A reply to Brothers Behaving Badly & Some Alternate Answers to Sabbella's Questions

I have read with gleeful entertainment the exploits and questions on the Nigerian Character from persons who have been given various tags from various persons fictitious and real; asking about the Nigerian Character. I think I also qualify as a Nigerian relationship expert and I think as a Nigerian, I can give myself that title. I was born in Nigeria, I speak three Nigerian languages. I was raised in Jos. Chose to attend the University in Benin, Law School in Lagos (I had no choice in that one o) practiced law all over the country especially Makurdi, Jos, Bauchi, Maiduguri, Aba, Abuja and Lagos; to mention a few major cities I frequented in my practice. I was for several years an elected member of the Bar Association in Lagos. I was in the eye of the storm in the famous Bar Elections in Port-Harcourt (Remember the Kuye/Dalhatu wahala?). Then I became a preacher and preached whenever and wherever my practice took me out. In short, I interacted with a lot of Nigerians, the good, the bad and the ugly. Now in the USA, I also interact with many Nigerians in the Diaspora as a Missionary and as an elected Trustee and Chairman Legal Committee of ANAC.

Controlling?

Having established my credentials as one who could speak as a relationship expert, and as a man of the people, you will notice that I am as Nigerian as they come, we love to toot our horn. Forgive me folks, even if we are unapologetic in this regard, I will explain shortly. We toot our horn because; most persons of the world would not acknowledge us or our achievements. So, in tooting our horn, those who do not want to acknowledge us would say that we are arrogant, brash, pushy and controlling. Maybe they have a point. We are so controlling that we have control of the exploitation of our mineral resources, inclusive of Fanta-Cola, Danta-Cola, Coca-Cola and even Tin and Colunbite in Jos, Petrol all over the place and now gold and all the other hidden minerals God in his mercy has not yet revealed their names to us. We are so controlling we let a guest into our house and let him have the master-bedroom plus the madam as a goodwill offering. In my little experience here in the USA, I have seen some really pushy women; including the not very educated types. Except for them; they say ‘you got attitude’.

Marriages

Nigerians love children. Okay, hold it. Not the pedophilic way! The godly way, O. Never mind that some cultures marry them off  or have them betrothed early to collect bride price to pay for the boys’ education - and right at puberty - so that they are not corrupted by dirty old men. All the hypocritical civilized western countries had this culture too. The word ‘elope’ and the phrase ‘spoils of war’ all referred to forcing women into often unwanted early marriages. Nigerians also love male children, to carry on the family tradition, so they make a fuss over them whether they have them or not. We are not alone in this patriarchal society. Look at how they did Princess Di in because of that ugly person whose name we cannot remember.

Nigerian Christians (the new wave Born-again type) love marriage. If you doubt it attend one Pentecostal church where one bro gets a vision, announces it; and the sis gets the same vision and you would know what I’m talking about. Nigerian Christians, once they marry, do not believe in divorce. So whether male or female, they would suffer great abuse (inclusive of police harasment) to maintain the family name intact and remain married. The divorcee is still on the fringes of Christian society and scorned if not in words in deed. I read somewhere that pastors encourage their members to divorce. That is not true. This is because, in Nigerian society, pastors are some of the most influential members of the society, and take the dissolution of any family in their congregation as a personal failing in doctrine. I know because I served one diligently for four years in Nigeria. A good name in Nigeria is still worth more than gold, divorce gives nothing but grief absent parents and a bad name.

