I have to crack up whenever I hear stories like this. Please read on. One fine day, I asked a friend to give a speech on Black History Month. As we were discussing, God and the Bible came up and I was tempted to ask what denomination she belongs to. “I attend a Christian church.” What do you mean I asked her? She listed some names of the churches she attends- all Pentecostal. I asked her whether other churches like the Catholic, Methodist and host of others are not Christian churches. She said she does not consider them so.

This was my first exposure to this part of town I call Faith   City , a community of believers with diverse points of views about God, Man and Destiny. It seems as if each community is desperately trying to get the 1800 number to God.

This one is huge. There was a girl from one of the East African Countries  who came to the United States as a maid, but was abused by the family that brought her here. As the story goes, “she was sleeping in the basement without any heat during winter and was not allowed to go out”, she  was brutally maltreated . One day, she had enough of it and ran away. It was snowing, she had neither winter shoes nor coats, and she collapsed in the snow. She was picked up by the police whom she told her story. The man and his wife were questioned and the girl was taking to a homeless shelter. There was a Revered sister of the Catholic faith, who heard her story and invited her to her house. She would occasionally spend days there and the kind sister helped find her a job.

I went to visit one day, the Revered sister and this girl was there with another brother. A discussion came up about being born -again and accepting Jesus as Lord and personal Savior. As we weighed into the conversation, our friend whom I will call Ms. M told the Revered sister whom I will call sister B (who gave accommodation and helped found her a job) that she will go to hell "if you do not accept Jesus as your Lord and personal Savior” You need to be born- again, she ranted with the other guy in chorus. I simply asked what is the meaning of being born- again. What was disturbing to me was the professors of this faith in the born-again (BA) do not seem to know the ABCs of this belief system. This is true. These people had no idea what being born again meant. Even as I tried to explain with my limited knowledge of the scriptures to them, they were adamantly oozing the BA syndrome which nearly caused a third world war.

My third encounter with these Christian believers came during the much more familiar friends-girlie-‘sista’ talks. Again, this was a good friend of mine. You know when girls are together, they talk the girlie stuff. This day as most of the time, we were whining to God, why He did not do this for us and why He did that to us. Sometimes when we were not talking about guys, we will center on God and prayers. Out of the blue, she invited me to her place of worship, I said to her: “Oh, I thought you were a Catholic?” She said, “Yeh, with a draw, adding Eucha, you have to meet this pastor and that pastor; when they pray miracles happen”. So my friend hit the road every Sunday going from my church to another. I suggested to her to calm down and go back to her church because I told her, God hears prayers wherever you’re. She went back to her Catholic faith and even joined the choir. But when things started getting rough with her, she broke up with her boy friend. She once again dropped out from the church and started her crisscrossing in Maryland in search of signs and miracles.

One night she woke me up at 2AM as she usually does after talking to the one of her pastors, we would pray. Afterwards she told me about this new pastor who claimed that every single woman that went to his church got married and even when barren gave birth. The miracle behind these miracles apparently was due to the pastor’s miraculous reversal of the devil’s hold on their luck. She wanted me to tag along. I told her that I would not go. Soon after, she told the pastor all about my demons. The next thing she did was to put me on a three-way call. I promised to go but changed my mind. This went on and on until one day, I could not take it any more.  I bluntly told her that she was not searching for God, but rather searching for miracles and wonders. She quoted a version of the bible which supported her stand, but when I looked up that quotation, it was just a sound bite that was lifted up from that passage, leaving out the rest of message.

