Before I kill your baby, allow me to introduce myself to you. But before you blame or abuse me, please give me a fair hearing and listen to what I say in my own defense.

My name is immaterial. You need not know me by name so I won’t give that to you. Also, you may not have personally met me but I guarantee that you’ve felt my impact one way or the other. You may or may not recognize me, though you see me everyday even if only from afar. I may have passed you by on the street, typically behind gilded windows in a luxurious, shinny new car. Though that is neither here nor there, I and my friends and co-travelers in the Nigerian public space sometimes may or may not have worn a uniform.

What is important is that now and again I make you stop and wait while I pass you by on the street.

Occasionally, I stop my convoy to beat you and or strip you naked for not stopping for me, or for whatever reason takes my fancy. In fact, sometime, I stop to beat you and strip you naked for no reason at all.

Perhaps, I should need no formal introduction because in fact, you should already know me quite well by now.

I am the rich. I am the powerful. By the grace of God, I am the very rich and the very powerful.

How I became very rich and powerful is irrelevant to you, especially as you and your baby will soon be dead anyway, but if you insist, I will tell you a little more about how I became who I am..

My friend, think what you may, but know that it was not easy.

Not easy at all. You see, unlike some of my luckier latter day contemporaries, whom I secretly despise, but whom I had envied from a very early age for their good fortune and whom I had vowed to one day catch up with, I was not born into providential circumstances. I was never born with a silver spoon in my mouth.

 In fact, to put it munificently, I came from a somewhat very humble and rather impecunious background. If you wanted to be unkind, one could even say I was born into and came from the dregs of society. I did not have rich and powerful parents. My relatives were poor and could do little or nothing for me.

So how did I get to be so rich and powerful?

If only you knew the things I have seen, the things I have done, the risks I have taken.

My friend, I took risks, grave risks. I risked everything and I risked it all. Even my own very life, I risked. And of course, I had drive and determination.

For me, it was do or die. I had to succeed or die trying. Believe me, I have done things people like you can only imagine. And then much more than you can ever even begin to imagine.

I have been to places no one should ever have been; many, many places; I have seen things no one should ever have seen, many, many things, many, many times. Things that cannot be described.

I have, planned, schemed, planned and schemed again. I have lied, flattered, cajoled, deceived and betrayed. And then lied, flattered, cajoled deceived and betrayed again, and again, and again. 

Under an affable demeanor, behind the cover of an inscrutable front, adopting a humble façade and a harmless, friendly demeanor, friends and foe alike I deceived and killed even. I have been ruthless, completely merciless and allowed nothing, absolutely nothing at all, to stand in my way and there is no evil, no crime I am now incapable of committing. I repeat, no deed is too evil or heinous for me to commit, no though too malevolent for me to contemplate and there is nothing I cannot do. By the grace of God, absolutely nothing at all that I cannot do.

But before you condemn me too much my friends, you have to understand where I’m coming from and appreciate my logic.

Look; the way I see it, we live in a harsh and hostile world where dog eats dog , - do we not? The rule is to kill or be killed and it’s a jungle out there -is it not? And it is survival of the fittest, -is it not?.

Look again: In nature, the strong have dominion over the weak, - do they not?

Does the lion call a conference and ask permission of the gazelle before eating it? Does the Tiger seek permission of the antelope before having it for breakfast?

No, no , no, of course not!.

As I might have mentioned earlier, I did not come from a rich or powerful background. Earlier on in life, I had nobody to protect me in this hostile world. Nobody cared. Society did not provide for me, Nigeria had no plans for me, I had to make my own way and fend for myself. But I bear no grudges.  Insha Allah. No I don’t, I really don’t. Believe me when I say, I have no malice in my heart. Only emptiness and indifference where there should probably have been gratefulness and the desire to give something back to humanity.

But how can you give what you don’t have? How can one give back what was never received? How can you give back to something or someone that never gave anything to you in the first place?

So now that I have succeeded, against all odds I might add, even though I bear no malice, why should I care to give back to anything or anyone, when no one helped me when I was in need, when I was young and vulnerable ehn? I own nobody anything. I did it all on my own even though I wasn’t even expected to succeed.

Do you know how close to death I came? Do you know how many times I almost died?

And do you know how many like me have perished unlamented, unknown and uncared for? I could have been any one of those unfortunate, ungrieved souls and no one would have noticed, no one would have missed my passing. And so to this matter of your baby, don't worry, I will get to that in a moment, I will explain it all to you , just be patient.

