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“So how long do I have to suffer for what is not my fault?” JoyinJesu fumed. “It’s been two years! I can’t seem to move on. Everyone I’m attracted to wants a virgin.”
“Maybe you’re attracted to the wrong men.” JayọJesu stated.
“Why should virginity matter? It’s just the first sexual intercourse. Like that’s going to make a good marriage or something.” JọlaJesu put in.
JẹyọJesu waived her hands. “Everyone calm down. I don’t think we’re listening actively to Joyin here.” Looking into Joyin’s eyes she asked “Joyin dear, what’s the real issue here? What triggered the sorrow?”
I was at Mama Jade’s. It was my fellowship time with her five daughters; JoyinJesu [Joyin] (17 years), JayọJesu [Jayọ] (21 years), JọlaJesu [Jọla] (23 years), JadunJesu [Jadun] (24 years) and JẹyọJesu [Jẹyọ](26 years). They were cousins with a lot of family secrets, some I was privileged to know due to my closeness with their aunt and adoptive mother. Two years ago, Jadun’s dad had mistakenly molested Joyin while drunk. It was a painful time but they had all come together as a family and dealt with the evil.
JoyinJesu looked away for a second and responded “Alex told me yesterday, he wanted to marry a virgin. I could see the gleam in his eyes as he thought I was his virgin. If I tell him the truth, he’ll be devastated. How can I continue our relationship knowing that his dream will be dashed?”
JadunJesu spoke up. “Joyin, I thought we were over the fact that my dad raped you and stole your virginity.”
JoyinJesu: “We were and we are. I just didn’t know that I would have to bear the scar for the rest of my life. First it was Segun, then it was Mensah, now it’s Alex. I’m only attracted to virgins who only want to marry virgins. It’s a mess. My whole life is stolen from me."
“No it’s not.” I said firmly. “It’s your life. You decide how you live it.” If Alex doesn’t want you after you tell him the truth, then he’s not yours. God will send you yours who will love you regardless of the fact that you were a victim of rape.”
I was at Mama Jade’s. It was my fellowship time with her five daughters; JoyinJesu [Joyin] (17 years), JayọJesu [Jayọ] (21 years), JọlaJesu [Jọla] (23 years), JadunJesu [Jadun] (24 years) and JẹyọJesu [Jẹyọ](26 years). They were cousins with a lot of family secrets, some I was privileged to know due to my closeness with their aunt and adoptive mother. Two years ago, Jadun’s dad had mistakenly molested Joyin while drunk. It was a painful time but they had all come together as a family and dealt with the evil. The shattered trust was rebuilt. Alcohol, which had a hold on Jadun’s dad’s life, was finally overcome after the traumatizing experience. He had begged Joyin, his brother and her mother. He had repented and turned to God. So the situation was redeemed. About a year after that tragedy struck again. This time all fathers passed away. Everyone had forgotten about the mess. Everyone, except Joyin.
Joyin: It still hurts. I had such a peaceful outlook to life. Now it’s all messed up. As soon as I get close to a guy, I realize they’ll never want me because I’m defiled.
“You’ve been lied to.” I told her. “And you’re lying to yourself.”
Joyin: Derbrah, what do you mean?
“It’s your definition of yourself.” I responded. “You’re thinking like you’re a body. No you’re not. You’re a spirit. Remember John 4:24. A spirit can’t be raped or defiled. You’re in Christ Jesus. God calls you His righteousness. Who calls the shots, you or God?”
Jadun: “Anytime she brings it up. I feel like a curse. My dad was a mess. He messed up her life. It’s true. But what’s done is done. I feel so helpless to make things right.”
“Jadun, it’s not your battle to fight.” I assured her. “Joyin, you have to take a stand not to let your past rule your future.”
Jẹyọ: “Exactly! Look at the bright side. You have your life ahead of you. Turn your mess into your message. Go and encourage girls who have been raped. Let them know that they can get over it.”
Jayọ: You may do research on alcohol and getting over its bad effects or something.
Jọla: You need to give that regret to God and let Him replace it with love, joy and peace.
Joyin: I did. But it keeps coming back
Jẹyọ: You mean you keep taking it back from God.
Jadun: Then you never really gave it to Him
“Ladies!” I stepped in. “We can continue about what Joyin should and could. However, only God can heal and restore. Let’s pray.”
We held hands and prayed in the spirit for a while. I opened my eyes and saw tears streaming down Joyin’s cheeks. My heart went to her. I’ll never know what it means to be raped. I could not empathize, but I could sympathize. My only advice was to run to God. Who else should we run to but our creator? I am just confident that God, our Maker is the best person to fix whatever is wrong with us. Then I turned and saw that Jadun was crying too. I imagined the pain she was feeling. Maybe shame and distress. It’s a saddening thing to know that one’s dad is a rapist. Worse, that he raped one’s cousin. O the woes of alcohol! I remembered Proverbs 20 and 23. I asked God for wisdom. We concluded our prayer and Joyin thanked me. She was seeing Alex later that night. She was going to tell him. She hoped he understood, but if he didn’t, then he didn’t. I asked her if she knew why she was relieving the pain. “It happened exactly two years ago on this day.” She responded.
“So make it an anniversary celebration.” I suggested.
She looked bleak.
I continued. “Since it happened today. Rather than brood or fume, have a ball. Celebrate the victory you’ve received in Christ. Satan meant it for your evil but God’s love gave you the victory. Like Jẹyọ suggested, turn your mess into your message. Throw a party next year and testify of how you overcame the evil of violation.”
Joyin: I never thought of that. Thanks. I’ll try that.
Jadun: What about me? What do I do? I hurt too.
“Do the same thing.” I offered. “Don’t let the sin of your father dictate how you live your life. Have a testimony bash. Declare your victory among others. I’ve found out that evil only wins when there is a cover–up. Light always reveals. Love always gives, but lies take. It’s a lie that you must feel less than you are because of an evil of the past. The blood of Jesus Christ has washed that away. Only Satan through his condemnation tactics would desire to pass the verdict of shame and guilt on you. In Christ Jesus, you have been judged innocent. ”
We chatted some more then it was time for me to leave. I had to take my food with me. Our discussion had taken precedence over dinner. When I got home, there was a message on my answering machine. It was from Joyin. Her voice sounded excited. She had told Alex and he didn’t care. She was still his virgin. I smiled and remembered when I was 17 years. Life is really interesting and God is always good.
Jadesọla’s restaurant is a drama ministry of the Yoruba Christian Women (YCW), an international faith-based non governmental, not-for-profit organization. Similarity of names and stories are coincidental. Feel free to copy for non-commercial use. Commercial use requires permission. For more information on YCW write Jesutoyin Ajikẹ-King (
toyinking@yahoo.com
).
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Posted by Mikky jaga| 19.05.2007 13:21