. Osiris had seen this kind of beauty before and so, did not loose concentration. He advanced closer but in a stealth form. He saw a body floating on top of water with all parts inside the pool except a protruding stomach. He raised himself up and gazed for assurances and at that moment one of the angels noticed a movement. Osiris was not to cause panic. He showed his face to the first maiden angel and before she could give a shout, Osiris came into full glare to all.

The maiden angels uttered “who are you?”

Osiris responded “half man, half animal”.

Robot  # 1 | 13.06.2009 10:55

The Village Idiot: by Patrick Nwadike: {Dedicated to Prof. Wole Soyinka, he is a month away from his next birthday}. It was not something that has never been seen. It’s just that this case is different but all the same, it’s in same shoe like most cyclostyled ideas. The king asked his subjects to dig in a great wall and perforate the wall at two ends. From this wall, at the other side, much like Iraq “Green Zone”, through those perforated ends, they can view their enemies. The wall was made of mud. It was so solid that when arrows are fired, on hitting the wall, the arrows twist and bend. Due to modern technology, dissenters aim with other means. Even Iraq fortified Green zone does experience twilights of thunder. When totally disarmed, humans use body parts, for instance, shoe throwing on Bush and of most recent, Premier Wen Jiabao of pseudo-Communist China. Even pugnacious OBJ did not escape pastes of eggs and tomato in London. ...Read the full article.