The clouds have just gathered and I didn't want to imagine what the evening was going to be like for the rains disdainfully washed the dirty linens of Lagos and strip this paradoxical city to the bare. While my colleagues made haste to leave before the torrents came down in their fury, my fussy mind drooled over the thoughts of going back to a place I can hardly call a home. Yet I lived in that part of the city where the Lagos Big Boys once made an exclusive haven: Victoria Garden City. The well-shevelled and manicured lawns no longer appealed to me, and the overlooking lagoon front had lost its aesthetic appeal unlike the days when my posh apartment made my friends secretly wish we could swap places.

Before you wonder what had made me to loathe my house, imagine what life is like when as the only male in an African family, you've had a house full of four lovely and adorable daughters when all you need is just a son to tone down the over-populated X-chromosomes in your lineage. How can I be happy when my wife, Nkechi had just given me another daughter this morning? I had become tired of taking time off work to be at the labour room with her like I excitedly did with our first three girls. In the penultimate one, I chose to go for an unscheduled trip just as my wife began to sense the signs of labour pains. After all, her mum (I used to call her, mother in-law) had been with us for a while to prepare Nkechi, her daughter (I married her 10 years) for her fifth successful delivery. I forgot to mention that Nkechi was christened Julie by her mum, whereas her dad calls her Nkechi, the ' gift from God".

You can call me names like a 'useless husband', 'heartless man', 'mean-hearted' and all there is to depict someone that is abhor-able. But before you stretch me on a crucifix and hit the damning nails into my palms and feet, may I remind you that had I not been anything near her dream-man, Nkechi never would have married me in the first place. Back in our days at University of Nigeria Enugu Campus (UNEC), I was your atypical ladies' man. As a Law student, I had the sartorial elegance and ethos of a perfect gentleman. I had listened so much to the broadcasts of BBC so I could eliminate the unavoidable Igbo accent that our Igbo fathers had passed on to us. And as a movie freak, I had watched countless bestseller films and have inadvertently picked up the nuances and mannerisms of high-profile Hollywood stars. With my forehead stretching far beyond the 6-feet mark on a vertical numerical scale, and well-rounded shoulders and an obvious athletic torso and limbs, I didn't disappoint most girls at UNEC. Rather I got the sort of attention I had wanted from women. And when I did countless press-ups and workouts it wasn't about relishing the fancy of representing my university at the NUGA Games. I knew what I wanted out of life, and the best of women were reserved for me I strongly believed. If not, why would God endow me with such natural blessings that made UNEC babes green with envy especially when my arms encircle the 'small of the back' ,just above Nkechi's waistline?

Nkechi was one of those campus babes that made eyelids bat and necks to twist and turn reflexly. She was like the "Joy Girl" that caused chaos in the kingdom of hapless men whom she ravished with her beautiful looks and smile, yet none could touch the helm of her flowing skirt, let alone win her lovely heart. I heard so much tales about Julie (Nkechi as she was known on campus) ) that I deliberately made sure our paths crossed one evening near the female hostel, Adelabu. Apparently she had heard about me from her friends too, and that possibly made my task of wooing this 'tough babe' easier. For in no long time, she so fell for my cupid stunts and was head-over-heels in love with the Mr. Hunky that I was.

Call me Mr. Vanity and you'd be far from reality for in as much as I knew how handsome I am, I never was known as a playboy or a serial 'heart-breaker' for I stuck to one babe at a time. I was an 'all or none' kind of guy who went all the way without getting easily distracted by other women once I have made up my mind . That was my stance when Nkechi ( I prefer to call her Nkee) and I began to date on campus. So weeks after, we became the most popular couple at UNEC and were received as distinguished guests at weekend parties and clubs in town. Somehow, we connected at a very deep level that oftentimes we knew what was in each other's mind and she was the kind of girl that wowed guys with her beauty and astute mind. Little wonder she came out tops in her class as the best-graduating Economics student, and you need not ask about me for like minds will always attract others of their ilk and will flock together to keep warm and make merry.

