A girl like me! Well maybe not quite, because I certainly see her as being braver, more daring and so far able to fulfil her desires without fear of censor.

She came to my notice because of a striking prettiness that she carried as though she was unaware of yet used to her utmost advantage. Her complexion a definite asset for which not even Clinique can take all the credit. Still I digress. Faridha as I have chosen to call her was a long stay guest at a hotel in the northern town where I went to do some work recently. Ironically, the work was to do with trafficking in persons so my antennae were tuned to finding real examples that I could use as illustrations for my report. I did not expect a story like Faridha’s.

She chose of her own accord to go into the trade, she understands very well the dangers and has in her own words, come to terms with the fact that she might fall victim to one of its most feared side effects, HIV. Nevertheless, it is a risk she is willing to take although she tries to reduce it as much as she is able by taking the usual precautions, including once downing a two-week course of anti retroviral when she thought she may have been exposed

According to her, she left home because she wanted to live her dream, go to school and have a good time. Good time for her equates to high fashion, a vibrant nightlife and good satisfying sex when and how she wants it. Coming from an upper middle class home, her parents could afford to pay for the education but would not allow the vibrant night life or stand for the a daughter that would have sex whenever and however she wanted it, so she left home to make her own way in the world as far away from them as she could.

It has always been easy for her to pick men up and make them pay her bills. It is the reason she has been able to live in an upmarket hotel and pay her way through school. She has all the clothes she wants and travels abroad twice or thrice a year although some times the trips are for activities related to an international youth club of which she is an active member. She also prays 5 times a day, believes very strongly in God and in his protection over her, plus she is as good to every body as she is able and begs forgiveness when she offends.

To be honest, her personality is winsome in a non-cloying way so she is comfortable to be around with none of that jarring stridency that characterises people in her profession. You can tell from her ways that she was raised with all the right manners. She is well spoken, I never heard her once use a swear word, she knew the right cutlery to use, that you spread the napkin on your laps and cross your legs at the ankles. She also knew the appropriate courtesies for every occasion it would seem, how to put people at their ease, how to listen, how to work the crowd at a cocktail. Little wonder I thought, when in the course of our conversations I discovered that her father used to be an ambassador in the glory days of Nigeria. That might have been when the seed for her ambition was sown, who knows.

Faridha goes to the university nearby and is popular among the staff of the hotel where she has lived for the past 3 years. An Italian, a mining prospector, who may have discovered more that the precious metal he came to these shores to seek, is currently picking up her bills. He requires that she attends to no other clients except him but then according to Faridha she gets lonely waiting for him and does attend to other clients who can pay well enough and are discreet enough to stay away when her long-term beau returns to town. She got into trouble once or twice already when the Italian noticed her unholy alliance with another white expatriate and gave her the beating of her life.

This was where I begged to differ from her. No client should have the right to beat her, she should be protected by law. Faridha simply laughed at me, her incredulity at my naivety in spite of being Nigerian obvious in her derisive answer, ‘report to who, the police, in this town, with Shari a?’ I observed that she plied her trade in spite of Shari a, and her response was who is to know if she did not advertise the fact. Her religion and religiousness were totally understated as to go unnoticed and her clients were passed off as professional acquaintances or friends of her parents come to visit to those who ask. She found it difficult  to explain why the Italian beat her up so viciously to hotel guests and staff so they had no choice but to stand down when she was not forthcoming with information. She expects they reached their own conclusion.

As I did. I thought this young woman was living in a world of delusion. If she believed that people were clueless about what she was getting up to then she was obviously not reading the signals. What worried me was that she was willing to submit herself to the vagaries of the trade, the risk of chronic, even fatal infections and of being maimed or killed by an irate customer. She told me that she had taken some insurance against when the body grows too old to be saleable by studying a lucrative course at a recognised university and making the right contacts through the clubs and associations to which she belongs. The remarkable thing is that she is very obviously intelligent and is multi lingual (even speaks what sounds to me like fluent Italian in addition to the three main Nigerian languages and Igala) but she cannot see beyond her desire for an exciting life while she is young. Her answer to HIV is condoms with all but long-term customers like the Italian.

