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A country of 120 million and still counting, Nigeria could not have arrived at being the most populous nation in Africa by abstaining from sex. Our men even have the dubious reputation of being among the most virile in the world with a predilection for the nubile. Yet until very recently, we remained reticent about discussing sex and pertinent issues of sexuality, save for the titillating tit bits and lewd jokes couched in euphemisms only the initiated would understand. With the introduction of foreign sexuality education curricular that proponents claim will combat AIDS and other sexually transmittable diseases, a window for debate was opened. The window was quickly shut however, by puritans who are seemingly unwilling to confront some serious issues of sexuality that they claim are being surreptitiously introduced to our children. What we fail to acknowledge is that these issues may already be here. We cannot discountenance the coming out in recent times of those who have sexual leanings that are not exactly in the mainstream. It has become so common now that the general picture has changed gradually from ‘the brother/sister of someone who is known to someone I know’ to ‘my friend’s brother/sister’. And if you are seen as a moderate and are a close confidant then you might get to hear first hand how a brother/sister or even the speaker is a …’ Agreed such news still leaves many shell-shocked with reactions that will do the Victorian virgin proud, becoming needful of copious amounts of smelling salts or even leading to cardiac arrest in the unwary. However, whether we like it or not, it is becoming more acceptable that a person may be sexually interested only in those with whom they share the same reproductive makeup. The phenomenon does occur in nature as has been proven by science and is therefore natural, although it might be described as abnormal; meaning simply that it is different from the normal or the average. In a few years, with cupid’s arrows striking where they will and with the help of technology, this and similar phenomena that are right now considered aberrations may yet become the norm, even in our Nigeria. The future of sex among Nigerians and in Nigeria can be foretold by what is happening now. It is no longer news when a member of the family comes out of the closet to announce that they are gay and live openly with partners. I know a mother who has the picture of her gay son and his partner, hanging on the wall side by side with those of her married sons whose partners are wives. When asked about the other man in the picture who is obviously not her son since he is white, she says simply that he is her son’s friend. Naturally not every one is discerning enough to know what friend means in that context. The dear woman has been able to step into the new age of varied sexuality and is totally accepting of her son’s preferences. She is comfortable enough with the notion to stay with the happy couple for months at a time in their apartment at the Barbican whenever she is in London. Don’t ask me what she thinks about when they say goodnight or whether she is encouraging them to do the right thing by getting married now that same sex marriage is legal. At least then, she can explain the white man in the picture as her son's spouse. The mother of a self-confessed lesbian on the other hand took permanent abode in church, praying for the redemption of her daughter’s soul. She started an endless round of novenas from the day she walked in on her daughter getting it on with a ‘close’ friend and to this day, her daughter’s name will cross her lips only in prayer. Still the egalitarian daughter, unmoved by her mother’s distress is very comfortable in her skin. She makes no secrets of her preferences and went after any female she fancied just as any man would, but these days she has settled into a relationship that looks like it is permanent and they are even talking about having a baby. Sounds like a foreign tabloid story, but it is happening in our Nigeria. Many of us have friends who are in these relationships and thankfully, we try not to be judgemental about how they have chosen to live. After all, Sodom and Gomorrah predates science as we now know it and Lot’s wife has since become seasoning in countless soup pots. How comfortable would we be however if our brother George wants to become Georgina? In church the other day, there was commotion at the altar when the priest refused to give communion to a very nice looking woman in a blond wig. She caught the attention of the congregation when the priest left her kneeling at the rails and returned the chalice to the altar signifying the end of communion without having given her some. Few knew this woman in a blond wig was actually a man until two female churchwardens decided to frog march her out of the place. The effortless ease with which s/he splattered the exuberant holy police on to the floor ensured that a good number of communicants, who should still have been praying, had to pick remnants of the Lord’s body off their shirtfronts. The story went round quickly about how this woman had been taken into a shelter for abused women until s/he was found out. Like all wannabe transsexuals, he has the psychological urge to belong to the opposite sex, but his community will not let him. The future is here. Deny it as we do, our sexual attitudes has come under tremendous foreign influence although some would argue that homosexual relationships are traditional to Africa. Encouraged by the media, aberrant sexual expressions have become more than mere trivial pursuit for the very rich, it is fast becoming our way of life, one that may have sinister dimensions. A Jane Average in an emotional quandary divulged sensitive personal information to a male colleague whose shocked expletive in an open plan office turned one mother’s tragedy into the topic of conversation, bandied about in entertainment. Her brother-in-law, who for proximity to the university campus came to stay with the family, started to sodomise their 4-year-old son. Her husband forbade her to talk about it, claiming that in spite of a bloodied rectum the boy could have been imagining things. He also refused that his half brother should be sent away because it would cause a family rift of which he wanted no part. Unfortunately, stories like this abound in the newspapers but you seldom hear that perpetrators are brought decidedly to book. Could the experience of children at the hands of adults be the reason for the proliferation of unusual sexual expressions? Could other endemic repressions in society be finding expression in unusual sexual preferences? Many Nigerians that subscribe to a gay lifestyle say that they ‘discovered’ themselves in boarding house. Adult family members or hired help, majority of whom re in normal relationships, introduced others to it. This brings up questions about bisexuality. The buzz in town is about prominent individuals, respectably married, who have special relationships with close friends and protégés of the same sex. There are also questions of bestiality, young girls caught in compromising positions with big animals under the lustful gaze of well paying clients. Name it and it is here but our technology and laws are still lagging behind. Since we will not talk about it, we are unable to decide as a people what is or is not acceptable in our society. How much individual freedom is desirable and what support structures should be put in place for those who vary a little from the normal? What are the medical and psychosocial ramifications of unfettered sexual freedom? Are we still too poor and hungry to consider these issues?
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Posted by Robot| 27.07.2006 22:36