Why Nigerian Men Kill Their Wives In America

OK, let me start by confessing that this title is slightly misleading: the vast majority Nigerian men in America don't murder their wives. But there certainly has been a troubling uptick in the number of Nigerian men in America who "settle" disputes with their spouses through insensate murders.

The latest incident involved one Dubem Okafor, a well-regarded 64-year-old poet and nephew of Christopher Okigbo, the famous poet who died fighting for Biafra during the Nigerian Civil War. On August 15, Okafor, who was also an associate professor of English at Kurtz University in Pennsylvania, murdered his 37-year-old Jamaican-American wife and then committed suicide shortly afterwards.

Dr. Dubem Okafor

This, tragically, is yet another addition to a list that is frighteningly lengthening every year. Since 2006 when people started to take notice, there have been at least seven cases of Nigerian men who have brutally bumped off their wives.

This is a sad, hot topic in the Nigerian immigrant community in America. Why did these Nigerian men suddenly become murderous thugs? Is this the consequence of alienation in an alien nation?

Well, let us first look at the complexion of these murders. As Chief Chika Onyeani, publisher of the New York-based African Sun Times, notes, "[w]ith the exception of Nigerian-born pharmacist, Olufemi Ademoye, who bludgeoned his wife to death with a baseball bat in June, 2010, all the killings have been by Igbo, and their victims have been registered nurses."

Similarly, all the victims (except Okafor's wife, Cheryl, who came here from Jamaica at the age of 9) came to America by way of marriage to U.S.-based Nigerian men.

It is difficult to say with certainty what really drove these Nigerian men to murder their wives, but it's easy to see that it's an extreme manifestation of a clash of cultural values. America has become one huge demasculinizing matriarchy. And Nigeria is, of course, a massively patriarchal, almost male-chauvinist society. A poorly managed commixture of these deeply contrasting values can be culturally - and literally - combustible. And here is why.

Women here enjoy privileges and protections under the law that men from our kind of patriarchal cultural setting find unnervingly emasculating and humiliating. For instance, if a woman accuses you of rape or of domestic violence - whether or not this is true - you're dead meat. In America, when it's a woman's words against a man's, the man's are lies. That's why a man accused of rape - or of domestic violence - is often considered guilty until proven innocent.

Marriage laws are also heavily weighted in favor of women, that is, by the standards of our patriarchal African cultures. For instance, in the event of a divorce, the woman is almost always awarded custody of the children. And the man is often compelled by law to pay the woman "child support" - which usually adds up to a fortune - until the children are 18. If the divorce is initiated by the man, he will also pay spousal support. That is why divorce pauperizes men here.

This "women-friendly" legal regime has also conduced to the flowering of a phenomenon called paternity fraud. Paternity fraud occurs when a woman falsely claims that a man she's had sex with is the biological father of her child with the sole purpose of collecting child support from the man. DNA testing has reduced this significantly.

To be fair, the pro-women flavor of the laws here was intended to redress and compensate for the historical injustices that women have suffered - and continue to suffer, although to a lesser degree now in the West - in the hands of men. But some people think the anti-male bias of the laws here is getting truly out of hand. It has denaturalized male-female relationship, is destroying the institution of marriage, and may even threaten reproductive futurism.

This is particularly so for people from patriarchal societies who find themselves in the West. Some of our women come here and find that they have all these lavish freedoms that they thought existed only in the realm of fantasy. For instance, they are for all practical purposes the heads of families. They, not their husbands, choose the names of children. They have sex with their husbands only at their pleasure; otherwise, the husband will be guilty of "spousal rape." And they can send their husbands to prison with a mere call to the police. For women coming from cultures where the moral excellence of women is defined by how much they "submit" to their husbands, these liberties can be staggeringly inebriating in their generosity.

I've heard of Nigerian women who physically assault their husbands at home and then proceed to call 911 (the emergency telephone number in America) when their husbands attempt to retaliate. My friend's wife recently shared with us the story of her friend, a petite 5-foot-tall woman, who slaps her 6-foot plus husband each time they quarrel and then threatens to call 911 each time the man charges at her in rage. And she boasts about her "exploits" when she chit-chats with her friends! That's a keg waiting to explode right there.

