25

Jun

2008

Talking About Sex Growing Up In Nigeria PDF Print E-mail
By Julian Obubo

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child. Now that I have become a man, I have put away childish things."

1 Corinthians 13:11

 

Sex, that three letter word, perhaps the most baffling concept ever known to a child. So many euphemisms concealed the deed that was Sex. The euphemism that confused me most was : Sleep. My Grandma in one of her many stories would say: "She slept with him, and became pregnant" This led me to believe, quite strongly that a woman became pregnant when she slept in the same bed with a man. It was rather simple, but also rather strange, however my young innocent mind did not question it. Somehow, merely sharing the same bed with an adult man caused a human being to start growing inside the 'belly' of the woman. It was quite logical!

On Sex and the church, I'm sure I was not the only one in Sunday school, sitting there wondering what on earth a 'Virgin' was. Mary was always refered to as the 'Virgin' Mary, initially I thought it was her first name, but I noticed that we sometimes said "Born of a Virgin", this meant that a 'Virgin' was something special, something rare, to me a Virgin was a woman who gives birth to special babies like Jesus. Therefore, the whole concept of the 'Annunciation' was lost to us kids, as a key term: "Virgin" was not explained.

Pregnancy was pretty straightfoward as a youngster, the process was simple, a woman had slept on the same bed as a man, and had 'taken in' as my Grandma would say, therefore, a little baby was growing inside of her for some time till it was strong enough to come out...when that time came, she went to hospital and miraculously appeared one or two days later, with a flatter belly and a little baby. What took place at the hospital remained a mystery. My belief was that every women underwent a cesarean to remove the baby, that was the only logical explanation, surely there wasn't any orfice in the body that a human being could naturally come out of. This was my strong belief, but it was always tested when I would hear of women giving birth to babies at home, in the market, in a car...where was the knife? where was the doctor? How was this possible!

It was when I was rumaging through my Dad's medical books that I saw the process of childbirth illustrated, still it looked very strange and unnatural, the books were telling me that the baby came out of the woman's "underparts"!! (as a child the woman's reproductuve organs were nameless, boy's had penises and what women had was of no concern) I still mantained my belief in cesarean till I saw a video of childbirth, an image that will stay in my head forever, a human being coming out of what till then was a very small hole...the child emerged slimy and looking alien, with a cord attached to it's belly. I had thought children were born clean, with no attachments, and only needed to be clothed.

Finally on the issue of sexuality, the big puzzle as a child: What the hell was a condom? The adverts were so obscure and ambiguous, they kept refering to the condom as a 'raincoat'...a raincoat in a small packet? I was confused? What was this condom thing? Was it edible? Was it some kind of toy? In supermarkets I saw the condoms stacked on the shelves, no one ever seemed to buy them, I knew how the packets looked, but the real issue was what was inside! Why did the adverts not explicitly tell us what was inside the packet? The condom was perhaps the greatest childhood mystery.

But now, old me, the innocence of childhood washed away by the harsh tides of reality. I look back at childhood, at how simple things were, diminished responsibilities, no stress, your life was in your parents hands, and sometimes I wish I had that guiding hand constantly steering me in the right direction, but, such is life. At last the time comes when the parent exits the cockpit, and the son becomes a man and has to fly that plane to its final destination.

 



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RobotRobot is offline

 # 1 | 26.06.2008 03:47

"When
I was a child, I spoke as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child. Now
...Read the full article.

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DewdropsDewdrops is online

 # 2 | 26.06.2008 05:21


=Robot;4295060901>"When
I was a child, I spoke as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child. Now
...Read the full article.



How can I forget the typical Nigerian pattern of communication regarding sex education?

I wish now that my parents would have given me the most intimate details of sex instead of learning from those "agbero" UNIBEN boys!:lol: I had good teachers though!:wink: Apparently their parents had given them the "heads up"!

Now I made sure that all my kids knew about sex as from age 18months!

