23 Feb 2008 |
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Ye-ye rollin’ Ga-ga Gu-gu Ga-ga Gu-gu Ye-ye rollin’
One 'Dr.' called Andy, packed all the ye-ye forces from Abuja to one ye-ye Awka and wrested the Helmsmanship in broad daylight in the 'very before' of the legitimate Governor and with other illegitimate aspirants watching from cages. Three months later, ‘Alarm come blow….piaaauuuuw.’ The Supreme Court of Justice slammed his butt with a 70-mile volley straight from Awka into his private jet at Enugu Airport never to show face in Awka again for the next 3 years.
Looku-looku Looku-looku Ye-ye rollin’
Dis one dey happen for Kebbi State in far North Nigeria. The man we dey talk na one randy Bobo, within 2 weeks of usurping the Ogaship of the place the guy don land Presido daughter, hen! Na so so honeymoon the guy dey for Kebbi from day one. Ask am him go say” ‘nothin’ dey happin’ Until….’Alarm come blow….. piaaauuuuw!’ Election tribunal come pour ice water for him philandering wetin call, chei! No more Honeymoon, na sugar cane him dey chop now for sun.
Ye-ye rollin’... Wuru-wuru Mago-mago Ye-ye rollin'
Then in Kogi, the Confluence State - i.e where we ran into a conflict of influence. Oga Audu the perennial Governor was dreaming of setting a record as the longest ever Governor of a state in Nigeria having served two terms previously. Unfortunately this was in an era in Nigeria when you don’t dare set any records without a phenom known as wuru-wuru. And so it was that his project was in COA (coma-on-arrival). On election-day he could not find his name anywhere on the ballot. So Ibro continued un-interrupted, until…….you guessed it. ‘piaaauuuuw ...Alarm come blow’ The Election Tribunals nullified the wuru-wuru election in the state and ordered fresh elections within 3-months also ordering that Audu’s name be put on the ballot this time. But, Ibro the Carpenter who believes he can fix anything refused to hear. He appealed the decision at the Appeals court and continued his revelry in Kogi Gomenti House. Then….u got it.. piaaauuuuw! Another alarm come blow. The Appeals court ordered Ibro to immediately pack his bags from that House in Lokoja and head straight back to his hotel in Abuja. Still Ibro no gree hear. "Ibro, Ibro, Ibro how many times did I call you,?" asked Okiro over the crackling Glo line "If I meet you there in Lokoja eh, you go tell Nigeria wetin dry fish still dey find inside water"
Ye-ye rollin’ Make I put my mouth for song: Muritala M’yako Muritala M’yako Muritala has left his farm Muritala no be sailor again Murital no be gentle man again Murital don join wuru-wuru o! Oh Nigeria! O-o-o Oh Nigeria! ae-ae-ae
This one baffled a lot of us people. Here is a man who was among the most admired Nigerians. Clean, polished, hardworking and handsome. Little did we no know, say the man dey go shrine. He was caught on camera in Fee-Dee-Fee shrine where Chief Priest OBJ come bring fowl, bring rabbit, bring condom, spirit catch am, him make the magic and before you can say Atiku! Turn red into green, all the candidates in the elections dissolved into Muritala M’yako. Na so the jollof begin. This man launched a new style of governance never before seen in Nigeria with no less than 4 fully interactive first ladies distributed in key areas. One posted to Abuja, another to Yola the other in the village and one International. All with online coordinated outfits I heard. Well, you heard it, I heard it, alarm don blow piaaauuuuw! Tribunal come put everybody for reverse. But Oga, never stop the jollof o. The man still dey the Jollofing House in Yola, but we heard the man say: that alarm wey blow from one small yeye corner, na for small small boys. Oga o.
Ga-ga Gu-gu Ga-ga Gu-gu Ye-ye rollin’
Na this one wey dey pain me o, let me be honest and shame the devil. This guy na fine boy no pimple, him name na Sullivan. Gentle and meek. Remember, blessed are the meek for they shall inherit… yes o, the land. Sullivan inherited the throne of Dr. Ebeano the monster of Coal City. He did not realise, as many before him that this was Nigeria’s own Hannibal Lecter posing as a State Governor, only in PDP, only in Nigeria. He has now been released from prison and he is after Sullivan. I fear for the poor boy. And, to continue my honest streak, I will confess that in 6 months Sullivan has done more work than Lecter actually did in 8 years. But that may not be enough to save him. Alarm don blow, Lecter is on the loose and closing in. This one fit end for Kpafuka o, Kpafuka na quench o.
Ye-ye rollin’ Waiti-waiti Waiti-waiti I never tell you finish I never tell you finish
This one is about an Oloshi who got into Military garb, then camouflaged into Agbada. He was a Federal Minister of Communications who once famously said that Nigerians have no need to communicate. Previously uncertain about the fate of Nigeria after his boss had wreaked absolute havoc on the country he had prepared his escape strategy and back-up life. In military fashion he set this up with with multiple redundancies, he had: Citizenship of several countries, offshore trusts; and ownership of a couple of Golf Courses in the British Isles employing an entire village. An astute Nigerian, he still had a plan F, in case nothing went wrong and the country prospered. He joined politics and worshiped at the Shrine and presto! he emerged as top law maker. From his career background he knew well before hand that the Bugler was on his way and has since been hard at work with Plan G. Especially now that he is so unbelievably close to what all his less-fortunate and deceased colleagues had tried so tragically to get through the now futile early morning broadcast. I bet he cannot for all the Pito in Makurdi fathom this thing called the Judiciary. In the meantime… piaaaaauw! Alarm don blow. In fact this time na: paparapapaaa! Bugle call. Plan G has already kicked in as the new tactics of: arrest and lock up the opponent, charge him for forgery, go appealthe Tribunal judgment, bring police case evidence, and whilst on appeal if alarm blow again, ascend the loftiest throne. Can this plan fly? Pigs will fly faster. Orderrr! Now the first motion that will be moved on Monday morning in the Senate is? Your guess is as good as mine.
I go put my mouth for song: My known soldier My known soldier That my vote wey you steal It’s the only power of Nigerians That my vote we you steal Na the Judiciary go bring am back
Yes, my people this is what we call democracy by judiciary. The saga continues as the Bugler steps forward again, early morning Tuesday. According to information available to us the timing has been planned is such a way that by the time the fifth columnists get to the court the show would already be over as their Lordships need to immediately scamper to safety.
Second bass Abeg, give me second bass, jare I still dey come, small small ....
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