At last here is something that all Nigerians should be proud of, something that will give our fatherland a quantum of free re-branding. While the world was distracted by all the hype about the hosting city of the 2016 Summer Olympics, an even bigger  ceremony held in Anambra State to determine the host country of the 2011 World congress of Orukuruku.

Orukuruku is a game that is fast gaining ground in most developing countries. Analysts predict that the game might just be what will lift poor countries from the bottom of the pyramid. However, Orukuruku is a game that bemuses even the literate and sophisticated.The game has no rules. But there is a rule book and all players must know the rules by heart. The referees and linesmen are also expected to know the rules and be prepared to recite them without hitch at any time they are called upon to do so. Just before any Orukuruku game begins, the participants are strongly reminded on the need to always remember what the rule book says. However, once the unusual game begins, every player is expected to come up with his own or her own rule as to how the game should be played. And no one is under any obligation to explain what rules they are using. In fact, a smart player keeps his creative rules to himself until his opponents contravene them.

Besides, the linesmen and referee do not have to be around during the game. Moreover,  players may not know who their real opponents are until the game is over. Why so? Sometimes those who did not participate in the game may emerge as winners. Referees and linesmen are at liberty to take side with any team during the game without losing their status even though they might not be present when the game is played. They may also be called upon later to justify the fairness of the game when petitions from dissatisfied teams or players flood the office of the organizers of the world congress.

I have heard of the deadly game of drinking the witches brew and playing the Russian roulette. But there is nothing like the game of Orukuruku. It combines all the dangers of the two mentioned above and much more. But what is Orukuruku? It is a term used by the Urhobos of Delta State to describe a cocktail of vicious activities that shock men that have even meagre amount of virtue. The term represents everything wicked and crooked. Orukuruku is  a game developed in tatarus  and exported to leaders of countries who crave perpetual darkness and underdevelopment for their people.

Most Nigerian politicians have entered into a life time contract to play for clubs under the Orukuruku League. The few who are unwilling to be part of this weird league have no other league to play under.  Even clubs that claim that they are no part of the fiendish league adopt its rules in their own games. This is the soul of our political system. And it stinks. There is no shame or honour. Those who are cheated in one place, cry foul, ritualistically chant the need for all to uphold the tenets of democracy,  and then move on to find another place to cheat those who are weaker in the chain of self deceit.

The professionals of Orukuruku believe that it is an integral part of the democratic process. They say it is needed to strengthen the foundation of our democratic experience and deepen it. And that eventually we will have a pure -breed of home grown democracy that all will be proud of. We have so deepened our democracy that it now deeper than the abyss. Just take a look through your window and see what has become of our dear land. Sign posts of mindless plunder and criminal activities dot the entire landscape.  What is however clear that Orukuruku is has completely wrecked this country.

You will recall that in 2006, the  Incredible Hawk, Mallam Nuhu Ribadu told us that practitioners of Orukuruku will not participate in the 2007 general elections. He told us then that the long season of bad men and women being in charge of our lives was over. The faithful Mallam repeated that plead during a retreat organised by the PDP for its aspirants for the 2007 elections. The fiery Mallam vowed to stop all one- eyed political pirates from flying their party flags in that election.  According to reports, Ribadu got a thunderous ovation after his speech. But most of those who gave Ribadu the standing ovation were chieftains of the Orukuruku game. That day, they went back to their hotels to celebrate the success of the retreat with Cuban cigars and Russian vodka. Thereafter, they began drawing up the framework of the 2007 Orukuruku election, the real objective of that retreat.

After a world acclaimed unsuccessful election that ensured landslide victory for diehard democratic pathogens, the fast talking cop from Atiku country was sent to our own Havard School at Kuru for capacity building (our new buzz words). The argument then was that Ribadu needed to be prepared to represent Nigeria at the World Headquarters of Orukuruku Federation in Zimbabwe.  Ribadu did not resume there. Rather he absconded to the UK where he trashes the image of our great nation, an act our hard working but little understood Minister of Justice says is tantamount to treason. But shame on Ribadu, in spite of all his bad mouthing, Nigeria still got the right to host the 2011 World Congress of Orukuruku. I hear a road show to sensitise the good people of Nigeria to this rare honour will begin in Anambra State in 2010. I hear also that if Nigeria does well with the 2011 hosting, the country might be given the hosting rights for the next 50 years. I am glad this good thing is happening in my life time and to celebrate it in my own little way, I am joyously singing John Milton’s words "Farewell remorse! All good to me is lost; Evil, be thou my good."My fellow countrymen and women, please join me in chorusing this beautiful song so that I can rest my crusty voice.

Robot  # 1 | 07.10.2009 10:45

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