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“Talking about languages,” I
started, “It’s as if I’m learning Yoruba language all over again. I
have never owned a Yoruba dictionary. I guess because it was my first
language I took it for granted since I could always ask my mum, uncles,
other extended family members, or my friends if I needed anything.
However, my son asked me some questions and I did not know.
Olaomo: Really, give an example.
“What’s the Yoruba word for color gray?” I replied.
Wonu: I don’t know. I’m used to saying gray.
Olaomo: I don’t know either.
“What about square and rectangle?” I continued.
Wonu: Onigun merin.
Olaomo: Both of them are onigun merin. I wonder what circle is.
“I told him circle was rogodo.” I began, “But afterwards, I didn’t feel like it was the right answer. I am buying a Yoruba dictionary next year.”
Wonu: That’s your New Year resolution eh?
“It’s part of it.” I responded.
Olaomo: You’ve got me interested. I’m going to do research on this.
A man sitted behind Olaomo turned and addressed us.
Man:
My sisters. I could not help but hear what you were saying. I commend
you for your efforts in teaching our children Yoruba. Regarding colors,
if you don’t know what it is, just transliterate it. That is what I
do. For example, I call the color brown, biranu, gray is gireyi, square is skuwa, rectangle is rẹekitangu ati bẹ bẹ lọ (and so forth). Iya mi maun sọ fun mi pe (My mother used to tell me that) ohun ti o lenu o gbọn ju yan lọ (whatever does not have a mouth cannot be smarter than one). Niwọngba ti a ti mọ ede oyinbo sọ (since we understand English), agbọdọ yi gbogbo ẹ mọra wọn na ni (we must add both together).
A lady sitted by him laughed and stated;
Lady: Ẹ ma ma da loun jare. Alai ni kan şe ni. (Don’t respond to him. He is just kidding). Ẹ ra iwe itumọ Yoruba (buy the Yoruba dictionary). Ẹ ma fetisi s’ọre mi jọ (Please don’t listen to my friend).
We thanked them and continued our conversation.
Olaomo: What I’d really like to see is a Yoruba bible online.
“I know what you mean.” I responded warmly. “That is a dire need.”
Wonu: You emissaries with your Yoruba stress. As long as my son believes in Christ, I don’t care what language he speaks.
Man: My sister, oti o. Ẹ bami kọmọ yin ni (Help me teach your son) Yoruba.
Wonu: No problem. If you have Yoruba classes, I’ll let him attend. However, I’m not going to sit and start teaching him A, B, D.
Man: O tọ dẹ lẹ sọ (You spoke the truth). I should start Yoruba classes.
Lady: O tan nsin! (Serves you right). Wọn ti muẹ. (You’ve been caught). Ibo ni gbogbo enia ti ma raye lati ma kọmọ lede (Where will everyone find the time to teach children the language)
Olaomo:
If it’s important, one will find the time. I think we Christians
particularly have been guilty of not emphasizing the need to teach the
language. We wear the clothes, uphold the godly values in the culture,
eat the food, but we don’t really pass on the language. I have many
friends that their children only understand Yoruba but cannot speak it.
Some don’t even understand at all.
At
this point, I excused myself to use the restroom. On return I saw that
the man and the lady were getting ready to leave. We exchanged
greetings and as I sat down, I asked my friends how the discussion had
ended.
Olaomo: Wonu has agreed to let Yoruba language be a part of Ọlaade’s life.
“Very good.” I replied. “I’m glad to hear that.”
Wọnu: Derbrah, do men also have post partum depression (PPD)?
“I was taught that they sometimes do.” I responded.
Wọnu: I think my husband does.
“Why do you say that?” I queried.
Wọnu:
He is too moody. He frets unnecessarily. He thinks he’s going to end up
like his dad, he doesn’t think he’ll make a good father; the pressure
is overwhelming, he thinks he has the dysfunctional gene.
Ọlaọmọ: No. He called it the insanity gene.
Wonu: They’re all the same.
“How long has this been going on? I asked.
Wọnu: Since the time my pregnancy was confirmed till today.
“Then it may not be PPD.” I suggested. “I think it’s a childhood trauma he didn’t deal with.”
Ọlaọmọ: It is his dad. That man is a nut if you ask me.
Wọnu: I don’t understand why he’s so worried.
“Pray with him.” I replied. “Fear can be crippling. Also, there are three types of fear, spiritual, soulish and physical.”
Wọnu:
What’s there to be afraid of? Perfect love casts out fear. Fear is
unbelief! So his father left when he was five and did not return for
fifteen years, that’s history. Why can’t he get over that?
Ọlaọmọ: Ọmọwọnuọla, that is still traumatic! Everybody handles it differently.
“Pray with him, not just for him.” I encouraged. “He will get to the level he needs to be.”
Wọnu: Wọle was a Christian before me. I have caught up with him and moved up. What’s there to hold on to? Let it go and let God.
Ọlaọmọ:
To be fair, he is resilient. He has been through a lot. Imagine growing
up wondering where your dad was. Many children blame themselves.
“I
wish his mum had exposed him to a surrogate dad as soon as it
happened.” I replied. “That’s what I did for my sons. Dysfunction is
one of the major tools of the Devil.”
Wọnu: So how will being sad and gloomy repair the past? I didn’t know he had these many issues before we got married.
Ọlaọmọ: So you would have jilted him?
