BLACKMAN'S BURDEN EASIER IF YOU STAND BY YOUR MAN
By Farouk Martins Aresa
It is the burden of every black man in Africa and in Diaspora to carry his woman and children without any help from others. But some governments have given more help than he needed. Left alone, he had managed his responsibilities very well. That is history today and his main concern is how to move on and learn from the past. He needs to because those who forget history keep on repeating the same mistake and hardly learn.
Africans at home, no matter what, care very much about their children and wives as their main responsibility. Beyond that is the responsibility for relatives and community. These days greed and the fight for dwindling opportunities have turned some of us into reckless beasts for not shouldering our burdens and leaving women alone to cater for our children. It is very un-African to take on more women than you can care for.
Very often scholars wonder if the present crops of African leaders were good students of history, they would be forcing their fellow Africans into economic exile as slaves. Like their predecessors: Prof. Ekeh reminded us of the arrival at slave ports, of African chiefs who had sold their own into slavery that later found themselves in captivity with those they sold earlier. Slaves were transported then in ships, today we buy our own tickets and board the ships and planes voluntarily. Indeed, some of us pay to cross the desert.
As the old captured chiefs during slavery, these corrupt leaders fly overseas with their loot and are rightly booked as common criminal, searched at the airport as drug dealers and profiled because of their color by police. They still have the nerve to protest. History is only repeating itself for those of us who refused to learn. Just as the old slaves were amazed to see their chiefs who sold them in chains from the coast of Africa, some of us complain about the treatment meted out to our VIPs (Vagabonds In Power). Sio!
Africans do not trust or depend on government and their instruments of power. This distrust is universal but the western world has tried to make the police a friendlier force – to serve and to protect its citizens. In spite of this distrust of the instrument of power, Africans in the Diaspora are disproportional exposed to the welfare and the correctional systems. Family problem, including pimps or prostitution are not greater within Africans but coward teenage dads terrorizing only African communities necessitate police watch. These were prevented by a strong family tie or by the old extended family in Africa.
Africans in Diaspora who were freed after slave trade and established businesses in their neighborhood with their children's helping hands to grow, are today wondering about what happened to the spirit of entrepreneurship in their community. As factory opens and they moved up North, family ties were dislocated and the community spirit faded. They do not patronize one another anymore and resent the new immigrants establishing businesses as they used to do in their community.
We know that the dislocation of the black family is more rampant in Diaspora. Many Africans recently from home sooner or later reflect that pattern of their African brothers and sister in Diaspora of family separations. By all groups: white, black, yellow or brown; Africans have the highest family dislocation than any other group. There is no doubt that lack of opportunities and financial stability has to do with it, but so it is with the Spanish.
If anyone surrenders his family to the welfare or correctional system thinking that the man would take care of him or the family, he will find himself where the system can afford to put him or where the system thinks he deserves to be. There are not enough missionaries, philanthropists or governments who can deliver us from ourselves. It is the man and woman that must stand by one another to make a solid family cohesive.
Let us face it, we separated and stop trusting one another a long time ago. Some people claim that we are still suffering from the vestiges of slavery. Dumb excuse, others argue. In the days of slavery, a black man finds it very difficult when ordered to stand outside while the man went in to enjoy his wife. A few protested to the point of harming that man but got the worst for it. It was not easy either to watch your husband and father whipped like a kid. So, some of the black men preferred to marry either a freed slave when they become free themselves or marry from another camp.
It was not easy on the women too, who had to surrender their girls to the man as soon as she reached puberty. They could not marry their master even when they had his children. Those children could be sold as any other slave. If the wife of the master became jealous of the relationship of her husband and the slave mistress, she could be sold away easily. Indeed, while the master was away, the black women could be ordered to call her husband in for enjoyment while she stood outside. Neither the husband could resist nor report if he did not want to risk the charge of rape from a white woman.
Some freed black men married poor white women in those days and a few rich white women ran off with black men to Canada. After the end of slavery it became even more dangerous to do so. The children of the masters and black women went with the black woman but it was more difficult for the children of black men to go with white women.
So the tolerance for both type of marriage could not be compared. If a black man could not protect his black woman, he could not protect his white woman.
