Strange, what goes on in this Pepper Soup Joints! I never liked them one bit, maybe because l was never good at Beer and worse still, Pepper Soup sounds like punishment for me.

So, when someone flagged me to have a sit with him while l was passing-by his usual “Beer Junction”, l was full of trepidation; I would be late to get home and since everyone in a Beer joint seems to be a “Professor” at virtually every endeavour, the arguments can be as loud as they are pointed.

Me: I thought its better to spend your evenings with your family instead of hanging out with “Old Boys” in this place?

The Friend (MF): You don’t know anything, you are missing a lot by not joining us here, this is where we articulate and plan the economic policies of Nigeria.

Me: Don’t make me laugh; is this place the FEC (Federal Executive Council) or what? You guys only drink Beer, Sip that peppery stuff with strong aroma and eat some Beef, abi?

M.F: Beef, God forbid, over here, we only eat the Cow’s-Tail and best Isi-ewu Goat Head. Beef is for small children. Moreover, the food is just something to “fill-in-the gaps” when you are in deep thought and doing ‘serious thinking’ before putting forward your “defence-argument” of a lifetime! Unlike people outside, here, we think before we talk!! But in-between, a few sips of hot pepper soup and Beer, to-wash.

Me: So what is the “hot topic” today and why are those ones arguing in such a loud tone?

MF: Aaaah, did you not hear it, The President has brought-in Shigidi of Okija Shrine or is it Sango sef, for all Aso Rock workers to swear by!

Me: See, see? See what Beer does to your Brain? Sango kooo, Satan niii.

MF: I swear by Sango, what am saying is true, we have it on good authority, that the swearing was even administered by an Abuja High Court judge!

Me: Which good authority is that? You people are always spreading rumours after an excessive dosage of “cow-anus” and that dangerously-bitter concoction called Beer.

MF: Seriously, my “sources within the Aso Rock” just phoned me that they were all made to do a kind of “Blood oath” and he is even not sure what the punishment for disclosure might be, may be sudden death. I told him it’s likely to be a very slow and painful death if not, maybe someone will go mad publicly!

Me: Rumours... Rumours...Rumours!! How come this your “Aso Rock Source” is not afraid and is already talking about the same “Aso Rock secrets” that the Oath of secrecy is supposed to prevent? Is your source not afraid?

MF: My ‘source’ is not only afraid for his life o, but he is wondering why they have to force everyone to “swear an oath” including the small-small boys like gatemen and cooks? My ‘source’ even said that all the Big Men in Aso Rock were forced to swear to the “Shigidi thing”!

Me: But “Oath of secrecy” is a normal thing, it has been in practice since Governments have been in place. Its just to ensure that government classified secrets are not divulged to just anybody. I don’t see anything wrong in that? Its just a promise not to tell.

MF: So, if your Boss asked to come and swear in your office, would you?

Me: Personally, as a Christian, my faith demands me not to swear by anything on earth or by the heavens. My faith commands that l should “Let my YES be YES and my No be No”. No, I will not swear. Christians don’t swear.

MF: See, that’s what we are saying; nobody should force or threaten anyone to swear by some diabolical idol! Even the “Special Assistant on Media and Publicity  to the President” is a “Redeemed Christian” and he was forced to swear by “Sango”, is that fair?

Me: I guess it has to do with the “weight” of the information they are trying to protect, you know, like National security? Even in court, they swear by the Bible or Koran! I guess they just want to scare them into muteness or prepare a platform for the eventual arrest of whoever is squealing among them.

MF: See you, ‘muumuu’ like you. What kind of National security information does the “gateman” at Aso Rock know? Except maybe he can identify every time they bring a Juju-man or Marabout into Aso Rock? Even when they steal money, he cant know since the boot of their SUV is big enough to conceal it. So why force those kind of innocent boys to swear to SangOkija? When has it now become a crime to say exactly what you see? Are we back to the Abacha days?

Me: I cant really think of a reason yet but maybe the President is not even aware of this kind of happenings within his house. Someone has to inform him.

MF: You are completely ignorant of what is going on in this country. That’s why l recommend that you attend our “evening classes” in this Beer Joint. My “sources at Aso Rock” told me its because of the President’s illness.

Me: What has that one go to do with an oath of secrecy to Sango or whatever you call it?

