|
“I was raped too.” Ire stated. “I’m going to plan to watch you. I can glean from your testimony.
Iwa: Ire, when people are talking about being raped, you should not count yourself in.
“Why not?” I asked. “So because she was raped by the man she is married to makes it invalid?”
Iwa: She was raped in a legal union. That’s considered on the job training.
Ire: Who said?
Iwa: I don’t know, common sense?
“Education is needed.” I stated. “No means no, whether it was on your wedding night or not.”
Funso: Actually since we started our ministry three years ago, we’ve discovered that many married women are rape victims. It’s like legal sexual battery.
Bolu: They feel the pain just as much as those molested by non spouses. My mother was raped by my father in my presence. I know she was demoralized by it. It’s no wonder I was his next victim.
Iwa: That’s the circle of violence thing isn’t it?
Dēbhōrah: Yes it is. But the authority of Jesus Christ breaks it.
Ire: So you see, I was right. I was raped by my husband. I was a virgin till my wedding night. Actually, we both were. It was horrible. Maybe that’s why I’m passive-aggressive.
“I think you’re passive aggressive because your ministry partner died.” I stated. “It’s been one and a half years, but you can’t bring yourself to return to the church and continue where you left off.”
Ire: I tried returning but it’s just not the same. I still tried last week. I need to get a new church.
Funso: Come to our church. We’ll love to have you.
Iwa: My church is just a safe haven. I am totally protected.
“From reality.” I responded. “Anything to get away from your aunt.”
Iwa: That’s just one of the reasons why I attend my church. The other is none of the sisters or brothers are abusive. We don’t exhibit the lust of the eyes, the pride of life or the lust of the flesh.
Ire: Who said? Your prayer coordinator undresses me with his eyes each time he sees me.
Iwa: Maybe if you’re not dressed to kill each time. You would receive more comfortable looks from people.
Ire: Comfortable looks indeed. Your church has a problem. Your men wear the latest styles and your women look dull. You need to leave that place.
Bolu: Well, Iwa, you are welcome to join our church too.
“I can’t wait till Saturday to watch your show.” I smiled as I took a sip of my drink. “Your presence is already making a difference.”
Iwa: Just because your church has all the different sizes doesn’t make it perfect. It’s a large city filled with strangers.
Ire: I know. I get lost in her church. It’s too big.
Iwa: I can’t stay in a big church. It’s like going to the mall.
“I tell you guys, a big church can be as small as you want it.” I responded. “I see it as an opportunity to make lots of good Christian friends.
Ire: And lots of good Christian enemies, tee, hee, hee.
Iwa: I like a church where everybody knows each other and cares for one another
Funso: Derbrah, where do you fellowship?
I told her.
Dēbhōrah: Yes, that is a big church
“Why do you guys fellowship?” I inquired.
Bolu: We all go to separate churches.
Funso listed the churches they attend.
Iwa: See Ire, three new options for you.
Just then we heard a voice call, “The Exs, right here without charge. What a blessing.” A man dressed in male buba and sokoto walked up to our table and greeted the Exs warmly. Before he left he stated; “I just want to thank you ladies for being such a blessing. Your boldness has turned my marriage around. My wife is now happy all the time. Her cooking has improved. Her house cleaning is superb and she’s even talking about starting a family. Thank you.”
“I’m a little disappointed I am just meeting you guys today.” I stated. “I could have referred you to many others before now. Well, thank God we met today.”
Ire: Maybe if you had met them, you would not have had a divorce eh?
“I still would have.” I shook my head. “God was not in that marriage. I just didn’t know it. I was seduced and bound by lying spirits. Even if it had been twenty years from now, I would still have divorced.”
Iwa: That’s one other trend nowadays. People divorcing after many years of marriage. I think it’s despicable.
Dēbhōrah: It’s the foundation. When lies, immaturity and selfishness are the foundation of any relationship, the building it creates collapses.
Bolu: I have to give it to my parents. They are very good fakers. They faked it to the end.
Ire: But their lies affected you. You were abused by your own father. Sweet Jesus! What was he thinking?
Bolu: He wasn’t.
“You know, of all the evils my biological father did to me and my siblings” I began, “I have to declare that I am thankful to God and to him that he did not molest me. With the kind of mind set I had, I think something like that would have ran me insane.”
Bolu: I was praying for lightning to strike my father dead.
Ire: Where is he now,
Nigeria
?
Bolu: He passed on two years ago.
Funso: He died saved. We led him to the Lord.
Iwa: God’s love is so amazing. The stone that the builders rejected has become the chief headstone. You that he hated and violated now became the vessel to prepare him for eternal glory.
“That reminds me of someone in my bloodline.” I put in. “I was told his dad did not really like him, so when the missionaries went from house to house asking people to send their children to school. He was sent. Well, the missionaries educated him and he ended up holding a reputable position in the society. That now made his father proud of him and make him his favorite son. When they told me the story it reminded me of that verse you quoted.”
Bolu: I am still working with my mother though. She hasn’t recovered from the effect of living with an abuser. Little things still trigger her depression.