Finally she went ahead and made an appointment for me. One day I went to her office again, she put me on the phone with the pastor. This time she told me that he knew all my problems, my devils, all my Mammiwater, and all the orishi-orishis of my life. (This guy can truly pierce through the heart). Wow! I said to myself. I asked how he knew all these. “You see my beloved sister in Christ ; I have been given the gift of visions and prophecy. You need lots of prayers, some people are working against you and I am going to pray for you”, he beamed (thinking perhaps, he had caught a big fish today. Na lie I said to myself, no! You didn’t) so are you going to pray for me now I asked him? No, you have to come to my church before I can pray for you. I asked why I have to go to his church before he could pray for me. He promised to remember me in his prayers. At this last ditch, my friend grilled me and said that I will see the result of her searching for miracles and wonders. The pastor told her to get all her belongings she kept in my house to the church so they could be exorcized. These churches remember are very expensive to attend. Well, I knew better. Two things here: one is that this guy knew nothing about me apart from what my girl friend had already told him; secondly, I knew how much she spends each time she sets her feet to see him or visit that church or any of her many churches for that matter. I did not have that kind of money. In my village there were and still are so many hungry children who could benefit from that amount of money.

My fourth encounter with God's warriors was with a guy I would here call Mr. Prophet. I knew this guy for years at the gym and he used to go out with my roommate. After sometime, I started seeing Mr. Prophet dressed in certain ways. Curiosity, they say, kills the cat. I went up to him and asked what he was up to. Well! Well! Know my dearest sister I have received Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. He then invited me to visit his church with an instruction to ask for ‘ Prophet Z. So fast, who is Prophet Z? (Oh, boy, please get a life) Curiosity again drove me to spy on that church every Sunday after mass. I would intentionally pass by the church and of course there were couple of co-prophets but more of co-prophetesses singing and clapping. I would sometimes peeped through the door, please do not blame me; it happened so fast that this guy became a prophet, he did not even go through the rank of a pastor first.Few months later, I never saw him again even in the gym.

After this story and another one, I promise, that will be it. I was driving one day when I saw a flier that invites all those without jobs, unmarried, barren, impotent, sad, drug addicts, alcoholics, and thieves, all the desperados to come and witness the handiwork of God. They promised to provide a panacea for all believers who would attend this miraculous renewal. Inquisitiveness got better part of me, I went closer, wrote down the address and on the appointed day I attended the renewal. They prayed and prayed and the ‘spirit’ came down.

At a certain point, the congregation lined up and the expected hunk guys, you know the ones you see at Jerry Springer Show, were in their station. They were men in waiting. As the congregation lined up the pastor started speaking in tongues, everyone joined in. Now as he was praying and laying hands on the members who to my surprise apparently the spirit possessed them, what kind, I do not know. Once the pastor lays his hand on an individual, he/she will (pretend) to fall; the   guys got them before they hit the ground and escort them to their seats. I was sitting in the front row and the pastor walked up to me to do the abracadabra on me, I told him that I was not possessed by any evil visible or invisible so I do not need to get rid of demons.

At that church, there were Nigerian, South African and two white pastors who were brothers. Afterwards, I interviewed the pastors and pointed out the tune of the flier as a deception because they were not God. They agreed with me, so I asked why they did not correct it when they saw that mistake. It was like Adam blaming Evil and Evil blaming the devil and the devil blaming God. No one wanted to take responsibility. Men, you got to be rich to attend that kind of church. So of those members are like my girl friend, they browse every church that promises them heaven on earth without sufferings.

This one happened in California . A friend invited me to a renewal conference. The pastor, a Nigerian, at one point during his sermon said that one day he saw a guy with an old racked ugly car. There was a bumper sticker that reads “God is Good.”. This pastor went to the owner of the vehicle how could he reconcile his faith in God and his poverty, adding “if God is good as you claimed how can you be driving this kind of car”? He invited the guy to come to his church where God works miracles. He told the audience that most Africans who believe in God work two jobs a day. It is a curse he told them. Ironically, the same people who work two jobs are same people who invited this almighty pastor all the way from Nigeria , with his travel, lodging and food expenses paid by these guys with two jobs. The pastor  I heard is a millionaire in Nigeria .

Finally, let me share the Nigerian part of this drama. A family friend invited me to their annual Pentecostal renewal. I went with her. I was still in high school then, I had only fifty kobo with me and that was all I had both in the house and at school. I was so glad to have saved that money for God instead of spending it on mama put. Before the offering time, the pastor announced that God does not accept fifty kobo or one naira because one naira and kobo stink. From that day on I began to have issues with some of these pastors and churches.

