I watched from a friend’s balcony as these two women slugged it out while the object of their contention made haste towards his car parked not too far away, completely unnoticed by the duellers. The crowd that gathered made little effort to separate the women until underwear and boobs popped into view and then other women hurriedly moved in to prevent a display of female nakedness that they thought would be a disgrace to every woman. My amusement came not from the show of shame but from the men who muscled their way through the crowds ostensibly to help separate the fighters. I could see very clearly from my vantage point that they were doing more than separating. They copped several feels of female anatomy that would otherwise not have been accessible to them.

These women were mothers and daughters and sisters and from their appearance they were not that young. From language used to insult each other, including the fone and the been-to diction, they must have benefited from some level of education and indeed may actually have been to. I imagine that in the right circles they would make pretences at non-existent graces and probably snob others they consider not in their social class. Yet these were the very ones who moved to save them from total and out right disgrace of themselves while those that would be better described as being in their social class, stood aloof,  tsked  and made doleful comments about people behaving badly.

People in the neighbourhood were happy to fill me in on what was going on. Apparently, the man that escaped in his car established a love nest a few years previous with the mother of his only son. This woman had other children from previous relationships but finally became cherished  for being able to give birth to a male child and I dare say, maybe she was also better able to provide a more restful and entertaining environment for ‘her man’. General conjecture was that the wife must have found out about the love nest and tailed her husband to the place. When she arrived, she went straight to the apartment, nearly shook the doors off its hinges until she was let in and then proceeded to rain abuses on the other woman, totally ignoring her husband’s entreaties to desist and go home. When she took the quarrel a step further by destroying equipment and furniture was when the other woman decided to physically throw her out of the apartment. They both tumbled on to the street and provided us with free show and a titillating topic for gist.

Love triangles are as old as time, the sets and intersects keep shifting depending on how prolific parties to the relationships are in taking other lovers. People have killed and been killed for love, I know a young woman that mixed up a cocktail of shaving powder and downed it on the suspicion that her boyfriend  was going to leave her for the girl in the next room. She lived with her parents one street away from her boyfriend  but always found this girl in his room each time she visited. Boyfriend reassured her time and again that his young cotenant only ran errands like iron his shirt, cook his meals and fetch his bath water, but girlfriend was tormented by the derisive attitude of the young neighbour and saw more than she was being told as true so she took her own life.

For me, distressing as this young woman’s decision to take her own life was, it is much better and nobler than what the woman that went to fight her husband’s lover decided to do. My firm belief is that no matter how much you think you have been wronged, you have no business with the other person and should never violate their territory, much less their privacy. Your relationship is with your lover and that is whom you should sort things out with if there is anything left to sort out after infidelity. The other alternative being to remove oneself from the relationship, only not as permanently as the young woman, who drank a mixture of shaving powder, chose to do. It might read well in Romeo and Juliet but life is too sweet and interesting to die for love. Besides there will always be someone else.

The husband in this instance was quick to escape a very non-dignifying situation, suffered not a scratch but may have been handed ammo to use against his wife when she eventually returned home. Think if they have a comfortable home and he has fulfilled every single one of his traditional duties, including putting food on the table, paying all the bills and regularly visiting his conjugal bed, society would side with him should he decide to punish her in anyway for fighting his lover. It is not likely that many would remember that he put her life in danger and jeopardised the future of their children when he brought a third sexual party into their marriage.

I wonder what she thought she would be able to do by herself when she decided to pay a visit to her husband’s love nest. Disgrace the other woman and her husband perhaps, or maybe damage the TV and leave the apartment in shambles. The worst she could have achieved would have been to inflict some mortal injury on the other woman or her husband but then where would that have left her with regard to the law. Nigerian judicial system has a nasty habit of being very efficient when you least expect it and there are many women and men languishing in jail awaiting trial for crimes committed in the heat of passion. What if the other woman was stronger or more irrational than she was and was able to do her greater physical damage, maiming or disfiguring her in some way? My grandmother used to say you can only tell what you are able to do to other people, never what they have in store for you.

The incidence ended well considering. No damage could have been done that painkillers and a swig of brandy would not repair. Being felt up by unknown men will also not do lasting damage to the psyche. However, after the storm what happens? Will members of the triangle be able to continue with their lives as before, was that the death of peace and happiness for the family?

Robot  Villager

# 1 ...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 09.02.2008 09:49

10Kobo  Villager

# 2 Nice jist you got there. I always wonder whether when people "fight over their lover", when its the love they fight over, or is it their bruised-ego, or is it their 'rightful' selfishness/possesiveness or what exactly they fight for? Stupid question from a stupid person like me but am actually very idle sometimes and thats when l engage in this sort of 'idle-min' thoughts :D We ha a discussion in a security-training subject class and a similar question was asked: if you came home, opened your door with your keys and met another man doing "your wife' congo" on your bed, what will you do? Some swear it will be cutlass, some said its a Revolver, some said they would just collapse but just one or two people said they would pick their bags and take a walk! A final walk! A silly but true adage in my language literally translates as "if the wall does not offer cracks, a lizard cannot find its way through"! True talk, after-all its not a case of rape. Painful as it is at first sight, it takes a very strong character to be able to control one's rage but a proverb once said that "anger is found in the bosom of fools". Infidelity is a sign that love has gone wane since love in itself is very jealous and possessive. Let it go and peacefully too, fighting over love is not only stupid, it could cause you your freedom. At times we just want to show and prove "ownership" of the other person but in real fact, you do not own, anymore, a spouse that cheats on you: You've lost the person, since! Better would have been achieved if you had noticed and made effort to reign-in the erring partner before the 'problem' becomes full-blown. By having a frank discussion where the other party is encouraged to 'lay-down, on the table' his/her reason for indulging in such acts and y to see if his/her reasons/grievance could be resolved and failure which, you just have to "let-go', so as to manage the heartache that naturally follow. "If you love somebody, set him/her free, if they come back to you then, they will remain with you but if not, they never really belonged o you in the first place". Such is Love. My 10Kobo idle mind! Posted by 10Kobo| 09.02.2008 20:22

mulan  Villager

# 3 10Kobo, You have said it all... Mutti, Another good article with some food for thought. Him/ her who has ears, as they say, let him/her hear... Posted by mulan| 10.02.2008 12:35

Mutti  Villager

# 4 Dear Mulan, you are kind. Thanks for reading my article Posted by Mutti| 11.02.2008 16:28