Soon after my Law School where I won some awards, I picked up a good job with a reputable law firm in Victoria Island that handled high profile cases that made a lot of Senior Advocates of Nigeria (SANs) green with envy. We had helped a lot of 419 king pins to regain some of their dignity when we rubbished some of the cases brought against them by their expatriate victims that had fallen ' mugun' to their wits. We were handsomely rewarded and that was why it was easy for me to move into VGC smoothly. As Nkechi rounded up her NYSC, she relocated to Lagos and after she took in and became pregnant for my first baby, we hurried the marriage rites and wedded without much fanfare. We're joined in Holy Matrimony after her bloated belly had become visible, but that didn't stop the Reverend Father from wedding us at the Cathedral with family and friends giggling and smiling as we exchanged our marital vows.

In the intervening months, I dreamt about being a father. With a smirk and curled lips, I told everyone who dared to listen that I am a proud and 'expectant father" for I was the one who planted the seed, and Nkee was kind enough to shelter the seed and brood over it for 9months at a high cost though. I remember the nights she tossed and had sleepless nights. At those moments, my eyes also turned red out of sleep deprivation even though my abs still had their flat creases and lines. For me, the nine long months seemed far-stretched than the time of harvest.Afterall, one can harvest maize just after three months planting the seed, but waiting for the birth of my baby was long. Like a farmer, nothing could stop me from enjoying the fruit of my labor after all the effort I made to ensure Nkechi had the best of antenatal services at the best and most expensive private hospital in V.I.,where most high profile patients were attended to by a John's Hopkins trained Obstetrics and Gynaecology expert, Dr. Grange .

Had the ubiquitous and nosy reporters of Lagos' most popular tabloid or gossip magazines been able to sneak into the labour ward, my excitement would have made the headlines. Dr. Grange had allowed me to witness the entrance of my first child into the world, and you could feel the creases of joy that serrated my face and heart as I carried my first baby after she suckled. Was I not worthy of enjoying the privilege of being a father, when I took care of Nkechi throughout the 9 months of gestation? I had followed her to most of her antenatal appointments and fulfilled my promise of being with her till the end. I had held her hands and stroked her protruded part as the unavoidable wave of labour pains surged through her body. I had sung ballads and lullabies for her like you would to a crying baby. Though I couldn't help carry the baby in her womb, at least I played my part well as the responsible father of the baby inside her. This I did for the first three successful pregnancies until the law of diminishing returns set in like it does in anything that offers utility. Children do bring joy, but often lose their appeal when the women keep incubating only the seeds that form the weaker sex at the expense of a male progeny that would immortalize the family name of a royal African family, whose heir I had been since birth.

Another male heir should replace me by all means, my family and close had reasoned and I couldn't agree with them any less. So you can imagine my frustration with having this fifth girl in a row without a male child punctuating and obstructing this monotonous dance. Nkechi could feel the palpable disinterest in my voice when she excitedly announced the birth of her and our fifth girl-child. Destiny had dealt another blow on my ego by denying me male company and the joy of having a son who'll give me joy all my days. My wife has more female company that a son makes no much difference to her maybe, but as for me, a son is one that my heart had longed for until the scan result deflated my high hopes. I had in my mind, pre-played how I'd boast before my peers at his exploits and achievements, "That's my son you know!" So disappointed was I that the the thought of going back home disturbed me greatly. In my reckoning, that was the longest stretch I have ever made even though the rain that threatened earlier in the evening gave way to a bright and starry night.

I arrived home around past 9pm and was heralded by the hoary voice of my male Alsatian dog, which wriggled its tail. It calmed down as I stroked its head. Then I made for my living room's door with jaws tightened by the opposing rows of teeth that gritted against each other. My mother-in-law opened the door but I couldn't gather myself to force a welcome smile that could thaw her dour-looking mien. Nkechi had told her about my reaction at the birth of another daughter, and she was certain to be her daughter's cheerleader with my family members as ready opponents. We've hardly talked to each other since the scan results deflated my hopes and today were going to be no exception.

So in silence, we brushed against each other without muttering a word for the cold war that brewed between us has been on since our third daughter came. She hissed and muttered to my hearing, "Men are just useless…" and walked back to the guest room she'd been occupying since she moved in to support Nkechi. I kept mum and wasn't ready for another bout of verbal war with someone who has got the aces up her sleeve to floor me once again. And when her lips gape, lethal words are released to demobilize her prey, and I wasn't ready to be one. My daughters were however happy to have another sister added to their fold, but I wish they knew how much they needed a brother too!