Almost around the same time I was again invited to attend a praying group; I took along my younger brother, Anacletus. Soft drinks were offered, but before we could finish drinking it was time for prayer. We started praying, everybody closed their eyes, knowing my brother very well, I knew he was not going to close his eyes; I kept an eye on him and the other eye on God. No do, no do, Anacle went to the table where the drinks were, while we were praying, he made himself at home with some drinks. It was a marvel, I went up to my brother and asked why he drank the sodas, he replied, first if you were really praying with your eyes closed, how did you know I drank the sodas? And again, he equipped, probably the ‘spirit’ drank them when they were speaking in tongues. I was furious with my brother because I was never invited again. I was even coached to speak in tongues by my new found born again friends. Although I was not a born again in their terms, I see myself as a born again Christian within the context of the Catholic faith.

I do speak in tongues as a Catholic, a secret known only to me and God. I will keep going though; I might never get that luck again for a free soda and a prayer.These episodes gave me a good idea about interfaith relations within the Christian community. In order for us to live together as people of one faith and one baptism, we must shy away from denominational subjectivism that divides friends from one another. Through such practices and attitudes, many people have parted company largely because the mystery about life and deception in human interpretations of our relationships with God make it impossible to avoid the stories in this narrative.

Robot  Villager

# 1 I have to crack up whenever I hear stories like this. Please read on. One fine day, I asked a fr...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 03.04.2008 09:13

TsuliyanDodo  Villager

# 2 Yes. It was in Kaduna, when I was one of those village boys, school leaver in the city. 1995 precisely. It was a Sunday, I went to "catch" an Uncle in that huge pentecostal church, it was a single bus ride to the church (but would have been 3 bus rides to Uncle's house). I had my last N1.50k in my pocket. I looked round where uncle usually sat in Church, the man was not there. I was shaking from starvation, for I hadn't eaten any meaningful dinner the previous day. I was wondering whether to put the entire money as offering... What would happen. When it was offering time (blessing time!) The Bishop shouted "woe to those who drop "chicken change" in the offering basket. He brought out a pack of crisp N20 notes, went to one of the doors and called on that "category" to march and have N20 each for offering. I lined up and collected my twenty naira note. :D:surprised:smile: I put my last N1.50 as offering. GOD had provided me with N20, and food for the next 5 days in Mama Put joint at the Mammy Market near the barracks where I squatted. Posted by TsuliyanDodo| 03.04.2008 13:31

rickpage  Villager

# 3 Recently I met a zambian lady, who wanted to do it all the time. I gave her the treats, and thought she would behave, but now she acts as though I'm some kind of colonial property. One time in nairobi, I kissed her on the ear, and she made a sqeaking sound. Then she said she had goose-bumps and that she had to go to the ladies rest room. She just recently bugged me to get her a cell, complaining I never call often, but I it's just a way to keep track of my movements. The Miss just recently took me to a shaman, where blood was drawn from me and some sort of chanting & prayers were inducted during these traditional rites of sorts. She has started demanding being on top, when getting the treats. I am starting to get scared of this. I need some help please. Any suggestions anyone? Posted by rickpage| 03.04.2008 15:39

ikechukwu  Villager

# 4 =rickpage;4295001545>Recently I met a zambian lady, who wanted to do it all the time. I gave her the treats, and thought she would behave, but now she acts as though I'm some kind of colonial property. One time in nairobi, I kissed her on the ear, and she made a sqeaking sound. Then she said she had goose-bumps and that she had to go to the ladies rest room. She just recently bugged me to get her a cell, complaining I never call often, but I it's just a way to keep track of my movements. The Miss just recently took me to a shaman, where blood was drawn from me and some sort of chanting & prayers were inducted during these traditional rites of sorts. She has started demanding being on top, when getting the treats. I am starting to get scared of this. I need some help please. Any suggestions anyone? Rickpage, please, please please if you don't have any opinion on the thread it was not nice for you to miss an opportunity to keep quite. I would implore admin to take note. cheers Posted by ikechukwu| 03.04.2008 16:07

