16 Aug 2009 |
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To some in the West, the celebrated image of Driving Under the Influence (DUI) may be associated more with the usual Hollywood suspects - famous celebs caught in the act of driving under the intoxicating influence of some illicit but much desired high-inducing substance; usually but not limited to alcohol. For these hedonistic celebs, it may seem that the naughty image of a DUI arrest, accessorized by the poster spread from popping flash bulbs of ubiquitous paparazzis is no more than one of Hollywood’s many coming of age and rites of passage rituals. But if getting high and being disheveling framed in a splash of grayish DUI arrest portrait is a deliberate but foolhardy choice by Hollywood’s elite in their crabby climb to tabloid greatness, the same cannot be said for the many simple folks down south on the west coast of Nigeria’s infamous urban jungle. Lagos is Nigeria’s foremost metropolis and it’s most motorized. While available data are notoriously outdated, there are reportedly over 15 million vehicles of various makes, shapes and sizes meandering through the twisty, pockmarked roads of Lagos. Given its thin arm of highly prized real estate audaciously jutting into the immensely undulating midriff of the south western Atlantic, it is perhaps startling to note that this teeming urban enclave of arguably (in the opinion of the local state authorities) more than 18million people has a staggering vehicle density ratio of about 4,000 vehicles per square metres (or 244 vehicles per kilometer). It may seem that there are more vehicles in Lagos than the rest of Nigeria put together and you could argue (and some do), that there are more vehicles than roads in Lagos. Along with this massive deployment of assorted automotive contraptions from many nations, comes just about some of the worst traffic jams (euphemistically referred to in the local parlance as Go-Slow) in the southern hemisphere. On average, traffic jams spanning 2-3 hours are a fairly daily occurrence particularly during rush hour on the two main vehicular arteries linking the mainland with the two high brow suburbs of Lagos and Victoria Islands. However, incidents of motorists being trapped in limb numbing gridlock of up six hours are not uncommon. When such bewildering predicaments occur, Lagosians in typically resigned fashion ascribe them to malevolent forces beyond the ordinary. For the unwary, this resigned disposition mask other subtle but insidious elements acting more forcefully on the mental windscreens of Lagos drivers. These elements more than western style narcotics constitute predominantly, the casual components of the local DUI problem in Lagos. For sure, Lagos has its fair share of drivers intoxicated by their narcotics driven search of a pyrrhic high. The local brew called Paraga for instance, is a perk up favorite of some commercial motorbike operators as well as drivers of the city’s rickety but ubiquitous yellow Danfo and Molue buses. Some gruesome accidents in the city can be traced to such substance abuse and the city authorities are waging a low level campaign with its own city bus service. For the mass majority of Lagos motorists however, the elements of their DUI problems are of more earthily issues. The generic substance of abuse cut across a wide variety of uniquely Nigerian experiences. It rates higher with the crazed driving of city or state officials; the harbinger of which is the wailing siren supported by blazing blue and red strobe lights. Nigerian authorities regularly issue warning sound bites against non-essential or emergency use of siren. But the message on the streets of Lagos is more effective and emphatic. The louder your siren the faster your drive. And ordinary Lagosians have developed a seeming neurotic but uncanny ability to suddenly veer off their lanes away from the menacing swerve and weaves of speeding official vehicles. Indeed, some like a young lady recently mauled by the goons of a top ranked admiral, have learnt the hard way that it’s easier to perform these acrobatic displays with their vehicles than to contest the right of way with them. That case is still crawling its way through Nigeria’s tortuous judicial process. Avoiding Nigeria’s assorted brands of uniformed officials is undoubtedly a strong stimulant for driving under the influence in Lagos. On almost every stretch of road in Lagos, motorists have to contend with numerous state officials on the prowl. They range from police checkpoints – wittingly tagged by some as ATM points (exclusively for police officers it seems); to agents of the Federal Road Safety Corp and eagle-eyed city traffic officials known aptly as LASTMA. Added to these regular forces in their ambush formations, are the insufferable vehicle inspection authorities (VIO); the city’s Kick Against Indiscipline (KAI) taskforce and the local councils enforcers. There are also intimidating henchmen licensed by the various local transport unions to extort bizarre levies from terrorized motorists as well as scattered bands of street urchins popularly described as Area Boys; uniformed in a sense by their distinct unkemptness and often successful attempts to camouflage as part of an insidious army of street hawkers. Stalked on all sides by these and other public tribulations, Lagosians have understandably developed a siege mentality. The city’s motorists have not only become adept at taking evasive (or reckless depending on your side of the road) and impulsive actions at the slightest provocation but have also become rebelliously opportunistic, ruthless and cynical. Most drivers have little patience or regard for traffic laws or road rules and even less empathy for fellow motorists. For instance, changing lanes during slow moving traffic is often an unnerving experience for first time drivers in Lagos. Motorists already on the desired lane put up a spirited defense of the lane with a deadpan expression of indifference to the new entrant’s appealing and endlessly blinking trafficators. Conventional wisdom now dictates that simple trafficating lights are not enough. The applicant for a lane access must show subservience by physically stretching out a pleading arm to acknowledge the landlord of the lane and once allowed in to show appreciation with a wave of thanks. Underlying road rage induced by such aggressive jostling for lanes, the cat and mouse skirmish with officialdom, alarmingly bad roads and lack of sleep (some motorists commence their driving day from 4am local time and often don’t get back home before 11pm), as well as an inexplicable dependence on roads as the only mode of transportation in a city bursting at the seams have combined to win Lagos its infamous trophy as the city with the traffic from hell. Clearly, driving in Lagos is not for the faint hearted. But Lagosians are a hardy bunch and they do not wear their grief on their sleeves. With this, they inspired the legendary Afrobeat musician, Fela, to coin the phrase “suffering and smiling”. Still, Lagosians pride themselves as survivors and with the comforting thoughts that if you can drive in Lagos, you can drive anywhere in the world. Here, driving under the influence is no option. It is the only way. It may be a hard way but as they say in Lagos, hopefully; Eko o ni baje o! ( Lagos will not go bad!). At least, not worse than it is already.
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