It was only days after my wife; Nkechi returned with our baby, that I managed to hold the tiny little girl in my arms, wishing I could use a magic wand to do a brisk sex transfer surgery by favour of my thoughts. Now I know why wishes wouldn't oblige our every request nor bow to our emotional sabotages. I gave Nkechi a peck on her lips, but she felt its blandness and coldness and twinged. She didn't see the usual glitter in my eyes that I beamed at her from the first day we kissed. She knew my heart had retreated away from her, and the bond between us had become so slack that the binding force was as strong as the weakened strand of a twine. She made efforts to talk with me but I frustrated her every move by my passivity and aloofness.

"Chike, I am sick and tired of you and this marriage…" she broke down and began to sob expecting me to wrap my arms around her and the baby like I did in the past.

Silence! 

"I'd pack my things and go back to my parents," she threatened in between sobs.

"You'd better do that today now," I retorted in anger. "You can go away Nkechi, and don't leave any of your five daughters here. I can always get another woman easily and you know that quite well!"

Nkechi starred on in shock and disbelief. She could hardly believe what came out of my mouth. 'What has become of her soft-spoken and cultured Uche?' she wondered in disbelief. Her eyes seemed to announce that I had de-evolved into a lower species of undignified being but I cared less anyway. After all my gentlemanly nature had made me gloss over things that my family members took seriously until it became late. Had I heeded and accepted their counsel that I father a son through a mistress; wouldn't I have been out of this mess? Is adultery not a cousin to polygamy that our forefathers in Africa had bequeathed to us before we became westernized? For deep in our hearts, our genes still express our African-ness in sexuality and marriage matters irrespective of our polished mindset.

As my voice raged on, the guest room door flung open and Nkechi's mother and the 'queen of verbal warfare stepped unto the war front sooner than I had thought:.

 "Useless and stupid man, aren't you ashamed that with all these muscles and height, all you can produce are girls yet you blame my daughter? Let me ask you foolish man, so with all your education and knowledge about biology, you still don't know it's your duty to give my daughter a son?" She hissed and continued.

"If you're not an impotent man, why can't your sperms do their job of giving my daughter a son? If you dare disturb my daughter again, I will show you what kind of a woman that I am, you useless pig!"

  I always avoided her like a flea for her caustic words remind me of things I hate to reckon and accept. We had more exchanges and I mentally blocked my ears so I can shield my heart from her words that bite deep into the fibers of the heart. As she displayed what she knows too well to do, a strange thought crossed my mind and it was one that I least could imagine.

Though I've never thought about this idea before yet I did it anyway. While she ranted and rained more abuses on me, I rushed into the guest room, picked up her few belongings that I could readily get, and threw them out of my living room, and asked her to leave without delay. Nkechi could not believe that rage lurked within my gentle mien. My roaring and angry voice woke my daughters who slept in the children's room, but I cared less about the shock in their eyes, which their eyes revealed. The more I struggled to suppress the urge to hit Julie's mum, the more she saw I wasn't kidding at any rate. For the first time, she seemed subdued and scared!

"If you don't leave my house now, you'd become meat to my dog for your information. I can't stand you coming to my house to insult me. Nonsense…! Leave my house now before my anger descends on you."

"Shehu!!" I yelled at my 'mai guard' who peered at us from the window of his security post. My heart palpitated and I was even surprised that I could generate and direct such intensity of rage and anger towards my beloved wife and mother-in-law. Reason had taken a flight from my mind, and my emotions became suzerain rulers of my heart.

"Come and bundle this woman out of my house now!" I minced no words and she saw how serious I was when Shehu rushed in to carry out my command. And with gusto, Shehu sent her packing without questioning my actions even though he knew and respected my mother-in-law very well but that was when having a daughter meant nothing to me. Not anymore for that was in the past…!

"Wallahi, me ano know say oga I dey vex am for pelenti pelenti", he muttered after he carried out my mother-in-law's luggage. Nkechi watched in utter disbelief and dread for she has finally seen the beast in me that I thought I had long subdued through education and self-imposed discipline.