Dēbhōrah: She has post traumatic stress disorder
Ire: Everybody has PTSD. What’s new?
Funso: I know. The way mental illness is diagnosed nowadays, everybody is mentally ill.
Bolu: They told me I had fibromyalgia
Iwa: I was supposed to have a dependent personality disorder.
Ire: I say all those diagnosis are people just having a bad day. There’s nothing like mental illness. It’s either excessive stress or demonic attack.
“I disagree. There are mental illnesses.” I stressed. “I admit there may be people who present fake symptoms but there are real trauma–related mental issues. A member of my extended family lost his mother when he was two years old. That’s traumatic! I don’t think he ever recovered from it. There is an enemy of all humans, the Devil and he is very real. He steals, kills and destroys. Also, we live in physical bodies with evil desires, sinful lusts and ungodly tendencies. We have to kill, deaden or mortify our carnal desires daily.
Bolu: I agree with you. But then, some trauma are unjustifiable. My dad had no business touching me. I don’t care if he blames one witch or wizard, mental illness or insanity. He knew what he was doing and he knew it was wrong. That’s wickedness and it should be dealt with!
Ire: Did he ever explain why he did it?
Bolu: No. But then, I never asked. I got married about two months after the horrific experience and left
Nigeria
. I did not see him or speak with him for ten years. When I did see him, I went with my friends and I told him he was forgiven. We shared the gospel with him. He got saved and that was it.
Iwa: What about your mother?
Bolu: She got saved much earlier. However, she still blames herself. It gets better every year though.
Funso: My brother was trying to get cured for his blood disease. He was told sleeping with a virgin would cure his disease.
Ire: What! I thought I had heard it all. Where did he get that from?
Dēbhōrah: In a spiritually conscious society like
Nigeria
, many are deceived under the guise of religion. But then, like Bolu said, some are just plain wicked. Like my uncle. His excuse was he could not help himself. I was too beautiful. I provoked him. He couldn’t get me out of his head, blah, blah, blah.
“How old were you when it happened?” I inquired.
Dēbhōrah: Seventeen.
Iwa: I wonder if that qualifies for statutory rape.
Dēbhōrah: This happened in
Nigeria
. There’s nothing like statutory rape.
Ire: That’s another reason why evil continues from generation to generation. No justice!
Funso: I’m sure
Nigeria
has laws to deal with rape regardless of the age of the perpetrator or victim. I think the main problem is having our laws enforced. Nobody bells the cat.
Bolu: Money talks too. Many cats were ‘unbelled’ because of poverty. People who can barely afford three square meals a day cannot begin to think of lawyer fees. If the…
The voice of Goke cut through Bolu’s sentence. “Hello ladies. Iwa, Derbrah, hi now?”
We all returned his greeting. I asked after Ifẹ, Goke’s daughter and he responded warmly. As Goke left, I turned to Iwa and said.
“So you’re still not going to give him a chance?”
Iwa: Derbrah, I don’t see myself being a wife yet, talk less of a mother.
Ire: So that’s the Goke. Iwa, he looks nice. Ki loun se ẹ? (What’s wrong with you?) Give it a go girl.
Iwa: When I am ready, I will be ready. You or Derbrah can’t force me.
Funso: Is he a Christian?
Iwa: He is a Christian, but that’s not the issue. The issue is with me. I can’t be responsible for another life right now. Moreso his child is a girl. She’s going to pattern her life after mine. I barely got out of the woods. I don’t think I’m skilled enough to be a forest guide.
Bolu: Then follow your heart. No rush, no pressure.
Ire: There should be no self-doubt and fear either. Go out on a date. You may change your mind afterwards
Iwa: Won ni ohun tenia o ba ni jẹ, ki fi runmi (What one would not eat, one does not smell).
“I hear you loud and clear, Iwa.” I replied. “I respect your decision.”
The waiter that took Goke’s order stopped by our table and proclaimed “Ladies, that gentleman over there just paid your meal.”
“Such a gentleman.” I whispered. “I love generous men. What a blessing.”
Ire: Yes, he is thoughtful. He will make a good husband and a fabulous father.
Dēbhōrah: I am convinced he would. He is courteous. Let’s invite him to our show.
Iwa: He’s busy Saturday night. Maybe another time.
Ire: How come you know his schedule?
Iwa: We are still friends. Is that forbidden?
Ire: Won ni o jẹ, olegungun ni, won ni o muwa, o lẹran die wanbẹ (He was asked to eat it, he said it was a bone, he was asked to give it away, he said it contains some meat).
Iwa: Iwọ lo mọ (only you knows). We are praying about it. Things will work out.
Continued in part 4.
Derbrah writes courtesy of Agape for All Ministries. Author retains copyright.
Jadesọla’s restaurant is a drama ministry of the Yoruba Christian Women (YCW), an international faith-based non-governmental, not-for-profit organization. Similarity of names and stories are coincidental. Feel free to copy for non-commercial use. Commercial use requires permission. For more information on YCW write Jesutoyin Ajikẹ-King (toyinking@yahoo.com).
|
Posted by Robot| 10.10.2007 09:14