When Faridha told me that her thrills come from ‘pleasuring men’, her words not mine, she brought to mind my one time dream of becoming a courtesan. It remained nothing more than a romantic notion not just because I am more than a bit challenged in the looks department, I also had a strong sense of self-preservation (my mother would have hunted me down even if I set up base in the South Pole).

Seeing that I was fascinated by her story, Faridha tried to help me to understand a bit more. She explained the satisfaction she got from knowing that she delights men, the power of her beauty and evident good breeding an irresistible mix for men who want to be elevated by association. I was awed by her confidence in the effect she has on men. However, I could not help but think that the sense of power that she probably got from being in control of giving pleasure will change to powerlessness as time wears on. Soon, if she becomes attached to one of her clients as she appears to have become to the Italian. A dead give away was when she tried to put the beating down to the fact that he loved her and that Italians are known for their passionate nature. A broken bone here and there is apparently small price to pay for this love. Why else would she allow him the pleasure of battering no matter how infrequent, when according to her she never has a problem getting men to pay her bills.

A young woman resigned to life threatening perquisites of her chosen profession and inadvertently providing a positive role model for a dodgy profession. For what girl would not want to be like Faridha, cool and sophisticated and wanting in nothing at all, except maybe common sense.

If I met her on the day after the beating by the Italian, I would have been up in arms, standing up for the rights of the weaker sex. If she had told me that she had little choice but to sell her body to educate herself, I would have been full of compassion. I would have cussed at the Government that has failed the lot of us, at fathers who sire children and then fail in their responsibility to rear them and I would have pitied the lot of women who are hapless victims of society, their men folk and poor government policies. The reality of a girl like Faridha, who chose this decadent and limiting life style, momentarily denied me my favourite indulgence of railing at the failings of society and postulating socialist theories on how it would all be better if only.

Although I know that there are many cases where young women and girls are abused and exploited as sexual chattels, a trend has emerged in Nigeria where young women with little cause pick up the trade. It has become the path of least resistance and they have willing clients, not just in expatriates but also in men who have fallen upon the easy pickings of politics, the petroleum and the financial sectors.  Nigerian men these days do not think that a man should sleep alone and they pay handsomely for a warm body or two or even three. No wonder then that young women have decided to do no work more demanding than to learn the details of hotel ceilings. What girl would deny herself the latest bauble when all she has to do is lay back and think of England, France, Italy or anywhere in the world to go buy some designer labels.

Faridha is more the norm than we would like to admit and she thrives even deep within the folds of the most concealing hijab. Financial futures have been secured and lucrative businesses established from the proceeds of the trade so why should the rest of us to be left out? There are already so many willing participants, so why are we making pretences at high morals by legislating dress codes and adult relationships (it is obvious that these issues cannot be legislated no matter how vigilant the holy police). We should instead seek ways to exploit the gains of this vibrant sex trade for the benefit of everybody, not just the madams, glorified political groupies and corporate affairs managers, who make large profits from arranging girls (maybe even boys) for high profile events.  Just think that no matter its negative effect, it will only be another laurel to our already laden lapel.

Robot  Villager

# 1 Faridha is more the norm than we would like to admit and she thrives even deep within the folds of t...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 27.01.2008 19:26