But luckily,I didn't die. I survived, you see, very early on, by sheer provision of providence, unlike my less fortunate peers who perished unlamented in the underclass of the social order in which we live and which I didn't create, I quickly understood that there is no room for weakness in this life, I learnt the rules of life, the ones I mentioned in the preceding paragraphs and I quickly but quietly dedicated my life to obtaining power. I became strong. Never mind how. I did things, I went to places. Never mind where.

All my life I sought and served power. What choices did I have? None I tell you. It was either that or to perish.  I then found that if you diligently and faithfully served power long enough, power will return the favor in ways you cannot even begin to imagine. But that is a story for another day.

Now power, Insha Allah, serves me. I have mastered my environment.

And then I did to the other that which they would have done to me, were the situation to have been reversed and were I to have been in their place and they in mine. As I said already, in this world, it is everyman for himself, God for us all and may the better man win. And by the Grace of God, I have been the better man.

Some of you will moralize and pontificate, especially those of you who early in life had it all, those who were born into privilege and luxury, those who never for one day suffered a fraction of the things I suffered, who never passed through or endured the type of hardship that was my lot early in life. Do you think you are clean? Just because you were born rich, do you know how your ancestry acquire the wealth, the one you so much enjoyed without question?. Have you looked long and hard at you own family history? Look into this and perhaps you will not enjoy what you find. Perhaps your parents, the source of your wealth , or someone in your heritage was not so different from me.

For those of you who want to preach to me, especially those who might be doing so from some comfortable abode in some rich far away place, how your case is any different from mine I ask you?

Listen; in the prefecture of international relations, does your rich strong and powerful host country not similarly take advantage of the weak and poor countries of this world and do you, you loudmouth now condemning me, not benefit from this?

How often do you loudmouths complain or criticize your rich and powerful adopted countries. Do you condemn their actions? Can you? So why then do you single me out for opprobrium? Why? Why? For following the laws of nature? For doing that, which is already done in the international arena even on a larger and more violent scale that the little I could ever do to my fellow man domestically? Am I the only one oppressing the weak? Is it a crime to use my strength to my own advantage in whatever way I want to?

You think this is not right or fair. Who said it is or should be?

This is life my friend. If you’re looking for fairness you wait until we get to heaven.

Okay, now that the introductions are over, now that you know me, let us go back to the matter at hand, that of killing Nigerians, you may want to ask me why I want to kill Nigerians especially Nigerian babies?

I will not give you a detailed reason because as I have already mentioned, it will be of no use to you as I have already told you that you and your baby will should soon be dead. So for now my brief answer is:

“Why not?”

Perhaps I want to do it for the sheer fun of it, for the heady exhilaration, after all, every one else is from the President of the federation to the lowliest private in the Nigerian armed forces has been and are still spilling Nigerian blood.

I have surveyed the entire Nigerian landscape, and seen everything. And in seeing, I have understood. In understanding I have act. And in acting, I have excelled. In excelling, by the grace of God, I have succeeded where lesser men have failed.

Thus, having seen it all and having done it all, I asked myself;

"what more can I do that I have not yet done? And also, what can they do in response, they who are powerless.? What will and what can they do?"

And I came to the conclusion: they can and will do nothing. Nothing; nothing, nothing at all. Why?

Because lucky for me, there are powerless, mainly because, really, there are no Nigerians at all.

Yes, yes, there are people who live in a place we call Nigeria, but they are divided and corrupted. They are divided according to religion; they are divided by language. We’ve even deepened their division and corruption by further segregating them along ideological and regional lines. We’ve corrupted and divided them by wealth and class. And most important of all; we’ve kept them divided by “tribe”. As long as we keep these divisions alive and well, powerless they are and powerless they will remain.

Moreover,whenever I do whatever it is that I do I can also count on the fearful mentality of the  people. They always retreat into that which I despise the most and which in my eyes make them fair game and fruit ripe for the plucking; cowardly weakness.

Their pathetic chorus of helplessness and surrender is like music to my ears:

"We Leave it to God"

"It is the will of God"

Yes, I have become their God and they cannot oppose my will. Not for one second does it cross their mind, the possibility of putting up a united front of resistance against me. Afterall, how many of them can I kill. But so long as I have these conditions of division and fear, instilled into them, I will continue to do with them, at my will and pleasure, what I want and all will be well with me and mine. And so I can kill Nigerian babies. And I will.

"I’ve said to myself, I have done things no man should do and I have succeeded. Let me now enjoy the rewards of the risks I have taken."