This may not fully explain the high proportion of dislocated black family nor justify it today in Diaspora. As we grapple with solutions we must not loose sight of history. Black women must learn to stand by their men and black men must make conscious effort to treat their women well. Out of Africa the authority figures are not necessarily black men but some of the most beautiful women are black women, a comparative contradiction.
Stand by your man or woman. The products of our families are the children in Africa or in Diaspora. If we give up on African perseverance, so may our children. No matter what, the images of Africa will always tell on these children wherever they are. Please bear with us.
Thank you Sir,
A very good article.
But please who are the men to stand by?
I am sorry the situation of todays black man is very pathethic. See countless and thousands of Nigerian female under 21 year olds who are trafficked, prostituted across Europe, by their fathers and other relatives, abused in sex slavery by black and white men alike.
As we speak now, Nigerian women are being tricked and conned to Okija shrine or some other ritual dens to be sacrificed by their husbands. Our sisters in Nigeria are passing away under far to mysterious circumstances, that I am tempted to tell my younger ones to run far on sighting any Nigerian man.
Our Nigerian women are being used as cash cows in North America, worked to death on 72 hours shift a day by their idle and lazy husbands, who rather sit at home and babysit.
Yes, we should stand by our black men, if they are honorable, decent and good like Barack Obama who won't humiliate, betray or abuse a black women.
But I am afraid, most our black men are very unworthy. Not worth standing by.
Great article. We need to do some serious soul-searching as African males. Our African children are getting lost and may never find their ways home.
Only very few black men really know what it means to be 'men'. The reason Africans have the highest dislocation factor than any other racial group.
The saddest part is that they are not willing to learn or change for the better.
My prayers for us always.
Welfare destroyed the black community.
maybe this writer should do more research before he writes.
Before the construct of Welfare the American Black community was over 70% married.
After the advent of welfare the black community eroded into what is now about 37% married African Americans.
This is because the WELFARE agency with its FLAWED sociologist and psychologist said the BLACK MAN had to LEAVE the house if that house were to receive aid.
The same thing that's keeping Africa brutally impoverished.
In essence the Government broke up the black community.
say what you want, say believe what you will.
Humans like FREE stuff. The more they get it the more Lazy they get.
AID to an extent is needed. Nobody wants to see fammine, disease and human deterioration.
Yet AID with parameters is what's keeping blacks globally impoverished.
Nowdays, the black woman is the backbone of this community. The black man to an extent have been emasculated.
Look at all the DIVORCING of nigerian couples in Amerikka.
The women puts him out and gets child support. Which is why so many run back to Africa to avoid paying it.
I am just trying to find out where you disagree with the writer. Maybe you did not read the article.
Thank you my dear Brother Exponent,
You said it all !!!
"This is because the WELFARE agency with its FLAWED sociologist and psychologist said the BLACK MAN had to LEAVE the house if that house were to receive aid."
This is the same "aid" that has been used to destroy and ruin the continent of Africa, post colonization.
What so Nigerian families here fail to understand is that in all western countries, social workers and all the agents of the organized state welfare services are not your friend at all, but an enemy to the sanctity of family (man & woman & kids).
Most of the case workers in family services, senior managements and executives are gays and lesbians who doesn't give a damned toss about keeping families together or anything like that.
Many are also closet racists who take their revenge and hurt vulnerable families and weak people they encounter, who are just different from them.
At the end of the day, black men and women must cooperate and help each other. No need for upper hands or killing off the weakest link in the family.
Of course I love my busy partner and very hard working man to cook for me, do my errands, clean the house every now and again and take (our children) his and my kids to the park, but will I abuse him, NEVER!!! God forbid.
Just the understanding that we need each other.
Black burden will be easier all round if all blacks (women and men) of conviction will make a decision for the perpetuation and prosperity of the race.
The generations of tomorrow can only build on the sacrifices made today. Sacrifices are hard to make and as a race, there is scant evidence that we make any. Hedonism is endemic to us and it predominates every facet of our lives, laying to waste efforts by the very few humanitarians and philanthropists to help lift the black race.
Also divisions run deep and we actively seek to highlight our differences in a bid to prove to races of a lighter hue that we are different, that we are better than that other group. Even where there ethnicity is lost in history, Carribean black/American blacks, they still make the distinction and us fragmented african blacks remain at the bottom of even that pile.