All my mother told me at the age of "menarch". . .a precocious 10 year old going on 11 in "JSS 1" (yeah! I was always in a hurry to do stuff. . .till I die I guess) was:

Now know you can't let any boy "touch" you!:rolleyes: You are now a woman!!! Hmmm!

All my father for the first time in my life as a 19 year old sophomore in the UNIV was that:

My dear daughter, you are now a grown girl, I must tell you that many men would love their wives to be virgins::rolleyes:

Blah, blah, blah, blah blah! Typical bushman logic!

What do you have to say to that my dear? He asked me noticing I had tuned him out.

The only reply I could give him was "no comment"!:redface:

Poor dad! My darling mum had to tell him the next week or so that I was 2 months. . . ."P", and he was going to be a grandpa!!!!:cool:

At least I tried and waited till I got into the UNIV. With raging hormones at full blast!!! The good news is that by 24 I was done with having all the babies I could ever want in this life time!

he he he:D

Nigerian parents, please teach your daughters especially about sex/sexuality. Or one of those "prize" fighters from Alaba or New Benin/Onitsha/Idumota/Aba market will gladly teach them the where and what of it all!!!

As for the guys. . . Iya Nuru or any of your female housegirls would readily show you the ropes as many of you have already experienced.

One of my grandmothers was even the worst offender. . .all she did was listen outside the "toilet" to hear what kind of noise her grand-daughters' pee made when they urinated. If you urinated too loudly and caused too "sonorance" in there. . . your "P***Y" was wider than river Niger and River Benue combined! Very un-lady like.

Hmmmmm!

I still laff to this day. . . she would make comments like. . . see as una dey piss? Won ti baje!!!

Like females use "t***" to "piss" for crying out loud. What a miseducation!

She would say:

Una t**o dey make noise like "SHO-RO-RO-RO-RO". . . .LIKE PUMP"!:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

WTF? She Make me very uncomfortable so I started urinating outside if she was ever around me. . .to muffle the sound of "noisy pissing"!

Love you granny! I just loved your use of archaic profanities! I learned well from you. Gosh, that old lady had a foul yoruba mouth from inside one Abeokuta bush yonder!

Gotta luv em'!:wink:

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philipikitaphilipikita is offline

 # 3 | 26.06.2008 05:32

Welcome to manhood Julian.

When I was about 11 or 12, I was on holiday in my ancestral village. Returning from the farm with my cousin one afternoon, we decided to bath in the small river. My cousin pulled his panties and giggled, "hey! I have stains of 'birth fluid' inside my pants again". He asked if I do produce 'birth fluid'.
In my language, 'birth fluid' means sperm. I didn't understand one bit of what he meant, until a couple of years later, when was taught reproduction in my Form 2. I practically experienced the offloading of "birth fluid" in another couple of years, not from my family, but with my teeny girlfriend...

I think it would be good to let kids into how the family and procreation sustains society, telling all without ridiculing/desecrating the family institution and the sacredness of sex.

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Oru-AmaOru-Ama is offline

 # 4 | 26.06.2008 06:04

Julian... you simply brought back memories. I just dey laugh my head off here. I remember my father once telling me that "there is no need pinching a parcel you will eventually unwrap". I was 16 and very playful. Today's parents are doing better than ever before. Nice one up there!

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christenchristen is offline

 # 5 | 28.06.2008 18:59

U do have a point there Julian. I sometimes get uncomfortable when there's a movie on TV showing a couple hugging and kissing and i noticed my little daughter of about 5 years watching as well.
I cant help but wonder what goes on in her mind; how much does she know and understand?
Most often i try to change the channel or distract her in case the action goes on for a while.
I Think the best thing really to start educating our children as early as they start talking and asking questions. Because in this so called modern day and jet age children easily and quickley get influenced from their surroundings least of which is the number one offender: peer pressure.

One thing is clear: the way we grew and were brought up is a lot different from the way our own children are growing up now!
 

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