Conversations with Korofo
Patrick Okene

Korofo where are you off to? 

I don tell you make you no dey call me korofo again, I be corporal now 

Korofo sounds better 

I no get power to argue 

Did you hear about the show of shame at Murhi Okuonla? 

Which kind show of shame? 

Have you not heard about the home video that was directed by Rear Admiral Harry Arogundande? 

You self na that one you dey call home video…Make that girl go do thanks giving 

Why? 

Because she lucky no be small, if no be say she be big man pikin she for see pepper 

You mean more than the brutality she was subjected to? 

You self with this your big grammar, the girl no get home training at all, why she go dey struggle koboko with Navy man? After all no be she be the first person wey them go flog. To make matters worse she come even flog the navy man. Na God save am say dem no carry am go their barracks because dem for do am wetin pass beating. 

Are you supporting what was done to her? 

The girl too stubborn 

But are you all not suppose to be protecting her and the rest of us Nigerians? 

Forget that side, those officers been dey protect dem oga and their own garri 

What do you mean? 

You no know say na oga dey give them food and small money to support their salaries? 

But you are employed the Federal Government of Nigeria and not your “oga” 

Federal Government no get our time, sometimes salaries dem no go even pay, one big man go just divert all the money enter im bank account. You even get to pay for your own uniform self. Na all these kind frustration dey make them get pepper eye. 

Have you ever read the constitution? 

Wetin come bring constitution enter this talk? 

Don’t you know what they did is illegal? 

No be today Navy, Police, Soldier and Airforce dey beat people for this country, even LATSMA and OPC don join self. Why you think say them dey call military people mad dogs or mopo as kill and go? Na because dem fit do and undo. And the girl mouth come dey over sharp, after all na leg woman dey open no be mouth 

I think you all need to go for psychiatric treatment 

Why you come dey abuse me now? 

With all due respect I think all of you including Harry are sick and you need massive reorientation, you are all working for us the citizens of Nigeria, your guns and your salaries are paid from our taxes. And you have caveman view of a woman 

But I don tell you say we no dey get our salary all the time 

That is not the point 

Wetin come be the point how I want take feed my family? 

It is not our fault that you breed like rabbits 

Why you dey talk like this, you dey call my children rabbits? 

But you do have 9 children and you are only 36 years old. How is that our fault? Your lack of family planning is not our emergency 

So what do you think will happen to the Naval ratings? 

Nothing go happen my brother, dem go first make initial gra-gra after that e go die down 

Did you hear of incident involving Jonathan Ross, Russel Brand and Andrew Sachs? 

Na who be those people? 

The first two are TV / Radio presenters and Sachs is the guy who played Manuel in Fawlty Towers 

Ok I remember that man, e funny well well o. But I think say na Spanish man e be 

No he is English

But wetin come carry them join this matter now? 

Ross and Brand called Sachs house to leave lewd messages on his phone 

I beg wetin be lewd? 

They left sexually explicit messages about his grand daughter on his phone 

How that one take concern me? 

It caused an outrage and in no time Prime Minister Brown and David Cameron waded into the matter 

Cameroun? 

No David Cameron the leader of the opposition 

I think say na Cameroun you call because that name dey make my blood boil wey I remember Bakassi 

But Nigerians dogs don’t share that sentiment 

Wetin you mean by that? 

Just that fewer Nigerian dogs will now end up in cooking pots. 

Your talk dey tire me self, from Uzoma talk you don jump enter 404 

I was simply trying to make a point. Anyway back to what I was saying. The British public was so outraged that Brand resigned and Ross was suspended for 3 months without pay for insulting Sachs and his grand daughter 

Wait o so you want make Oga Harry resign? 

If he had any dignity he would have done that ages ago 

My brother you want make the man take im own hand pour sand-sand inside im garri? 

Why re you so fixated on garri? 

My brother na garri dey rule us 

Are you aware the Presidency has waded into the matter? 

Aaah na im be say tory don get k leg. Oga Harry don carry gbese be that 

Why do you say that? 

You no say Baba go slow they always think and act for slow motion so if even him don enter this matter for this early stage, na im be say the matter serious no be small 

Did you hear that Rear Admiral Harry’s family are blaming the Naval ratings and that the man was not there? 

Why dem come dey tell this kind yeye lies? If them oga no dey there wetin you think say go make them go do that kind thing? Na order dem just follow 

The naval spokesman said they will set up a panel 

My brother forget that man e worse pass Saddam Hussein Information Minister, im mouth just dey drive rough, which kind panel dem want set? My brother them want panel beat the truth 

So who should be punished? 

