It was Thursday, June 12 morning and we were all cramped into the tiny small Gurara Hall of Rockview Hotel, in the highbrow Wuse 2 district of Abuja. At the behest of the Federal Ministry of Health, we had gathered as ‘stakeholders ‘ for the launch of the first malaria-focused health education and sensitization book prepared for primary and secondary school students. The advert in This Day newspaper stated that the event will kick-off by 9:00am and I made haste to join members of the development committee and delegates from the states etc.

Then began the wait for the special guest of honour. The Permanent Secretary of the Ministry,Dr Shehu Sule made it in good time, as well as the Acting Minister of Health,Dr. Hassan Muhammad Lawal, who has brought a lot of dynamism since Prof. Adenike Grange was booted out unceremoniously with the help of EFCC for the ministerial scam she got into. The hall was filled beyond its usual capacity, and I attempted to huddle and sit at the first row of seats beside some UNICEF friends so exchange banters before the meeting commenced. I was to get a shocker when the one of the organizers screamed to our ears: ‘These seats are reserved for the VP’s wife’s guests!’ They were 13 seats in a row…and truly reserved for the VP’s Wife’s Entourage indeed! I had no choice other than to relocate to a safer part of the hall, and away from the roving cameras of the TV stations that were to cover the occasion.

The Nigerian factor will always be blamed for our lack-luster attention to details whenever we are planning for an event. From government functions, to concerts, and social events, we are award winners at jumbling logistics mayhem and mediocrity together to produce a symphony of organized confusion. So uncouth are that we scarcely feel any shame for not doing things the right way, so we can get the right results that will move us forward as a nation. I dozed for a while out of boredom as I had no books with me as a companion, until the master of ceremony announced the arrival of the special guest of honor hissed after the long wait, and we were belated and 2hours behind the original schedule.

She walked in like a Queen Mother escorted by her 13 beautifully-clad maidens who are small queens in their own rights for they would be quick to reject the toga of princesses going by their carriage and the bevy of security men that walked into the cramped hall with. She was brimming with smile as she reveled in the royal welcome of the heralding crowd of ‘stakeholders’. We flipped through the opening remarks from the articulate and suave, Permanent Secretary, and the goodwill message from the WHO Rep. There were addresses by Chief Joel Ogundeji, the Deputy Governor who represented the Kwara State Governor and Chair of Governors Forum. This was followed by the fluidly-delivered address by Labour Minister and Head of the Health Ministry, Dr. M.H. Lawal, a legal luminary.

Then she marched to the stately podium with the insignia and emblem of the Federal Republic of Nigeria where the Chief Guest of Honour alone can step on to make her address. We waited eagerly to hear the well- crafted words of the queen that she seemed to portray,afterall, she was the erstwhile ‘First Lady’ of Bayelsa State, and was only playing ‘second fiddle’ at a level higher than the state: federal pomp was her lot now! She had followed her idea of due process and protocol by reading out the long list of her ’13 special guests’ who had accompanied her to the ‘state function’. They were basically wives of PDP Chieftains; Members of the Senate and House of Representatives; DG of State Security Services; and wives of other men that have held the reins of power. They were women whose credentials and prominence depended on their husbands’ position or status in the society. How ironic to live in a society where the women revel in insignificance!

The chief guest of honour, Mrs. Dame Goodluck Jonathan was all smiles as she held the microphone and began to read from the script before her, the speech that the First Lady would have originally read. Without offering any apologies for the belated start, she went straight to read her speech. It was as boring and uninspiring as a song rendered in monotones and without grace. Her pronunciations awed me, and those who huddled close to me didn’t hide their shock and consternation as they patiently listened to her keynote address. We endured and waited for the book launch during which she was to speak extemporarily to the seated guests.

The two malaria books titled, ‘I Need to Know’ trembled in her hands while her voice quivered as she spoke. We chucked as poorly-constructed sentences exuded from her well-sculpted mouth. A middle-aged woman who sat beside me shook her head in disappointment for she felt so embarrassed watching the VP’s wife do havoc to spoken English at a state function. To her, this must have been an illusion. The men giggled as the disjointed sentences continued their journey to our waiting ears. To worsen it all, VP’s wife announced that she was a ‘School Teacher’ before the wind of destiny lifted her husband into the political realm of glamour and prominence. The lady asked me once again, ‘How did she manage to teach students as a professional teacher and how was she able to communicate to them if her tenses are this poor?’ but I had no answer to vouchsafe. I was as dazed as any other grammar-sensitive guest in the hall.

