| Doggone Mad and other Jazzy Stories |
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| Sunday, 26 March 2006 | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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A new priest was posted to a parish somewhere in the East where he was very well received because apart from being a son of the soil, the young man was undeniably attractive with looks that would make simple church goers like me wonder why he felt persuaded to a life of celibacy. This opinion was shared by members of his flock, many of whom welcomed him with open arms and batting eyelashes in the hope that he would be tempted by tacitly promised pleasures. But this priest was true to his calling and all but one of his flock accepted this. She saw the priest in the office and made private visits to the rectory to share personal troubles. She was duly penitent at confession, accepting her penances with demure smiles and a lowered gaze. She was altogether a very good, caring and obedient parishioner available to the beck and call of her spiritual guide who lived in spiritual oblivion not ever having been at the receiving end of such dedicated wooing.
Months went past and the parishioner had still not managed to penetrate the spiritual cloud that surrounded her quarry. She resorted to the more earthy traditional assistance that she was more conversant with and could better rely upon. Her reasoning must have been that even priests had to eat sometimes and there is nothing more tempting than traditional meals of ones youth. So she cooked a pot of the local delicacy and took it over to father’s house just before lunch. Her plan, to sit with him and urge him to eat the food in her presence. However, this was not to be. On that day father was particularly busy. He had to attend to some other duties probably at the behest of the diocese. So he explained to her that he would come back to the food and let her know how much he enjoyed it by her next visit which was almost daily.
The food was left forgotten by the unsuspecting priest in the basket that it had been brought. It was his dog that discovered it and ate his fill even before the priest arrived from his errand. The priest who as part of their creed and training would never have eaten alone sent what was left of the food to the kitchen where the steward seeing the mess made by the dog disposed of it in the compost pit.
The dog did not return from its usual evening walk but search for him was delayed until the following day since it was late and the priest had to perform his vespers. Unknown to them in the church house the dog had turned up at the parishioners house and to the puzzlement of her children proceeded to follow her everywhere nudging her with his head every opportunity he got. The dog was severely beaten by the woman’s husband when he got back but instead of running away, he stood behind her window and yowled continuously all night, quietening only when she came out to sit with him and stroked him on the head. It was an exasperated husband that turned up at father’s house the next morning seeking assistance and divine intervention for this dog that was inexplicably attracted to his wife. He strongly believed that the village people were at it again only this time they employed the most unorthodox means he had yet seen.
Imagine the priest’s surprise when on arrival at the parishioner’s house with his supply of holy water he saw that the culprit was his dog. To start with he had never visited this parishioner at home and he never actually went anywhere with his dog who had ventured quite a way from home. The priest came with his steward who was as surprised but was able to put two and two together very quickly, having been the one to clean up the mess made by the dog. He asked the parishioner straight away what she put in the food brought to the rectory the day before but it was her incredulous husband that exclaimed “you still cook that dish in this house?!!!” The rest is now gist for retelling while sitting by night fires waiting for sleep to arrive.
The belief in jazz, (otumopo, juju. TRC, RAF, voodoo - take your pick) and that it is used for personal benefit or to destroy ones enemies is still more commonplace in
Don’t ask me how I come by these stories, like you I find them very entertaining if hardly believable. From the housemaid that commanded hot flames to consume her mistress’s apartment, getting badly burnt in the process while everyone else went unhurt to the mother-in-law that binds the womb of her son’s wife preventing her from getting pregnant, or even the priest’s mother who charms him into siring four children in spite of his vow of celibacy. Ask the Pentecostal pastors about their numerous customers from whom they cast out demons and loose age-old family curses.
According to them that live in the
Of more interest to me however is why very well educated people with due exposure to science and the ability to reason through most other things believe these stories and in the efficacy of jazz, accepting that it is still commonly used even as most forswear its use. Their only shield against jazzy weapons they say is their ardent faith in Christ and the evangelical prowess of their man of God.
Your friend no sooner falls on hard times than that he begins to bind and cast out demons when you visit or just happen to be around, especially if your Christianity is not obvious enough. The medical doctor that reached the limits of his knowledge a couple of visits ago would eagerly advise you to go home to the village to investigate spiritual causes of an entirely physical ailment. Women spend hours in church waging spiritual warfare against real and imagined enemies especially the mother-in-law who becomes responsible by default for the effects of premarital promiscuous living.
If all ills that befall one are truly traceable to the activities of an enemy, I would rather the option offered by some regions in
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I will not swear by this story but my sister says it is true and I don’t disbelieve her since she has not been given to lying about such things. A few tall tales yes, but not outright lies.
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Posted by Robot| 26.03.2006 00:17