With her mum disgraced out of my expansive home, Nkechi became grouchy and sulked at every sight of me. Most nights she slept alone in her bedroom with the baby, and I hardly had my sleep disrupted by anyone, unlike when Julie and I took turns to care for our newborn kids at night. Nkechi's body, which had sagged and looked wobbly at the wrong places, did not help her case. Her tummy now bulged out and had stretch marks that insulted my aesthetic mindset. Even months after she made efforts to shed the extra bulges and creases, her body still showed the wears and tears of child bearing. But what would a man do to his eyes that easily alight on the best of sculpted female body?

I remember over a decade ago when we courted. Then I used to steal a look at her when she undressed ostensibly to whet my ego and confirm to myself, that she was the goddess that would ravish me with her love. Then she was a stunning model that God must have crafted the day after the first Sabbath. So disillusioned was with her hypotonic and sagging body that I became emotionally detached from her. I began to spend longer hours at the office, or had reasonable excuses to keep late drinking with buddies at the pleasure spots in VI. Soon I became like my guys whose wives lived lonely lives at home. And I unleashed myself from the tentacles of mores and norms that held me back from vice. I came back home drunk a couple of nights, and those were the worst days for Nkechi. Far from my nature, I became a dread to Nkechi.  Even though I didn't beat or physically abuse her, the emotional trauma I made sure she passed through was unbelievable even to me!

Nkechi and I didn't talk for days, and my beloved daughters no longer saw the cheery side of their daddy again. No longer did I carry them shoulder high, or allow them kiss me goodnight, and neither did I allow them to struggle over who would sit on my laps like they'd always done. My house became a mere house, and lacked the comfort and joy of a home that it used to be. And at work, my output declined and I became less focused and full of energy that made me opt for difficult clients and complex legal cases.

It was obvious to my colleagues that something must have gone wrong but none could muster the courage to ask me. They knew me as one who would not pry into other's privacy and they respected my personal space, which I jealously guarded. But it didn't take long before a sensitive and caring female colleague who was still single and unattached ventured to break through the emotional blockades I had erected around me. Bukky has risen to the post of HR manager within a short time, and we all respected her. She was strong-willed and one of those ladies whose wits can discomfit a lot of men. Women, they always have a way of breaking the resolve of the strongest of men, yet we call them the weaker sex!.

"Mr. Emeka, you have not been yourself for weeks now. What has become of you?" Bukky had asked one evening at the close of work. " I think something must have been bothering you, which you really don't want to share with anyone.. Be sure to know I really like it when you are happy and bubbly. You seem to have been the sun that warms our hearts in this office, and the gloom on your face has been spreading around'. A graduate of University College London, she spoke with a distinct and confident accent.

"Cheer up mister, the earth is still showing off to the sun and wriggling her waist to entice the moon to smile each day". Her little pep talk teased my lips to grin and I didn't know how quickly she could infect me with her smile. 'How about a cup of Chapman at Ocean View Restaurant at the close of work to let the cool evening breeze calm you down? Life is so short you know, and there's no use spending it in misery and gloom each day". She didn't even wait for my answer." Mr Emeka, I had actually reserved a table for both of us earlier on, so you've got no choice. It's my little surprise to liven up your heavy heart, please don't say no!"

From one innocent drink, to a simple dinner at the close of work, Bukky and I began to unburden our hearts to each other. We shared secrets about our private lives that I least expected I would share so much about my family life with her and did I ever imagine she'd let me in on her past pains and regrets, and boring love life. Like a benign tumor that had gone berserk, we threw away caution and transmuted into passionate lovers. We attended parties and social functions together, but we're discreet enough to not let passion overwhelm us at work but not a few whispered to each other about our bourgeoning office romance.

The bubble began to burst one evening at a party hosted by a group of Bukky's friends. We'd decided to attend as a couple since I have been introduced and welcomed into her circle of friends. While others danced and drank together, Bukky and I clung to each other on a lonely couch, petting and nestling like two love birds that just found a lost feather. Unknown to me, Julie's friend, Nkoli watched us from a vantage point where she sat with her fiance, Azuka, whom Nkechi knew pretty well and had told me about earlier.

 " Emeka…!" 

Her familiar voice jostled me in spite of the noise of the music that played in the background. She has never seen me with another woman and this must have been a rude shock to her...