Fake Marriages

From the time of the immigration to the USA, wave after wave of immigrants have found ingenious ways to run away from their sending societies and to settle in God’s own Country. The Jews, the Irish, the Italians, the Mexicans all worked their way into America. Some no doubt had some criminal background and some still do if you believe the media, but I do not believe that there was a presumption applied as is currently is the case that every marriage contracted is fake and must be solely  for immigration purposes. I speak from experience. The most fake marriages would not be by Nigerians if statistics are kept. I know of a mixed couple, they have been married for over forty years, they have three children all with graduate degrees all doing very well. Their father is black, their mother white. They went back to Nigeria to live for a while so the children could acquire discipline, good morals and manners. The son is a major share holder of a record company in the US. I knew of another family, the wife followed the man to Nigeria, they set up a group of companies in petroleum, hotels, hospitals and general merchant trading. The foreign wife died and was buried in Nigeria. And many more inter-racial families that produced mixed children we dearly but misguidedly call “half-caste” and held them in high esteem. Growing up, Nigeria youths love “Oyinbo”; watch American movies and can tell you all about their stars. The prurient that fantasized, did so with the aid of Playboy, Penthouse and the tall stories of the thriller Nick Carter; full of naked white women! Most of the Bond women were initially white. Charlie’s’ Angels were white. Is it any wonder that having been culturally colonized, Nigerian men would want to marry white? Why would it be that “Brothers Behaving Badly” because they marry white? (Full disclosure; my wife is…a pretty white female). Heh you need to see our gorgeous smart children. How come Nigeran First generation immigrant students in America are some of the smartest per capital is a question that begs for an answer. Most times the Nigeria does not even remember that he/she is black. He/she is too busy trying to achieve.

419 Scams

As in all societies, there are those who choose the way of dishonor. There was the Italian Mafia, the Irish Gangs, the Mexican Gangs, and the Ku Klux Klan to mention but a few. You do not call all Americans KKK or all Italians Mafiosi. That would be prejudice. It is not right. I have read copiously about 419 scams. Before 419, there was the Nigerian Drug Trafficking Rings that came up with all kinds of ingenious ways to hide drugs purportedly discovered by Nigerians. Note that Nigeria is not known to be a country that cultivates or manufactures hard drugs. Nigeria was only a transit center, and Nigerians made to be couriers of that dreadful substance, yet Nigeria got all the negative press. Nigerians per population know very little about computers. Some of their governors and cabinet Ministers (their educated elite) know not how to open their e-mail. How did Nigeria then become the center of computer fraud when majority of the elite do not know how to do a wire transfer. Years ago before I even understood computers, I saw movies like Wall Street, Risky Business, The Firm and one I cannot remember of a female con artist that fascinated me. I hate thieves, but Nigerian con-artists are nothing but a pesky presence to those who are not criminally minded. The so-called Nigerian scam letters, I have received so many,  are so fake that they shout at you like any pesky insurance, pyramid or free credit card scheme. How a straight innocent person can fall for those exposed criminal lures boggles the imagination.

In the sense that there is no set Nigerian culture since we have 250-350 different ethnic groups that may or may not know jack about their neighbor, we may have been the area where the Biblical Tower of Babel fell; you cannot say this is how Nigerians would behave. I have not even ventured to go into the concept of Ajebota and Ajepako, the rural and the urban, the North and the South, Itsekiri - Urhobo, Tiv – Jukun; Lagos Yoruba, Ibadan Yoruba; Ndigbo is a different matter – Odikpa risky. One thing you can take to the bank is that Nigerians have been judged the happiest people on earth because obstacle or no obstacle, we would walk around it, crawl under it or jump over it or plainly push it to the ground kpaa kpaa. We have challenges of poor health, bad leadership, colonizers, exploitatative and hypocritical friends, but we have learnt from experience not to give up. That is a collective trait most people do not want to acknowlege. That is why the other Africans love to emulate/hate us. We may poke fun and share anecdotes of wayo dealings but that is not what we are as a collective. We are not ashamed of being Nigerian, we are not afraid of hard work and we believe in God (as found in the Pentecostals and other churches worldwide blazing the trail of faith). Whether or weddant, home or abroad, NIGERIA GO SURVIVE!

Robot  Villager

# 1 ...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 03.08.2006 12:00

Odumodu

# 2 >>We are not ashamed of being Nigerian<< Speak for yourself, Mister! As for learning about others, first know how the Igbo address themselves: Ndiigbo - the Igbo people, NEVER "Igbos" or "Ibo." Oh, the phrase is "O dikwa 'risky'!" Otherwise, good piece. Posted by Odumodu| 03.08.2006 12:32