I no fit answer that kind question o but from all the signs wey I dey see e be like say na the naval ratings dem go sacrifice. This country na wa, see as Oga Harry just put these poor ratings for trouble and now e want abandon them 

I don’t understand you, just moments ago you were defending him 

My brother water don pass garri 

That word again 

My brother abeg leave me jo 

Robot  Villager

# 1 Conversations with Korofo Patrick Okene Korofo where are you off to? I don tell you make you no dey call me korofo again, I be corporal now Korofo sounds better I no get power to argue Did you hear about the show of shame at Murhi Okuonla? Which kind show of shame? Have you not heard about the home video that was directed by Rear Admiral Harry Arogundande? You self na that one you dey call home video…Make that girl go do thanks giving Why? Because she lucky no be small, if no be say she be big man pikin she for see pepper You mean more than the brutality she was subjected to? You self with this your big grammar, the girl no get home training at all, why she go dey struggle koboko with Navy man? After all no be she be the first person wey them go flog. To make ...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 11.11.2008 01:35

Ani  Villager

# 2 It is now very obvious that the bulk of the Navy are jobless.They should fish out those ratings and send them to the Niger Delta.Dem no get power to subdue militants, na women dem get power to beat! Posted by Ani| 11.11.2008 05:54

somebody  Villager

# 3 Lololol...that is an extremely funny article. Posted by somebody| 11.11.2008 07:15

Jagunlabi  Villager

# 4 Oga okene, :smile::smile: che che che, i laugh i dey somersugar(sorry summersault) for ground. well that na Ninja story for you oh, people elsewhere dem dey appoint people like Obama to straight dem life out, wetin we get, people like Arogundade. If he know say he fit fight well well why he no go Niger Delta, na Woman, e come dey fight, shame no even catch am. But how he go shame, afterall baba go slow steal election and shame no caught am, Etteh steal money ,shame no catch am, Ibori, etc. You see, these people live in another planet, where decorum, civility, accountability, don't exist, unfortunately they have to lead some people(because not all) who believe in such virtue, so contradiction don dey, oro gbe si je. Until we as a people form ourselves into a collective force and tell these people that they are the pest in our lives and flush them away, another Arogundade, is just by the corner. Posted by Jagunlabi| 11.11.2008 08:30

M. Akosa  Villager

# 5 My brother Patrick Okene I hail you oh... True talk my brother. Naija women only know to open legs, dem no sabi open mouth at all talk sense or stand up and fight for themselves. That tiny Uzoma Okere girl sef. Her own pass me oh.... Wetin come give her the sense to realize say monkeys and baboons don take her make yeye for public, after I hear say she don kneel down and her papa make phone call dey beg the Oga rare animal arogundade for forgiveness. Wetin Navy officers dey do with koboko for main road in Lagos? Nigerian people den be herds of goat or cattle? Madness!!! After all na today we see nyash for back??? e don tey tey for naija, wey soja and police dey kill and goooo...... No be Uncle Segun soja brutalize and kill own dear female irreplaceable icon, Mama Fela Ransome Kuti. May her soul rest in peace. Wetin happen??? Only in Nigeria, Tufiakwa!!!! I beg o jare, make this matter go court quick quick. This one na history oh... only if that Uzoma girl and her Papa no go do the Naija thing, to settle for some small peanuts and favors here and there, knocking the Nigerian civilization back to stone age again. Me sef, I no fit wait to see police oh, navy oh, army oh, all of dem at the moment wey dey make public nuisance of themselves at moment in Nigeria, to get to their senses and to realize their full job description to the Naija citizens and general public. Posted by M. Akosa| 11.11.2008 10:08

Kelechi  Villager

# 6 Patrick thanks for the satire but I think the matter in hand is too serious to make light of it. Each time I have watched that poorly captured video my heart fills up with anger and my eyes sting. It brings to light how backward and uncivilsed a people we are. If 'well' trained soldiers could do that to a defenseless girl what can we exepect from our government or even people with criminal tendencies? I am once more glad that the NVS has taken the initiative to use this incident to correct some anomalies in our country. 1. Why should people who are sworn to protect innocent civilians go about with horse whips which they actually use as they please? 2. Why should gun and whip wielding soldiers brutalise anyone, let-alone a girl? It won’t be enough to teach these barbaric men a lesson by sacking them, the government must ban the carrying and use of horse whips, sirens, etc. But remember Patrick, this matter too serious oh! Posted by Kelechi| 11.11.2008 11:08

Gbolly  Villager

# 7 Funny... But the shame in our country is too huge to bear. Posted by Gbolly| 11.11.2008 13:53

Adeola Aderounmu  Villager

# 8 Thank you for a beautiful (true) story. Very funny....Indeed, what a country..! Posted by Adeola Aderounmu| 11.11.2008 14:30

Anioma777  Villager

# 9 Very funny satire!!!! The naval spokesman said they will set up a panel My brother forget that man e worse pass Saddam Hussein Information Minister, im mouth just dey drive rough, which kind panel dem want set? My brother them want panel beat the truth :D Rear Animal Arogundande must be punished and not only the ratings. Posted by Anioma777| 11.11.2008 20:55

Multioption  Villager

# 10 "So what do you think will happen to the Naval ratings?" "Nothing go happen my brother, dem go first make initial gra-gra after that e go die down" Posted by Multioption| 11.11.2008 21:10

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