Djister  Villager

# 5 =ikechukwu;4295001550>Rickpage, please, please please if you don't have any opinion on the thread it was not nice for you to miss an opportunity to keep quite. I would implore admin to take note. cheers :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Djister has found a new friend!!!! Djister I Posted by Djister| 03.04.2008 19:07

Agidimolaja  Villager

# 6 Mbachu, Various experiences.including the likes of yours forced me to stop going to church. I still consider myself a good christian but only when christianity is not pushed too far. One major reason why I dislike moslems is their preaching and use of violence.I also dislike a good number of our modern day christians because of their lies and total ignorance of what the Bible says and also by various wild make-belief interpretations of the Bible, possibly to suit their purposes or meet their acute needs. I can put up with Catholics despite their awful historical past and their continual worship of virgin Mary ,a form of idolatory. Catholics are at least so good in humanitarian services and Catholics have not used the Bible to preach false doctrines about healings and miracles as basic doctrines. I can put up with Baptists{myself a Baptist}despite the fact that they actively participated in trans-atlantic slave trades etc. I also have no problem with other protestants since I need not go to worship with them and they never bother me with their doctrine or beliefs except religious pests like Jehoval Witnesses and Mormons. They know not to come to my door anymore since they always meet their match in me. My major problem is however with the so called Penticostals or Ministries or Fellowships as they variously call themselves. Except that they don't practice violence anymore like moslems, they are almost as misguided,pitiful and naked just as moslems. I worshiped with them before,studied with them but I was all the while skeptical of their pentecostal doctrines especially when it comes to the aspect of miracles,healings,speaking in tongues and other useless nonsense they buried themselves in. I watched with total disgust as none of their heralded miracles happened.I watched as the blinds went home as blind as they have always being and the lame as lame as ever.Never in my life have I met with a single soul who was actually born blind but recieved his sight during a so called revival. I heard people giving testimonies but those are testimonies that could not be verified. I heard people who claimed to be speaking in tongues or another language.But the spectacular phenomenom which they constantly put on display is not the speaking of any language of which they had know prior knowledge;rather, those were mere unintelligent utterances.Whereas those who spoke in tongues in the Bible did speak languages that they were never taught nor learn and people who speak the languages clearly heard and understood them. What is going on today is make- belief and spiritual jingoism.Spirituality is no more the bedrock of christian movements, rather, people flooded to the gathering seeking ways out of problem jungles. There is so much fraud and deceptions in our modern day religious movements as such that anyone in his right mind would not want to be part of such crowd especially the penticostal folds where people are so fatally misled,brainwashed and taken advantage of in the name of God. Their major bait is miracles.Miracles of health and miracles of wealth. The point is that; are those clerics actually in possession of such power?I doubt it much. I was never a victim of any religious sect,yet my heart bleeds for those who are trapped within.May God send deliverance to them. Posted by Agidimolaja| 04.04.2008 02:24