The official presentation of the book launch followed the usual glamour and fanfare with paparazzi photographers fully represented. And in their bid to get good shots of the VP’s wife, a scuffle ensued between them and over-zealous SSS attachés to the VP’s wife. It took the wise intervention of the MC to diffuse the situation for he cautioned the SSS guy who had shouted and impolitely had handled one of the photographers. The VP’s wife he said,’ Is a ‘lover of people’, and like Jesus Christ, little children like photographers should not be dissuaded from coming close to take a ‘stately shot!’

At the end of the launch, punctuated by the filing out of her 13 maidens and cheer leaders, the beautifully-clad and smiley VP’s wife left the hall; I guess for yet another state function which the President’s Wife may be unavoidably absent. It was a glamour match and fashion parade of sorts for these 13 women in the VP’s wife’s entourage! And if the VP is a Doctorate degree holder and lecturer, how come he glossed over his wife’s grammar over the years to the point that it has turned to a public embarrassment of sorts?

One of the men who was involved in the writing and production of the educational books wondered out loud when he asked, ‘Why is the VP’s wife not groomed on public speaking, yet her dress-sense met the contemporary Nigerian fashion trends?’ But I didn’t have an answer again knowing that the turf of governance at the high level was beyond the counsel of the ordinary citizen, whom politicians swore an oath to represent. Why would 13 well-dressed women only serve as members of an entourage when their expertise and skills could be sowed into nation-building? And when would our leaders be able to speak polished English like well-taught students after over 10years of passing through the four walls of our primary and secondary schools? Are we accursed to not be allowed to listen to the fluid-like speech deliveries by political leaders in climes like USA, since we have copied their brand of democracy and federalism?

Felix Abrahams Obi lives and works in Abuja and can be reached via: halal3k@yahoo.com

Robot  Villager

# 1 The Vice president's wife at a recent public function made a speech that was punctuated with gram...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 14.06.2008 07:13

Omowa2  Villager

# 2 Just ONE example of what she said incorrectly would have helped your beautiful prose. Now I take this to be FACTION...a fictional piece based on what happened. I wish the VP's wife can read this and defend herself. Are you sure she made mistakes or you are just making this up? Omowa2 Posted by Omowa2| 14.06.2008 09:30

datuouwadaberechi  Villager

# 3 sentences exuded from her well-sculpted mouth. A middle-aged woman who sat beside me shook her head in disappointment for she felt so embarrassed watching the VP’s wife do havoc to spoken English at a state function. To her, this must have been an illusion. The men giggled as the disjointed sentences continued their journey to our waiting ears. To worsen it all, VP’s wife announced that she was a ‘School Teacher’ before the wind of destiny lifted her husband into the political realm of glamour and prominence. The lady asked me once again, ‘How did she manage to teach students as a professional teacher and how was she able to communicate to them if her tenses are this poor?’ but I had no answer to vouchsafe. I was as dazed as any other grammar-sensitive guest in the hall. The official presentation of the book launch followed the usual glamour and fanfare end quote short and brief. did u say "well-sculpted" mouth? lets leave that aside. in the first place what does a VP wife, who has no professed or perhaps i should say, no obvious interest in a subject be invited to be guest of honour??? even turai doesnt have any meaningful interest in most community-based issues which she is often keen to preside over. i dont even care that much about grammar becos i have learnt that one doesnt have to be grammatically correct to be factually correct. what gets to me is where there is no grammar, no sense, no fact, no need and no value from these VIPs....and am afraid this is soooooooooooo common. even if the person herself/himself is bereft of ideas, they could employ someone to write a meaningful speech or school them on the subject in question..... its rarely ever rock science.... but these people are just happy to wallow in the mis-guided and poisonous adulation of clinging, dangerous and criminal sychophants as they also are and have been. my dear fellow-citizen, this is what has become of nigeria!!!! mediocrity reighs!!! and as for remarks from omouwa2, i have heard her speak, and its not a lie, although i also dont have evidence to present. but next time u hear she's gonna be on TV, u can confirm it for urself!! Posted by datuouwadaberechi| 14.06.2008 16:42

RAYNOSA  Villager

# 4 Whats language English is not her mother tongue And i often wonder were some of us get the notion that when you can't speak English automatically you become an illiterate She for speak pidgin english instead Simple and nothing spoil all na comminication abi. Posted by RAYNOSA| 14.06.2008 16:55

ocnus  Villager

# 5 Why should people be surprised? When she was detained in the UK for bringing in a wad of cash without any provenance or purpose she said to the authorities, "How am I supposed to know what the rules are? I sell mugu fish and that's what I know". Posted by ocnus| 15.06.2008 02:15