slay  Villager

# 2 as tragic as this story is, it is commonplace in nigeria. our society has failed its kids and its vulnerable. there is no reconciliation between what we preach and what we practice; between fantasy and reality. otherwise, how do you explain the epedemic of prostitution in a society where 89% of us attend an average of one religious service a week, more than any country on the face of the earth! why have so many women in nigeria resorted to the trade? why is it ok for the average nigerian man to pick up and discard these women with no shame or thought? the questions are plentiful, even if the answers are not forthcoming. what takes a woman to the point where she finds no option to survival other than selling her body to the highest bidder? i will take a stab at that last question.... first, as a society we have degenerated to the point that a girl like faridha,from a supposedly "good" family now sells her body for money. why is this the case? first and foremost, as the moral fabric of our society was being torn into shreds, there emerged a cynicism that engulfed the entire state to the point that all sense of morality, social, political or otherwise, was thrown out of the window. if it was ok to steal, it must be ok to cheat, if it was ok to lie it must be ok to do whatever it takes to survive. when you have politicians looting and preachers, boldface, stealing, 419ers and prostitution must, thus, be acceptable! there is no moral line! secondly, we are a society that has never come face to face with our sexual criminality. how many girls and women are molested on a daily basis? how many women are raped on a daily basis? how many of these cases ever get reported and to who? the police? please!! whoever gets prosecuted??what psychological damage do we impart on these victims of man's most henious crime (save for murder)? in the west, it has been documented that as much as 70% of prostitutes were sexually abused at one time or another before they became prostitutes. i am a man so what the hell do i know? thirdly, poverty is not an excuse for armed robbery neither is it an excuse for prostitution. but we must tamper such strict judgements with common sense. it is obviously easier to steal if one is hungry that if you are full. haven said that, are some of us just habitual thieves?or habitual liars or habitual prostitutes for that matter? is it nature or nuture?is there a linkage between hunger and greed? does hunger necessitate crime? or is it greed that necessitate crime? these are questions for psychologist and sociologist to answer. as much as i am a believer in self determination, i cannot claim to have the answer for why women chose prostitution. i have spoken to several women in nigeria who defend the profession as a necessity for survival.....some who have condemned it completely....some who have defended prostition on the grouds that the end justifies the means.isn't that the capitalist mantra? i am still of the opinion that we are too quick to judge and to condemn...and we mostly believe in black and white, but real life offers so much grey. so much grey!! in the end each of us must sleep in the bed we make. if you believe in a higher power, you will be judged when you face your maker. let the debate begin.... Posted by slay| 28.01.2008 21:37

truthsayer33  Villager

# 3 there are rich women in nigeria who 'buy' young men and treat them like sex trophies.This sex thing is as old as the hills. Posted by truthsayer33| 28.01.2008 21:59

datuouwadaberechi  Villager

# 4 dear author, what a well-written, thought-provoking and well-grounded article. its really an excellent, and in my view, balanced, and really non-judgemental write-up. the contents may not be agreeable, but truth sometimes is poetry. its a pity, like u say, that farida has decided to limit herself despite her potential, while making excuses and claiming to have fun. more grease to her elbows if she enjoys her life. and yep, let her pay her taxes like d rest of us!!!!! may our own kids never in their lives seek or enjoy such "fun". once again, congrats on a good job. Posted by datuouwadaberechi| 29.01.2008 11:58

mulan  Villager

# 5 Mutti, A very good well written article. The topic is one quite prevalent among the young girls of our time. This is why I will always say that prostitutuin is a thing of personal judgment.... Posted by mulan| 29.01.2008 13:21

EezeeBee  Villager

# 6 Lady Mutti, You've emerged with a fascinating, thought-provoking and well written article! Again! It reads as a study in choices, risks, and considered rewards, things we ALL do daily in all aspects of life. I appreciate too, the lack of stridency with which you describe what your former reflexive reactions might have been regarding the 'victim' and the 'victimized' in your narrative. It made your article accessible, readable, enjoyable and enlightening. While I feel you veered a little into judgemental territory, especially with descriptions like 'dodgy profession', 'decadent and limiting lifestyle' and 'wanting in nothing... except common sense', on the whole, I was able to visualize your impressions and interaction with this young lady unencumbered by needless and pointless postulations. In a sense, perhaps you are just waking up to the reality that is the basis for much of human activity today. Because we can. The US invades Iraq... because it can; Same sex couples exist... because they can; politicians loot treasuries... because they can! Society, in it's infinite wisdom has 'grown' and 'matured' to the extent that social 'norms' are being formed, reformed and deformed in a relatively short time span. Combined with the allure and impact of technology on every aspect of human endeavor, the 'generation gap' of today's teens to their parents might be twice the 'size' of one or two generations before. Few amongst us didn't 'dream' or 'imagine' different 'outcomes' for our lives, especially when we were teenagers. For reasons of valuing the connections we had with larger societal expectations, many of us 'chose' not to pursue a number of those 'outcomes'. There is less to stop us now. The question is not 'Why' any more; it's 'Why not?' I see the lady you described as doing what she's CHOSEN to do, because she can. In today's climate of 'freedom', I'd dare anybody to deny her that choice. Posted by EezeeBee| 30.01.2008 05:18