10Kobo  Villager

# 7 Folks, First, let me confess that l am not your regular good guy. I am hard man to the core, life experiences has made me one but deep down, l am convinced l love and respect God. In my university days, l was invited by a friend of mine, Bimpe. We were very close (l actually have a soft spot for her) and she belonged to the Catholic charismatic. She speaks in tongue and l believe it means you can speak directly or at least establish a faster rapport with God if you speak in tongues so, l went on invitation, to an all night "prayer intercession" on the campus football field, a couple of times. We prayed and prayed and around 3am, the clouds gather and the prayer leader said God was now in our midst! We prayed even harder and the tongue-speaking started. When it became apparent that l was the only sinner who would not speak in tongues, l begged God to forgive me right there and l made vows to be of good account if only HE will talk to me in tongues! How much l cried and begged but still, "My mouth" will not utter the foreign language. We had a break and the Prayer leader asked me "how it is" and l confessed to him that l tried but could no speak even though l wanted to. He advised that l try harder and during the next round when l still couldn't, surprisingly, he asked me to "just move your mouth" and dont resist. Again, l tried to move my mouth, l even mouthed the most common sound l was hearing and it sounded like "shirobobo shirobobo.............( cant remember the rest, its well over twenty years now). Eventually, being a pragmatic realist, l asked God to make me speak, if it was possible for me to speak. I know the born-again "speakers" might say l dont have the "spirit" but what the heck, l honestly did try and when l say 'honestly', its the kind of honesty between "one man and God", just between the twa a'ya. Till today, l have never been able to speak in tongues but the day my senior brother's girl friend walked directly from where l was observing both of them having a sweet smooch :D , straight to the alter and began speaking in tongues, l laughed and gave God a big wink :wink: If you read the Bible: 1Cor. 14:5 - 12 (if you speak, you must explain for congregation to understand); Acts 4:8 (Holy spirit caused them to speak in tongues and they spoke in someone's verifiable language; 1Cor. 14:27 -28 (maximum of three can speak, one after the other only and much more importantly, someone must interpret, else speaker must keep it private); BUT 1Cor. 14:39-41 (do not forbid speaking in tongues ...when done in a fitting and orderly way O) Finally, 1Cor. 13:8 ( only love will never cease, prophesy, tongues, e.t.c, will cease!) Cheers, 10Kobo If l may ask: can anyone read for me, what Act 8:37 said? Seems to be missing from my NIV Bible and other three versions l have read????? Thanks. Posted by 10Kobo| 07.04.2008 21:51

datuouwadaberechi  Villager

# 8 thanks for ur post 10kobo. i had experiences very similar to that which was described by yourself, viz being coached in the art of tongue-speaking and i guess i share ur views about d subject. d Good Book does state quite clearly that all these things will pass away but that Love endureth forever. i wish our pastors and some of these pentecoastals would realise how much damage could be done to the psyche of a young and impressionable adult or even child when he/she has passed through the ringer otherwise known as tongue-speak 101 and especially if he/she gets a re-sit or worse, a failure. i was pretty depressed when it happened to me, twice. and the first time i was pretty crushed. as for acts 8:37, u r right, its missing from mine too. as for young ladies seeking deliverance from spinsterhood, just kneel down by your bed and pray, laying ur heart bare to Him. Take all your directions from Him and He will lead you home. May our Lord continue to guide our footsteps in His direction, notwithstanding the pentecostals, non-penticostal, charismatic and otherwise. Posted by datuouwadaberechi| 12.04.2008 19:07

10Kobo  Villager

# 9 datu-o, Long username u gat there! Thanks for ur comment. l make offerings, FREELY as l wish, both in and outside the church but l DONT PAY Tithe; I find it deceitful, to claim to pay Tithe when l know like most people do, that we dont really ensure its 'exact and precisely' 10% of all our income. I am also not comfortable when l see "Pastors" living in opulence while the generality of the Church members are struggling to eek out a living; and to think its these "poor majority" that contributes most of the church income? have u witnessed where they pour invectives on church members, just to ensure that everyone is hoodwinked, paralyzed with fear and zombied into parting with every last penny, for church contribution? Monkey-work, Baboon Chop, abi? Why cant the church be engaged in "even distribution" of wealth? As an example, if a church is rich enough to build a University (and they all have one now, from Members contribution), why is it that most church members children cannot attend the same University , due to the fact that they cannot afford the exhorbitant tuition fees charged: only for the children of "outsiders" or those that did not "contribute but can afford" the charges to populate such school? Should the children of such church members not be the priority and catchment area or is it all about "business and profit"? Even the followers of Jesus (those that sacrificed and suffered with him) were called the "first fruit" or first beneficiary of his kingdom! The Churches should stop robbing Peter to Pay Paul. Of course, av almost earn myself complete a banishment from my church, for this kind of "unconventional" ideas, so dont share my point of view o! :D Cheers and stay blessed. Posted by 10Kobo| 14.04.2008 06:32