Wọnu: No, I would have sent him for counseling. Now he’s refusing to go saying time will heal.
Ọlaọmọ: Time does heal.
Wọnu:
Time is too slow a healer. I have to comfort Ọlaade at night, then, I
have to comfort him too. It’s like having two babies. I don’t want more
than one child. That’s why we agreed to his having a vasectomy as soon
as I put to bed.
“I’m even impressed he decided to have a child.” I responded. “The Wọle I knew didn’t want to have children.”
Wọnu: He changed his mind when I told him I wanted a child and I was going to carry my sister’s baby.
Ọlaọmọ:
Don’t let it bother you too much or you’ll fall into unbelief as well.
Remember, if you faint not, you can help cover up his inadequacies.
“Wọle is a pastor.” I stated. “Why is he running from counseling? Is that pride, presumption or both?”
Wonu: I don’t know. He just needs to get a hang over his emotions. It’s draining me.
Olaomo:
It’s a little like Ariel. Only Wọle can help himself. I still think
it’s related to his dad. He needs to break some ungodly ties. I’ve only
spent six years in the U.S and I realize that Christianity in Nigeria
is very different from that here. We appear to be more emotional. We
sweep many shameful things under the carpet. Christianity in Yorubaland
seems to restrictive to children. While we promote the gospel, we allow
bad parents get away with bad parenting. Why should such a bad father
like Wọle’s dad be allowed to represent the family at their wedding, or
attempt to hold naming ceremony?
“I
know what you mean.” I responded. “Our culture and traditions need to
be redefined. Fatherhood in Yorubaland is questionable in many
families. When I was growing up, almost all my friends had a dad who
was adulterous and inconsiderate. Yet these men still gave their
daughters away on their wedding day and sat down as on’ikan (owner) during the traditional wedding ceremony. We honor responsible and irresponsible elders alike. That’s wrong.
Wonu:
It’s due to many things like the way we interpret the bible; the way we
view the old testament families and our concept of new testament
families. Having said that I think the strongest is our cultural
conditioning. We are very respectful of elders but we rarely make our
elders accountable. We think that if we do we are breaking God’s law.
Olaomo:
This has cheated many children some of their rights and dignity. I
thank God daily that I’m saved and for the exposure to good teachers of
the word, but most of all, I thank Him for wonderful parents. If not, I
would probably see nothing wrong with it.
“Thank
God indeed.” I responded. “I praise Him for a godly mother and good
extended family members. I’m also grateful that He called me into the
ministry, and gave me the desire to go into health. It helped me to
properly divide the word of life. I have assisted some people demystify
many scientific puzzles, ungodly social norms, and spiritual lies.”
Olaomo:
But how long shall our generation allow it to continue? My parents were
wrong for not heeding the risk of sickle cell anemia but they paid
their dues by putting my health first. All I had to do was tell my dad
that I had pain in my joints and off to the doctor we went. It made it
easy to forgive them and love them regardless. Wọle’s dad did not say
sorry for abandoning a five-year old boy for fifteen years.
Wonu:
Yet he returned when Wọle graduated from the university so he could sit
as father of the graduate. He likes to brag without working the sweat.
Olaomo: Wọle is still in the process of restoration. He’s not fully restored yet. I have to admit it hurts me as well.
“Let’s pray for him.” I suggested. We all held hands and prayed. Ọlaade remained fast asleep in his mother’s arms.
“You know what can also help him?” I started.
Wọnu: What?
“Give him some water of life.” I replied.
We all laughed.
Ọlaọmọ: Good idea, let him drink directly from the tap. Wonu shook her head.
“Hmm,” I wondered, “and Wọle doesn’t like Solomon, eh? Solomon wrote an interesting verse in Proverbs 5: 19 on breast therapy.
Wọnu: Both of you are not helping. I’m serious.
Ọlaọmọ: Lighten up. You’re in Christ, it can only get better.
Wọnu: How come you find dry jokes funny and my jokes inappropriate?
Ọlaọmọ: I don’t know.
Wọnu: So I shouldn’t be bothered by Ade’s moodiness.
“I wouldn’t. “ I reassured her. “He’ll get over it.”
Ọlaọmọ:
Let him keep playing with Ọlaade. The more he spends time with his son,
he’ll be reaffirmed that he cannot become like his dad. What’s more,
we’ve prayed. It’s in God’s hands now.”
Wọnu: You know, I still can’t believe his mother took his dad back after 15 years of abandonment! We Yoruba women şa, we condone abuse.
“We
were programmed to.” I replied. “I was taught in the church to be
subservient to my husband. It was like slave mentality. I had to
redefine submission from subservience and choose to set healthy
boundaries.”
Ọlaọmọ:
We’ve also been trained to abuse each other. Like Mosunmọla, Ariel’s
wife. You know I went to her when Ariel told me he was leaving me for
her. All she said was she was sorry, but what’s done is done.
Derbrah writes courtesy of Agape for All Ministries. Author retains copyright.
Jadesọla’s
restaurant is a drama ministry of the Yoruba Christian Women (YCW), an
international faith-based non-governmental, not-for-profit
organization. Similarity of names and stories are coincidental. Feel
free to copy for non-commercial use. Commercial use requires
permission. For more information on YCW write Jesutoyin Ajikẹ-King (toyinking@yahoo.com).
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Posted by Robot| 30.12.2007 13:16