ula-lisa  Villager

# 3 @odumodu OF COURSE I speak for myself and the majority of us. the cowed, pessimists and criminals are few, they do not represent us all. You wrote: __________________________________________________________________ As for learning about others, first know how the Igbo address themselves: Ndiigbo - the Igbo people, NEVER "Igbos" or "Ibo _________________ So sorry sir, Since my elementatary school days 'Ibo' was enough and completely understood. Now we have to accomodate the change. Thanks. go buy the very old books and you will get my point. I have seen some even here in the USA written by reputable "Igbo" scholars. Don't blame me, Nwokem. That is soooo controling!!!! Posted by ula-lisa| 03.08.2006 16:41

aako	# 4 Pastor, why now? God despises one beating his own drum. Where is humility in this article....is marry a white lady badge of honour or courage? Posted by aako| 03.08.2006 20:10

ula-lisa  Villager

# 5 @aako you wrote: ________________________________________________________ Pastor, why now? God despises one beating his own drum. Where is humility in this article....is marry a white lady badge of honour or courage? _____________________________________________________ God despises many things inclusive of negative representation, nudity and prejudicial representation. This article replies a few written by various people inclusive of one by my friend, Uche Nwora. How would you feel if your wife read the Nigeriavillagesquare and got the impression that Nigerians hate white spouses/ or women from Nnewi? You have a right of reply. Sorry if I bragged on my beautiful wife (I hope she read it), if you were offended, forgive me and ask God to have mercy on me; but this was written in the spirit of A RIGHT OF REPLY. Many other persons besides Nigerians read this board. Secondly, marrying white is not a badge of honor or courage, but it helps if you are content with who you married. Ojukwu, for instance, sure showed-off his Bianca. As a relationship expert, I know that makes Bianca love him more. Posted by ula-lisa| 04.08.2006 07:54

shunfay  JJC

# 6 Mr. Odumodu, if you're ashamed of being a Nigerian, how come you still bear the name Odumodu? it doesn't sound english to me. And since when did "Ibo" became unacceptable? Well, I am one very proud Nigerian!!! Posted by shunfay| 04.08.2006 12:27

Odumodu

# 7 >>Secondly, marrying white is not a badge of honor or courage, but it helps if you are content with who you married. Ojukwu, for instance, sure showed-off his Bianca. As a relationship expert, I know that makes Bianca love him more.<< Bishop Eric: So Bianca has become a WHITE woman? Abeg, leave the wonderful Waawa woman alone-o! As for controlling, na yo sabi: Just take the correction and don't be Mr. ITK :) Posted by Odumodu| 04.08.2006 16:31

ula-lisa  Villager

# 8 @Odumodu Bianca is not white and I did introduce the quirky twist there just to highlight that those who want to; recommend their wives to the world. I gave one Nigerian example. My choice of wife is mine, whether beautiful or ugly, white, black or blue, she is my preference. I do not know where you live, but here as in most places, the issue of race is something we deal with daily directly or indirectly in the USA. In Nigeria too where most are black; I am aware that some like me prefer women with a lighter complexion. Even amongst the whites, for some strange reasons, some prefer blue-eyed blonds. My experience is mine to share; I have suffered much prejudice from both races and the most painful is reverse racism is the one from my countrimen. In case you are a JJC here; my write-up is a reply to an earlier article by Uche Nwora titled "Brothers Behaving Badly" in which he lambasted all the blacks who married white women. He was poking fun at us; mixed-couples. I only introduced my wife's complexion as an aside (it is in perenthesis, if you noticed) for intellectual honesty (called full disclosure). Put another way, this is a rebuttal to Uche's parody which many contributed to. I am not mad at anyone; just giving another viewpoint, that's all. Posted by ula-lisa| 04.08.2006 19:37

ula-lisa  Villager

# 9 In case you still do not know what I'm talking about; here is a link: click on it, it would open the page, read it before you comment further. It is not good to enter the middle of a discourse if you do not know the background. The last time I checked, it had 1827 hits and 108 contributors. Here - read it. http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/content/view/3472/55/ Posted by ula-lisa| 04.08.2006 21:05

ula-lisa  Villager

# 10 In case you still do not know what I'm talking about; here is a link: click on it, it would open the page, read it before you comment further. It is not good to enter the middle of a discourse if you do not know the background. The last time I checked, it had 1827 hits and 108 contributors. Here - read it. http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/content/view/3472/55/ Posted by ula-lisa| 04.08.2006 21:05

---

The conversation continues in our forum. Click here to read all comments

---