We shrug off our rich heritage to don the culture of ghettos in the UK and America, no black group does it faster than the Nigerian Black, many of whom are even more western in orientation and speech than those who reside in the west. We seek to authenticate our existence only by looking to those people who care more about lions going extinct than that the said lions have found easy prey in African Vilages and are wiping out whole families in a single attack.
All Jews around the world rally to the cry of Eretz Isreal, the United Kingdon United States and Australia are united by their English Language (watch how they vote in world affairs, their alliance for foreign policy). Not even the cry of Allah akhbar includes black Moslems, no matter how much they would like to believe that it does.
There is a quiet onslaught on blacks by the scandinavian countries, know one notices because they do not make that much ado about their racism and we all know about the two tier governance systems in non-black countries where blacks make up a significant proportion of the population. In black countries where whites (or even the whites by proxy) make up any part of the population, they are treated as supreme. Of course we are not welcome in Asia and they make no bones about it.
If Jews could make the decision to build a prosperous homeland, having suffered years of antisemitism in adopted countries, if they could band togther to become an economic force that led to their ability to weild such political powers (so much so that Americans are even willing to write them into the history of their founding inspite of not being present at the time when that country fought for and gianed its independence), I don't understand why as blacks, a race that makes up approximately one-fifth of the world population, a repository of a significant part of the world's intelligence, why we are not able to forge an alliance, within and across borders that will not only develop Africa as our ancestral homeland, but make every black community, every black person, a force to be reckoned with and to be respected wherever in the world we may reside
There is enough problem facing the black woman apart from from the insensitive behavior of some of our men. While it is cheaper to hire a black woman, she has to do double duty to make ends meet even as a nurse. That used to be done by a man, no more. One of the reasons is because some of the men are older and tired which is seen as lazy by the partner. So if you are making less money as a man, you are contributing less, you must lose some of your authority and the woman can not be ordered around as usual. This is what cause resentment on both sides.
As soon as friction develops, the are medical and social worker ready to take you into welfare to be independent. A house without a man produce wayward kids. These same workers will never leave their own homes until their men kill them and get away with it sometimes. Ask them why, it is until their kids get older. Get this, they are willing to risk their lives until the kids get older yet ready to tell the black woman to throw his man who is less risky out.
We need to take a step back and renegotiate our relationships. It is true that black men has no authority outside of Africa, even with his money he can still be treated anyhow and disgraced in front of his wife and children just like the slavery days. So his wife and children know that and if he pushes them to a point, they will call the police. It is a game of knowing your place.
Meaning what?.....Are these old men, going out to purposely Marry very young women, as a sort of perverse Pension Plan?
Or have a ready victim for their 'Ordering about' agenda
Since when has it been OK, to order another human being around....that people tried nonsense on other human beings, and got away with it, does not mean they should then be excused, a failure to adjust to Change, that is for the better.
Nice article, but some of our women are to blame. Back home our mothers respect our fathers when we were kids. But in Europe and America it is the reverse, any small quarrel, the police is called.Even the so called Pastors who are suppose to tell the female followers to humble themselves instead they are busy preaching posperity messages.
Thank you and God bless my dear Sister "liloldlady". You hit the nail on the head of the matter
Yes it is a (PPP) perverse pension plan going on within Nigerian marriages and intimate relationships. Please it is the right time we start telling it as it is !!!
The Nigerian men are always on the prowl to look for someone to better themselves with, exploit and abuse their women just to secure themselves a comfortable place in life, in their own little twisted minds. Jumping around from different women, never consistent or self reliant, claiming to wear the trousers only on paper.
Nigerian women should be wary of going into any intimate realtionship with our men, it is sometimes nothing but loss and trouble.
How can a man be proud to sit down, relax, sleep and allow a woman to fend for him inside or outside of Nigeria? That man is then a goat and imbecile. They use all sorts of excuses to justify their failures, claiming lack of recognition of the qualifications, health problems, absence due to incarceration, racism and all sorts.
A woman's money is nothing but a bonus and extra security for her children and the household, not the major sustainace for a two parents household.
A PRENUPTIAL IS NOW A MUST & NECCESITY FOR ALL NIGERIAN MARRIAGES !!!