11 May 2008 |
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| Reflections On Motherhood
According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, one of the several definitions of the word "Mother" is : a female parent.
It is on this premise that I hinge the topic of this essay. Of all the different phases in the life of a female, motherhood is the one that she never grows out of and a role she performs until, barring poor-health, the bell tolls for her. Before the ink has finished drying on her marriage certificate, the average woman is already thinking of decorating a nursery for her baby. If she had merely browsed through books like "Every Woman" and "Preparing Your Body For Motherhood", they immdiately become her daily devotion Bible. She studies them religiously and will happily change her lifestyle to adopt the one author has guaranteed would yield easy conception and a "bouncing" baby. Imagine the confusion that ensues when one book strongly recommends that nuts are healthy and beneficial for the mom to-be whereas, the next book you open warns you to stay away from nuts. Ditto several food items. In the midst of all these conflicting theories, one would expect the head-in-the-clouds young woman to close the books and allow nature run its course....Think again! Time rolls by and it is time for the Monthly visitor a.k.a Menstrual period to arrive. Hitherto "she" had been a very welcome guest that must never arrive late...Not anymore! The young woman silently prays that her visitor would miss "her" way and visit someone else. In the space of an hour, she has gone to the bathroom about five times to assure herself that that warm feeling she felt was not what she thought it was. She cannot wait for tomorrow when she can get an accurate result with that Home Pregnancy Kit in her closet. Finally! the nine months journey starts. This is the stage where the saying "Love at First Sight" is totally meaningless. A mother-to-be does not need to see her unborn baby to fall head-over heels in love. Some women, like yours truly, who ordinarily cannot swallow a grain of rice as long as long as it is called medicine; begins to swallow tablets on a daily basis, just because the doctor said it is good for the baby. The nausea, weight gain and general discomfort that go with sharing one's body with another human being become a welcome development. Some women's noses grow to an unbelievable proportion that they are not easily recognized...except by thier husbands, who has to wake up next to that "beauty" every day. God knew what he was doing when he wired women's brain to forget the pain of child-birth, otherwise, sibling would have been an alien word. Trust me, most women would not agree to get pregnant a second time if that memory is not erased. The joy of seeing one's baby for the first time surpasses any feeling you can ever imagine. The maternal instict immediatley kicks in. The woman instinctively wants to protect her offspring. Some husbands have been known to get really jealous of their babies because they felt neglected by their wives. Being the youngest of four girls, I had a lot of first hand experience with my newborn nieces and nephews before I became a mother..those experiences came in handy. I can still remember when one of my sisters had her her first baby. I was still a student and had gone to her house for vacation when she went into labor. I accompanied them to the hospital. After she had the baby, I offered to sleep at the hospital with her so that her husband could go home.
At about 10pm that night, a nurse came in to check on her and the baby, certified that everything was fine and said that we could go to bed. I was getting ready to settle in the couch when I noticed that my sister was still sitting and staring at the baby in his crib. I thought that something was wrong and jumped up. She explained that she could only sleep if she was sure that someone would be watching the baby. I thought that it was odd, but I agreed to watch the baby. I could have gone to sleep if my sister did not wake up ever so often to make sure that I had not left my duty post. It was not until many years later, when I had my son, that I understood what was happening to my sister that night. Having carried the baby in her womb for nine months, she was used to going to sleep, knowing that the baby was safe inside of her. She could not handle the separation. It is a very strong bond. In the past, before most men became receptive to infertility tests and treatments, childlessness in marriage was blamed solely on the woman. Society placed stigmas on such women that it was not uncommon to hear a woman, who is blessed with children, employ the use of the term "barren woman" to shut up another woman who is not so blessed. With the advent of In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), barrenness is gradually on the decline. The first successful in vitro artificial fertilization took place in England in 1978 resulting in birth of Louise Brown, the first in vitro child. Although it is still a very expensive procedure, affordable to the rich, it is hoped that in years to come, more and more women would be able to fulfil their dream through this method. Adoption is another option a woman has. Some women die during childbirth and their babies placed in Motherless Babies Homes. Some young girls, who are not prepared for motherhood, willingly give up the right to their babies. Some other babies are outrightly abandoned by their mothers. There are adoption agencies who handle the process of placing these babies into families that would love and care for them. This process can be a bit intrusive, but at the end, the joy of having a cuddly arm around your neck and wet kisses on your face far outweighs whatever intrusion. Motherhood is a journey, although not the easiest of all of life's journeys but, the only one with several pit stops that you emerge from happy and refreshed. Motherhood is an investment. It is highly recommended that you invest wisely because the dividends will surely come....you would want to proudly show them off. Happy Mothers Day!
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