( to be continued)

Robot  Villager

# 1 The clouds have just gathered and I didn't want to imagine what the evening was going to be like...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 28.09.2007 06:19

Emperoneroh  Villager

# 2 Good one bro. Keep it coming I felt spellbound by the good work.And don't tell me its a true life experience. I can't wait to see the second episode. :lol::rolleyes: Posted by Emperoneroh| 28.09.2007 07:26

Amy  Villager

# 3 Soon I became like my guys whose wives lived lonely lives at home. And I unleashed myself from the tentacles of mores and norms that held me back from vice. I came back home drunk a couple of nights, and those were the worst days for Nkechi. Far from my nature, I became a dread to Nkechi. Even though I didn't beat or physically abuse her, the emotional trauma I made sure she passed through was unbelievable even to me! Nkechi and I didn't talk for days, and my beloved daughters no longer saw the cheery side of their daddy again. No longer did I carry them shoulder high, or allow them kiss me goodnight, and neither did I allow them to struggle over who would sit on my laps like they'd always done. My house became a mere house, and lacked the comfort and joy of a home that it used to be. And at work, my output declined and I became less focused and full of energy that made me opt for difficult clients and complex legal cases. An accurate depiction of the utter sense of imbalance and self-inflicted agony obsessed men that must have male children at all cost must suffer to their own detriment and sadly that of the innocent souls that make up his traumatized family unit. Emerson said and I concur, "want is a growing giant whom the coat of have was never large enough to cover." Our pervasive culture of male preference is a cancer that has caused untold sorrows to women in most places where such primitive concepts hold sway and except a real man stands his grounds in our milieu, pressures to bear male children can push him into vile vices that he never bargained for. In the narrative we see a thoroughly blessed man with a loving wife and five daughters beating himself up because of what he feels is an inadequacy- a lack that must be rectified at all cost. Sadly, even the educated and informed are not spared the influence of this atrocious notion that an African man must bear a son in order to belong to the ranks of real men! Absolute garbage, if you ask me, given that no matter how many women a man marries or sleeps with in order to correct what he views as an aberration (female children), if it was not meant to be, he will eventually succeed in having 90 female children and counting... and that is if HIV does not take care of him long before that!!! In Chike's bid to play God, he has violated his marital vows and is now headed for a downward spiral into more heartaches, disillusionment and filth. In a strange way, I am actually looking forward to the part 2 of this very captivating story just to confirm my suspicions. In the end, we are all architects of our destinies. Pandering to society's conventions and fantasies simply does not mesh with living a balanced life. Once we dwell on thoughts that pay homage to silly notions of male superiority, it is only a matter of time before our lives spin out of control and we are trapped in a world of false identities and deep-sitted melancholy. Chike had the power of choice to accept and relish the blessings of God in his life instead of allowing himself to be consumed with thoughts of inadequacy over what he feels is missing in his life. It is OK to desire both sexes but if it is not to be, why torture yourself and the lives of your love ones over something you have no control over? I vividly remember the story of one of my kinsmen and this is a true story. This man was a devout catholic that was one of the first people at mass every so often with his family. He had a lovely submissive wife that never raised her voice to him and they seemed very happy, except for the fact that they were having only female children. Soon their children numbered 10 daughters and tongues were waging on all fronts. This man was only a bicycle repairer at the village market, so he had serious problems feeding his family, yet in the bid to have a male child he kept trying. Some of his kids had to live with relatives in different parts of the country as he was unable to cater for his large family. Anyways, eventually he succumbed to pressures from family and friends and got himself a second wife who quickly bore him the much desired son at long last. Twenty odd years after the facts, this son has refused to excel academically or learn a trade... a recalcitrant deviant that will not listen to anyone. He simply became a thorn in his father's flesh, something none of his daughters did. Eventually, this my kinsman died of a heart attack recently and rumors have it that his son was the major contributing factor to the man's demise as he constantly lamented ever going against his religious persuasions to bear a son that has no defined aim in life. The reward of succumbing to unhealthy societal demands may not be instantaneous, but one thing is certain- pay day is guaranteed for giving in to vices, no matter the pressures of the hour. We reap whatever we sow in life and that is a fact! When we are overly involved with the physical world in a superficial way to the exclusion of the spiritual and logic, we hurt ourselves ultimately without knowing it. Placing a heavy value on inconsequential thoughts(which I think is what one does by dwelling on gender preference) is self destructive and foolishness... vanity upon vanity, IMHO! Later o. Posted by Amy| 28.09.2007 09:58