 Furthermore I though in my heart:

 “O my, O my, the ability to kill and kill wantonly a newborn baby without fear of any consequences or repercussions is invigorating. It validates and feeds my sense of invinsibility. It justifies all the risks I have taken to get to where I am today. They are like sheep, they who have no power and I will satiate myself. I will propagate my ego. Nothing shall be outside of the reach of my appetite, even their very lives will be mine to do with as I like. I will indulge my every appetite till I become completely sated”

Yes I now have time to tell you why your baby should die, why I deserve to kill your baby. This is my right,I swear, honest to God, I have earned it and I will explain this to you in a moment.

"What makes you think your own baby is more valuable, more precious than the thousands of babies that daily perish in Nigeria, of whom  I was almost amongst when I was a baby?

What makes your own baby special?

If I could have died unlamented as an infant, and believe me, I came close to dying, why should I not now even the score when I have the power by taking your baby's life, just as mine was almost taken from me?

Why should I celebrate the life of your own baby, when my own newly crafted life was not celebrated and was in fact almost taken from me?

Why should the life of your baby be precious when mine was not?.

No, you and your baby mean nothing to me and I don't care, just as mine meant nothing to society and it didn't care"

So yes, I want my own share of cheap Nigerian blood.

 I want to feel giddy with excitement as I spill especially, the blood of the innocent and very young, knowing fully well no one else in the world, indeed in the entire known universe, can openly and in broad daylight shed blood , that of infants without fear. I hadn’t known that was possible!. The blood of a new born would do, but if I can’t find one, I will make do with that of a three year old. Recently, I’m told the Nigerian police beat me to it. Perhaps I have not been bold enough, I thank God for the Nigerian police for opening my eyes to the new possibilities of what power can do. But does that make them more powerful than me?  This is very annoying to me, as I feel that should have been me doing the killing as the most powerful of the most powerful. I will therefore have to kill a few Nigeria babies to show them, to satisfy my ego, to further validate my invincibility, to prove to the whole world that I am who I am. And nothing will happen.

Yes, yes, you may call me names,

Why, you may ask, why do I feel no remorse, no shame, and no pangs of conscience for the things that I have done and the things I will continue to do?

I feel absolutely no shame, no remorse, and no guilt because, along with the crooks and criminals, those who should be custodians of society and those who should have been considered incorruptible, those in vanguard of the educated class and those in charge of the religious and moral traditions of the society are fully on my side.

By the grace of God, they honor and accept me along with the crooks and criminals that I bring along to their functions, they prostitute themselves to associate with and want to hobnob with me. When they invite me into their homes, their places of worship, institutions and gathering, they eagerly sit me at the head of their table of honor.. Even the ones abroad, they who grandly say of themselves to be in “Diaspora”;grumble as few of them may, the majority of them love me and still welcome me. How do you think I bought all thoses houses and opened those bank accounts in foreign land?

I, one who came from nothing, out of nowhere now give the speeches to supposedly educated men and they listen. I now lecture their elders and natural rulers. Woe betide the nation.

 I have now become their master and they look up to me. I elevated myself and they elevated me even more. I sought power but I never knew I could acquire respectability too. Now, they have made me respectable. This is as you can imagine is very gratifying for me.

So now can you blame me? I may have made myself powerful but did I make myself respectable? Did I make myself clean? Am I the one who invite myself to their functions and place myself at the best sitting at the high table of the guests of honor?

So, now, in actual fact, am I the one killing Nigerians or is it they who accept and honor me when they should have and could have rejected me?

But why have they accepted me? Is it because they had no choices? Is it because they feared for their lives, feared for what I would have done to them had they not? No doubt, I could and would have killed some of them, but could I honestly have killed them all?

I think they accept me because deep in your hearts, the majority of them want to be just like me.

Now back to the task at hand. That of killing Nigerian babies

Robot  # 1 | 20.04.2009 07:57

Before I kill your baby, allow me to introduce myself to you. But before you blame or abuse me, please give me a fair hearing and listen to what I say in my own defense. My name is immaterial. You need not know me by name so I won’t give that to you. Also, you may not have personally met me but I guarantee that you’ve felt my impact one way or the other. You may or may not recognize me, though you see me everyday even if from afar.I may have passed you by on the street, typically behind gilded windows in a luxurious, shinny new car. Though that is neither here nor there, I and my friends and co-travelers in the Nigerian public space sometimes may or may not have worn a uniform. What is important is that now and again I make you stop and wait while I pass you by on the street. Occasionally, I stop my convoy to beat you and or strip you naked for not stopping for me, or for whatever reason takes my fancy. In fact, sometime, I stop to beat you and strip y...Read the full article.