MF: He says its like when the President coughs, somebody somewhere will relay the amount of “Saliva and Sputum” in the cough, in exact proportions, to the Newspaper Publications! Its really getting the Presido scared and annoyed. Cant you see the speed with which that Channels TV was locked down, fast-fast? See, l have another gist which my source at Aso Rock is about to confirm for me.

Me: This your “source at Aso Rock” must really be a squealer, a classical case of “Kiss and Tell”. Its people like him that push Aso Rock into bringing “Okija Oath” to the Presidency. You people are supposed o be praying for his health instead of all these loose talk. And this your other gist, what is it about?

MF: What do you mean, cant people express themselves? Why should the Presidents health be a secret? Is he not our “Big Daddy”? Or if your own father is ill, would you want it hidden from you? Did you not hear of that truism that says “He, who keeps quiet, will shoulder his problems by himself, till the end”? A lot of Nigerians are willing to proffer solutions to his problem if only he will stop hiding it. Sometimes, they say he has “Catarrh”, some times, they say it is some fanciful grammar like “Straus Straus Syndrome”, at times they say it is Liver or Kidney Problem, how do we pray for someone when we don’t even know his problem? Okay, you tell me, why was the President not represented at the United Nations, like other Presidents? Even Iran’s Almedinajad spoke at that meeting in New York!

Me: I thought it was said he couldn’t attend due to state functions like “Cabinet re-shuffle”? 

MF: Uh-huun, so where is the Promised re-shuffle that was slated for Wednesday 24^th Sept.? I tell you, its just the “sharks” who have taken the President hostage that are manipulating the whole nation. As long as the President is ill, they will continue to have a filled-day, like they themselves are the President. They would not even allow the man to resign and take care of his health. Wicked Sharks, they are the one that should be taken to “Okija Shrine” to swear that they are not serving their own selfish interest.

Me: Anyway, don’t worry yourself about this “Oath of Shigidi or Okija” as you call it, very soon, the FOI Bill will be passed and even people like us who don’t come to Beer joint can get the information we want without your “Aso Rock Sources”

MF: Don’t fool yourself, that Bill will NEVER be passed.

ME: And why are you so sure of that?

MF: This people in government and their types in the National Assembly are too compromised in their shady deals to allow the Bill to Pass. They are so afraid they think it will expose all their shady deals. Imagine that you who is not a disciple of this our “Evening school” can just sit in your office and get all the information for free while we have to pay for our Beer and Sizzling soup, just to put those information on the table? Wont you over-load your head with free internet information or did you not read it in your secondary school textbook that information is power? And who wants to give power to ordinary people like you?

Me: They don’t need to give us power, Power belongs to the people”, ab initio. Anyway, l am late for home, what is that other gist you mentioned, about?

MF: My “Aso Rock” Source has asked me to swear an “Oath of Okija and Sango” rolled into one, not to discuss it until he can verify the information properly?

Me: Even you too had to swear an Oath to “SangOkija”? Na wa O. Where will this end?

MF: Don’t worry, just pop-in here on your way back from work next time and you will be the first to hear “Broken News”.

Me: Broken News indeed, I swear by “Shhhhhhhaangokija!…..

Robot  # 1 | 24.09.2008 23:05

...Read the full article.

10Kobo  # 2 | 25.09.2008 10:51

Walahi, laugh go kill parson for dis NVS! I guess there are more "things" that go on in this "Pepper Soup Broadast" joints than meets the eye. But then, if "news" is not forthcoming from authentic official quarters or if all we get from such quarters, if anything at all, are mis-information, then I guess a new "News Station" called "Beer & Pepper Soup TV has just been given birth to. Broking News: :D:D:D....Happy Viewing!:D 10Kobo

blooming_i  # 3 | 25.09.2008 11:34

=10Kobo;273783>Walahi, laugh go kill parson for dis NVS! I guess there are more "things" that go on in this "Pepper Soup Broadast" joints than meets the eye. But then, if "news" is not forthcoming from authentic official quarters or if all we get from such quarters, if anything at all, are mis-information, then I guess a new "News Station" called "Beer & Pepper Soup TV has just been given birth to. Broking News: :D:D:D....Happy Viewing!:D 10Kobo You may be surprised to get authentic news from these places since those who are supposed to enlighten us are either busy stealing or redundant. Well, I guess they came up with this "swear an oath" crap to cover their derriere.