Rastafida  Villager

# 6 Superstar Shina Peters once attended a PMAN function in which he duly acknowledged the health condition of Kollington, a fellow musician and then went ahead to "wish him speedy recover." The crowd went wild and the press took him to the cleaners and he came out with a new album titled "Grammar nor be my language." Even though "grammar is not our language", anybody who is in the eye of the public should try as much as possible to get acquainted with the nitty gritty of communication. Kollington himself, while picking up an award expressed himself in very good english to the point of being given a standing ovation. But he was never at any time a school teacher like madam second lady. How? He did his homework. He got tutored. Posted by Rastafida| 15.06.2008 02:48

philipikita  Villager

# 7 Yes Raynosa. You are correct. There is no point looking down on Nigerians who cannot speak perfect "queen's" english. If one as a leader can understand the issues, the facts etc, that affect our people, one does not need perfect english (or any language) grammar to communicate these clearly. I have worked with so many nationalities in the NGO and development sector. Many people speak very not-so-perfect english grammar and are ready to explain (what you fail to understand) further in even more not-so-perfect english expressions! Some of them got graduate degrees, with excellent grades from english-speaking universities in the U.K, USA etc with their "poor grammar". Being grammatically correct is good. But you don't need perfect grammar in a particular language to communicate clearly and/or make logical sense.The important thing is: Do they understand and communicate the issues clearly? do they make sense? Is it adding value to what they/we are doing? This brings me to complete agreement with datuouwadaberechi: "i dont even care that much about grammar becos i have learnt that one doesnt have to be grammatically correct to be factually correct. what gets to me is where there is no grammar, no sense, no fact, no need and no value from these VIPs...." Again, in other climes, VIPs speak so little and it makes sense. There is no crime in VIPs speaking very little, according to the little that they know about an issue. No one expects them to be experts in every issue. In Nigeria, VIPs must read through long, unnecesary speeches that they know nothing about. It's rubbish. Thank you Rastafida: "Even though "grammar is not our language", anybody who is in the eye of the public should try as much as possible to get acquainted with the nitty gritty of communication." The "nitty gritty" of clear communication is the point, not "perfect grammar". If I were a VIP that can communicate better in a local language, I would get a translator. Afterall, it's not "unconstitutional". It is sheer colonial mentality to throw "yabis" at people who have struggled through a foreign language. Posted by philipikita| 15.06.2008 02:59

fxo  Villager

# 8 =RAYNOSA;4295055623> Whats language English is not her mother tongue And i often wonder were some of us get the notion that when you can't speak English automatically you become an illiterate She for speak pidgin english instead Simple and nothing spoil all na comminication abi. The woman claims to be a school teacher, how would you like her teaching your kid Maths or Social Studies. May I also add that after more than 10 years of English medium schooling, the ability to articulate simple grammar is not asking for too much from an intelligent person. Spouse of public officials are not elected and if they are going to be forced on our consciousness, at least it must be with some class and abilities. Posted by fxo| 15.06.2008 12:28

tonsoyo  Villager

# 9 =Rastafida;4295055672>Superstar Shina Peters once attended a PMAN function in which he duly acknowledged the health condition of Kollington, a fellow musician and then went ahead to "wish him speedy recover." The crowd went wild and the press took him to the cleaners and he came out with a new album titled "Grammar nor be my language." Even though "grammar is not our language", anybody who is in the eye of the public should try as much as possible to get acquainted with the nitty gritty of communication. Kollington himself, while picking up an award expressed himself in very good english to the point of being given a standing ovation. But he was never at any time a school teacher like madam second lady. How? He did his homework. He got tutored. Well maybe you will realize that nodoby is infalible when it comes to language. You also made a mistake here, in your attempt at criticizing another person, when you agreed with Shina Peters that even though "grammar is not our language" Is grammar a language? No, even Yoruba, Igbo, Hausa etc. have their own grammar. You have committed the same error that Shina Peters committed for the second time when he said that. By equating grammar with English. Grammar is structural relationship and composition of words to make a complete sense in EVERY language. BTW, what he said was "I wish him soonest recover" and the person he was referring to was King Sunny Ade and not Kollington Ayinla. Posted by tonsoyo| 15.06.2008 13:18

Atomic Kitten  Villager

# 10 =Rastafida;4295055672> anybody who is in the eye of the public should try as much as possible to get acquainted with the nitty gritty of communication. This is the koko of the post! Posted by Atomic Kitten| 15.06.2008 13:28

---

The conversation continues in our forum. Click here to read all comments

---