Some Nigerian women go out of their way to force their husbands to divorce them (e.g. through in-your-face marital infidelity) because they know the courts will hand them over more than half of their husband's property and give them custody of their children. One Nigerian man murdered his ex-wife when he discovered that she was building a mansion in Port Harcourt with the child and spousal support he was paying her.

But this is cowardly and utterly condemnable. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can justify the murder of any person who didn't kill anybody. A smart, self-assured man would leave America and relocate to Nigeria if a woman is exploiting him. Many Nigerian men have actually done that.

Well, mine is admittedly a male perspective on a really sad and disturbing phenomenon. But it's noteworthy that the same Igbo men who are most susceptible to murder their wives in America have the most stable marriages back in Nigeria. The stereotype of the Igbo man is that he advertises his prosperity from the glow and comfort evident in his wife and children. In return for this, the wife submits to him.

America ruptures this patriarchal matrimonial arithmetic. Here, nurses (who are disproportionately the victims of these murders) make a lot of money. In most cases, they make as much money as - and sometimes more money than - the husbands who brought them from their Nigerian villages and trained her through American nursing schools. This destroys the basis of the matrimonial submission their husbands expect from them. When you add this to the unimaginable liberties women enjoy here, the tensile stress can be immense.

But I think it's also time that Nigerian men in America to learn to live with the new culture in their places of self-exile - or leave this place. They date American women but go back home to "import" women from their villages when it comes time to get married. Unfortunately, the women come here and become worse than the American women the men avoided marrying out of fear of cultural incompatibility.

Author can be reached at farooqkperogi@gmail.com. He blogs at www.farooqkperogi.blogspot.com



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Re: Why Nigerian Men Kill Their Wives In America
I tire posted on 09-16-2010, 09:40:31 AM
Can I ask what is the ratio of Nigerian men who kill their wives in America as to warrant a retarded subject line like this moron has put up here?

What is the ratio of American men or Latino men or European men who kill their wives in America as to warrant a Nigerian only article?

Idiots will always win the day when sane people go mute period! It is twats like these who wrote the article "why are nigerians terrorists" when one islamic northern nigerian mallam went to practice terrorism not long ago!
Re: Why Nigerian Men Kill Their Wives In America
First-lady posted on 09-16-2010, 10:03:48 AM
QUOTE:
It's easy to see that this is an extreme manifestation of a clash of cultural values. America has become one huge demasculinizing matriarchy. And Nigeria is, of course, a massively patriarchal, almost male-chauvinist society.*

Read full article


The title ticks me off a little but let me read it anyway
I dey come

---------- Post added at 04:03 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:47 PM ----------

QUOTE:
[w]ith the exception of Nigerian-born pharmacist, Olufemi Ademoye, who bludgeoned his wife to death with a baseball bat in June, 2010, all the killings have been by Igbo, and their victims have been registered nurses.\"



That ,right there is a bald-faced lie from the pit of hell!
I am sick and tired of these so called writers that don't take proper care to check out their facts before broadcasting them for all to hear.
Na me and una for this NVS!
Mr Kperoogi,I respect you,I love your articles but please desist from quoting nincompoops like that Chika Onyeani person you made reference to.
Do the little research involved,3 of the killers have been Yoruba,and about one or two have been from the Delta/Edo axis.
One more thing I'll like to add,there is nothing special about Nigerian men killing their wives as opposed to Jamaican men killing their wives.
Psychotic men kill,period.
Their race,nationality or tribe has nothing to do with it.
If there have been more Igbo men ,have you ruled out the fact that there could be more Igbo men in the USA than men of other tribes?

When we hear of crime by Nigerians in the UK,it's most likely a Yoruba man.Does that mean Yorubas are more criminally minded than other Nigerians or the sheer number gives that impression?
I may not be a gifted writer like many of y'all but bear in mind that many of us can think beyond the raw statistics we hear.
I'll score this article a D- my dear brother.
This wan no get pass mark at all at all.

as we say in Igboland the thing achi taghi aja mehn!
Re: Why Nigerian Men Kill Their Wives In America
Igboamaeze posted on 09-16-2010, 10:45:12 AM
QUOTE:
...If there have been more Igbo men ,have you ruled out the fact that there could be more Igbo men in the USA than men of other tribes?...



-----

That's the heart of the matter. How many Aboki's are outside Northern Nigeria, Niger and Chad?

