Our glorious leader, the imitable, immutable and irrefutable IBB was unceremoniously ‘edged’ out of office by ‘jealous’ people a few years ago.  Today, we have this unique opportunity to bring him back to make us “whole again”. A new IBB presidency would produce the following much needed changes, and stem the downward slide into decay, that some people have mistakenly referred to as ‘progress’ in Nigeria: 

The Press: these people are getting out of hand. Are they mad?  They write all kinds of things with little fear of letter bombs, assaults, arrests, detentions or even proscription. What is the world coming to?  Who needs all these investigative journalism and bold commentaries?  There is too much ‘grammar’.  Abi na grammar we go chop?  IBB ‘tamed’ the press once; he can do it again, just wait and see. 

The Judiciary:  I am telling you, this age-limit thing is nonsense.  Look at an outstanding jurist like our universally acclaimed and beloved Chief Justice A. Belgore who understands the importance of military coups and martial rule.  He should be on the Supreme Court for life. To forestall attempts by some to turn our judiciary into something we are not familiar with, IBB would ensure we get more judges like him.  Why move the clock forward when you can move it backwards?  Long live martial law! 

The Legislature: the lawmakers are becoming too powerful.  Look at how they stopped the third-term agenda.  If IBB were to come back, he would ‘make’ them see reason, before they become too swollen-headed and begin to pass laws that would entrench democracy and empower the Nigerian people. IBB ruled successfully for eight years without a legislature: he can do it again.  After all, then Russian President Boris Yeltsin bombed parliament; who says we can’t do same under IBB?  We can even give it a Nigerian flavor by using home-made bombs, thereby promoting the growth of the military-industrial complex and improving the Nigerian economy. 

The Economy: managing this has been likened to riding a ferocious tiger.  Who better to ride this tiger than one with the temperament of a big cat, who can be described as the tiger of Nigerian politics, as in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon?    IBB has had eight years of experience as a tyrant, and besides, doesn’t tiger rhyme with tyrant? 

The Masses: all they do is complain, and whine.  No money, no food, no water, no housing, no jobs, and so on.  IBB was about to take care of all these problems after eight years of careful and diligent planning when he was unfortunately ‘edged’ out of office.  He can now come back to finish what he started.  And if all else fails, we can trust IBB’s network of intelligence operatives to ‘take care’ of those who still complain in the face of the ‘obvious progress’ that would follow an IBB presidency. 

Corruption: now wait a minute! The 419ers have brought Nigeria much more fame than, to name a few, Achebe, Ndibe, Sade, Seal or Soyinka combined.  Some of you would say: “That’s bad publicity”.  Oh yeah?  Even Donald Trump has acknowledged that bad publicity is better than no publicity.  This EFCC nonsense must be stopped.  People complain now that the EFCC is partial.  Well, wait until IBB takes over, and they would be saying: “What EFCC?”  Now you see it, now you don’t.  Long live 419! 

The Military: what is all this talk about organizing a professional military, as if we were not professional enough under IBB in organizing some of the best planned and executed coups in the world!  Haba!  What this country needs is military discipline! Just look at how IBB whipped the country into shape under martial law.  Who in their right minds will not want more of the same?  Don’t mind Wole Soyinka with all his talk about militricians.  His Nobel Prize has obviously gone to his head.  Abi na Nobel Prize we go chop? 

The Nigerian Police: do you know how many assassinations the police solved during IBB’s reigns?  Yeah, yeah, some may even accuse IBB of committing quite a few himself; but where is the proof?  If it doesn’t fit, then you must acquit.  Let’s stay focused here and consider how today the police can’t even catch a regular armed robber.  Look at the speed with which IBB caught Anini; some say in minutes, but we know that is a well-intentioned exaggeration; he actually did it in a couple of days!  And what is all this talk about abolishing road-blocks?  Nigerians have come to accept road-blacks as a form of social taxation to supplement the income of our already overpaid cops.  IBB would even come up with an ingenious way to have the cops pay taxes on their takings, thereby enhancing the national treasury. After all, isn’t he the Evil Genius?  I mean, who is your daddy now? 

For all these reasons, I crave your indulgence in supporting our home-grown, home-made Evil Genius, the imitable and immutable Maradona, as he seeks to regain power to make us “whole again”.  He is a genuine Nigerian brand, not one of those imported types you see all around like Pat Utomi with his PhD.  Abeg, na PhD. we go chop?  Don’t you know our motto: “To chop is life”? Thank you so very much for your kind and considerate attention—I am yours truly: John O. B. Mohammed, leader of the Nigerian Christian-Muslim Chop-Chop Club for IBB.   
 
Note: Any similarity between this article and a 419 letter is completely intentional.

Robot  Villager

# 1 Our glorious leader, the imitable, immutable and irrefutable IBB was unceremoniously ‘edged’ ou...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 03.09.2006 22:55

DeepThought  Villager

# 2 In a septic tank, scum always floats to the top, therefore in a perfect scum tank such as Nigeria's political environment, why should one suppose an IBB will not float to the top? Posted by DeepThought| 04.09.2006 00:13

emj  Villager

# 3 For all these reasons, I crave your indulgence in supporting our home-grown, home-made Evil Genius, the imitable and immutable Maradona, as he seeks to regain power to make us “whole again”. He is a genuine Nigerian brand, not one of those imported types you see all around like Pat Utomi with his PhD. Abeg, na PhD. we go chop? Don’t you know our motto: “To chop is life”? Thank you so very much for your kind and considerate attention—I am yours truly: John O. B. Mohammed, leader of the Nigerian Christian-Muslim Chop-Chop Club for IBB. Walahi Fred--- i bin dey sharpen my matchete when i bin dey read ya article:p, u had me going hot and cold with ya header:rolleyes: Ewu Evil Genius---na real nigerian brand, to even for a moment think that some imbeciles want him at the helm of affairs again is utterly ridiculous:rolleyes: se hin bin forget one password for Aso Rock wey he wan go take, or hin get one kin pickin wey he wan go born for there ko:idea: Posted by emj| 04.09.2006 16:53

VOR  Villager

# 4 Be careful, his bunch of sycophants may see this as support for the evil genius and may decide to use this for their campaign to "educate" us Nigerians on the need to have babaginda back in 07. emj, na the bra wey Miriam forget for Aso rock na hin dey wan go collect now :D Posted by VOR| 04.09.2006 17:03

Balance  Villager

# 5 Deep Throat, I hate to agree with, you are so right. But please let us classify them as political ruling leaders. The dediicated young ones are in for real gutter fight. Watch the beneficiaries of looters cry foul when the scumbs get paid back in kind. Posted by Balance| 04.09.2006 20:36

BLF  Villager

# 6 Visit www.againstbabangida.com. Won't you? Posted by BLF| 06.09.2006 19:23

fredlintaz  Villager

# 7 BLF Villager Re: .Why IBB Must Rule Again! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Visit www.againstbabangida.com. Won't you? _______________________________________________________________ BLF: Thanks for the link--I hope others check out the site too! Posted by fredlintaz| 07.09.2006 01:17