Your intelligence and soundness of logic excites me to no end.

I hope Tiger appreciates the asset beside him...
Re: Why Nigerian Men Kill Their Wives In America
First-lady posted on 09-16-2010, 11:36:42 AM
QUOTE:
-----

That's the heart of the matter. How many Aboki's are outside Northern Nigeria, Niger and Chad?

Your intelligence and soundness of logic excites me to no end.

I hope Tiger appreciates the asset beside him...


Ewo Igboamaeze nwanne m
Thanks a million,I gbu o m with compliments
I hope auspy reads that, hes already jealousing me for my intelligence.

BTW,your brother (my hubby) loves and appreciates me (when I'm sane)
It is now legendary that he saw me one day lecturing a group of women under the udara tree on how to cook ofe owerri and he ran back to his village and told them that he has seen the woman of his dreams.
Re: Why Nigerian Men Kill Their Wives In America
Ayookun posted on 09-16-2010, 11:45:43 AM
Mr. Kperogi, u fucked up on this one, no be small...
Re: Why Nigerian Men Kill Their Wives In America
Valteena posted on 09-16-2010, 11:55:46 AM
QUOTE:
The title ticks me off a little but let me read it anyway
I dey come

---------- Post added at 04:03 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:47 PM ----------




That ,right there is a bald-faced lie from the pit of hell!
I am sick and tired of these so called writers that don't take proper care to check out their facts before broadcasting them for all to hear.
Na me and una for this NVS!
Mr Kperoogi,I respect you,I love your articles but please desist from quoting nincompoops like that Chika Onyeani person you made reference to.
Do the little research involved,3 of the killers have been Yoruba,and about one or two have been from the Delta/Edo axis.
One more thing I'll like to add,there is nothing special about Nigerian men killing their wives as opposed to Jamaican men killing their wives.
Psychotic men kill,period.

Their race,nationality or tribe has nothing to do with it.[/B]
If there have been more Igbo men ,have you ruled out the fact that there could be more Igbo men in the USA than men of other tribes?

When we hear of crime by Nigerians in the UK,it's most likely a Yoruba man.Does that mean Yorubas are more criminally minded than other Nigerians or the sheer number gives that impression?
I may not be a gifted writer like many of y'all but bear in mind that many of us can think beyond the raw statistics we hear.
I'll score this article a D- my dear brother.
This wan no get pass mark at all at all.

as we say in Igboland the thing achi taghi aja mehn!



F/L you said it all in your post. Nothing more to add. Particularly the bold part. Btw how does putting in place legislation to protect women as he rightly noted make the US a matrilinear society.

Farooqi I want to believe wrote this piece during one of those off days people have and I am sure he realised it himself hence this preamble by him. "OK, let me start by confessing that this title is slightly misleading: the vast majority Nigerian men in America don't murder their wives". Still this piece of his is very very below par. Very disappointing
Re: Why Nigerian Men Kill Their Wives In America
De wanno organization posted on 09-16-2010, 12:03:58 PM
NeXt time...MAZI. WRITER....please you can use a title like this....
WHY SOME MEN KILL THEIR WIVES....
I ONCE MARRIED A NURSE WHO TOOK ME FOR A RIDE WITH HER PARENTS/FAMILY MEMBERS...HER MOTHER WANTED ME TO ABANDON MY DOCTORATE DEGREE PROGRAM AND DO NURSING SINCE HER DAUGHTER WAS A NURSE GETTING THEM MONEY....SO I WAS SEEN AS A GOLD DIGGER AND NEVER RESPECTED BY MY NURSE WIFE & HER FOLKS. WELL, WHAT DID I DO, SIMPLY GET DIVORCED...NOW PAYING $650 AS CHILD SUPPORT ....BUT GOD ELEVATED ME.
GUYS OR MEN OF NIGERIA IN USA, PLS., LET GO THAN KILL. THERE ARE OTHER WOMEN OUT THERE WHO WOULD VALUE YOUR WORTH AND STILL RESPECT U AND BE YOUR WIFE, LOVER, SISTER, FRIEND, SUPPORTER, ACCORDING TO OUR CULTURE. NDEWO!!
Re: Why Nigerian Men Kill Their Wives In America
Auspicious posted on 09-16-2010, 12:52:46 PM
-

QUOTE:
Why Nigerian Men Kill Their Wives In America


What the heck kinda title is that?

Now don't tell me, this Author did this for readership.

Cuz if he did, I'd like to know how many in his Nigerian family kill their wives.
--
Re: Why Nigerian Men Kill Their Wives In America
Bill Carson posted on 09-16-2010, 14:33:09 PM
QUOTE:
-----

That's the heart of the matter. How many Aboki's are outside Northern Nigeria, Niger and Chad?

Your intelligence and soundness of logic excites me to no end.

I hope Tiger appreciates the asset beside him...


First lady & Igboamadivorce,

Let the truth be told no matter how uncomfortable it maybe. Some Igbo Men in America are walking psychopaths waiting to bludgeon their wives at the slightest provocation, large Igbo population in America has nothing to do with it.

Growing up in the 1980s, it was not necessarily a thing of joy to hear that an Igbo youth is resident in the U.S.A (it usually connotes an unserious youth that must have failed their WAEC/GCE/JAMB etc). It is the same youths ( now middle age) that are currently running Amok in America killing their spouses (especially nurses). Due to the astronomical financial success this women are able to command within a relatively short period in America, while" Bros" is still doing a dead end Truck driver's job all over the states…..

I visited an Igbo friend in Houston 1993, all the man wanted is to work his wife to death so they can move to Sugerland (poor girl finally wised up and moved on in 2000, by divorcing his dumb ass).

In Igbo society divorce is seen as a big deal more than Yoruba society (were the woman can pick and mix at will). It is something that Igbo people need to urgently address before they run out of coffin to bury their women in America
Re: Why Nigerian Men Kill Their Wives In America
M. Akosa posted on 09-16-2010, 14:49:48 PM
QUOTE:
First lady & Igboamadivorce,

Let the truth be told no matter how uncomfortable it maybe. Some Igbo Men in America are walking psychopaths waiting to bludgeon their wives at the slightest provocation, large Igbo population in America has nothing to do with it.

Growing up in the 1980s, it was not necessarily a thing of joy to hear that an Igbo youth is resident in the U.S.A (it usually connotes an unserious youth that must have failed their WAEC/GCE/JAMB etc). It is the same youths ( now middle age) that are currently running Amok in America killing their spouses (especially nurses). Due to the astronomical financial success this women are able to command within a relatively short period in America, while\" Bros\" is still doing a dead end Truck driver's job all over the states…..

I visited an Igbo friend in Houston 1993, all the man wanted is to work his wife to death so they can move to Sugerland (poor girl finally wised up and moved on in 2000, by divorcing his dumb ass).

In Igbo society divorce is seen as a big deal more than Yoruba society (were the woman can pick and mix at will). It is something that Igbo people need to urgently address before they run out of coffin to bury their women in America


Gbam !!! God bless you BC.

You've exactly taken words out of my mouth. The reasons why the Igbo men are more vulnerable to this social problems in the US and adjustment issues is all due to their attitudes and cultural perceptions of marriage. They view it as a "do or die " affair.

They assume or think that a single woman is condemned material and that in the events of their spouses leaving them, that means she is automatically a prostitute. They have this derogatory percpetion of women they date or had any intimacy with. Also notorious for being spiteful and looking down on vulnerable AA women, who naively embrace and accept them into their private lives, thinking that they have met an African prince charming.
They assume that marriage is a life and death type of something. Once they see any woman, they just start scheming all sorts of perverse plans of how to eternally bind that woman all her days on this earth, without even knowing that person's spirituality or life purposes and outlook in such lifelong matters. For the Igbo men, it is only a one way road.

I read something that the this recent mugu (murderous and suicidal driven) prof. sought perfection all through his life from others - intimate partners, and clearly manifested it by being demanding and full of expectations and a very weird and pervese sense of entitlement.
That he also seriously regretted the break up of his first marriage, and blamed himself so much for it. And yet, I wonder how he continued deluding himself still, by now past the age of 60 and now well into his third marriage and yet still seeking for perfections. For which I am sure he made no efforts to give to others (his exes) during his life time. Very sadly he hooked up this last time around with an equally very low self esteemed woman, whom he unfortunately sent to her early grave.
And you know what? when I look at this man's photo, all I can see is a deformed looking ugly scarecrow. Perfection seeker my foot !!!
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