For quite a while now I have been able to keep the badinages between my alter ego and I free from political indices but he cornered me the other day and again challenged me to our one-time theme, “what would I do to better Nigeria, if I were the president?” I had assumed we were long done with this theme but my alter ego, apparently, had a different opinion. These alter egos! I don’t know about yours but mine can be very challenging a times, always scheming to stay one pace or two ahead of me!

“Chi,” he said to me, “no doubt, yours has been the most outstanding first hundred-days-in-office that could be ascribed to any president this nation has had till date. In only one hundred days you have been able to bring all the different peoples of Nigeria together and made them realize that they share a common destiny. You have made them to appreciate the fact that they belong to the same family despite their ethnic differences, and that Nigeria, their only true home, belongs to all of them on equal basis.

“Above all, you have made them see how great a people they could be if only they would cherish, respect and trust each other, thereby enabling themselves to fully exploit their potentials, wow! But this is only the ground tilled,” he said, “this, certainly, cannot be all it would take to make Nigeria a better place, what about sowing the seeds? If I remember well, the last time we discussed this issue, you told me you had extremely plausible solutions to issues like, security, welfare, food, education and infrastructure. Can you expatiate on that claim?”

“Well, ae, you know you suck sometimes,” I told him. “You know as much as I do that the last thing I want is to be embroiled in these political issues, but you keep coming up with this your stupid, if-I-were-the-president, idea. Who wants to be the president of that 4k’n dystopia anyway?” “Hey, mind your language chi,” he retorted, “no need to be mad at me at all. Nobody wants you to be the president, just pretend like you did last time, that’s all, jus pretend.”

“Okay, okay, you win again. Let me just pretend. Now after my unprecedented first-hundred-days achievement, my next priority would be to secure the achievements so far and more to come. I shall create a security system that would effectively enforce the law and optimally protect the citizenry.” “Huu, that sounds like one of your dreams again, how do you intend to do that?” he pried

“Very easy,” I said, “I would set up a highly professional police force that would measure up to the best police forces in the world, equipped with state of the art gadgets and technology. But first of all, I shall change the present frightening appearance of the constables to a more citizen friendly one. The material and colour of a new uniform shall be chosen and designed, among other qualities, to suit our climate and lend a stately dignity to the officers.

“This will run simultaneously with the process of raising the qualification for joining the police force to a minimum of high school graduation or equivalent while gradually phasing out unqualified personnel that cannot cope with the demands and academic training of a modern and highly professional police force. Those phased out would be redeployed in other fields where they would be more productive. For starters, I shall raise the minimum police wage, just like all other civil services’, to at least 720.000 Naira per annum, i.e., 60.000 Naira per month.

“Furthermore, I shall abolish the colonial style mass incarceration of our security forces in sordid and unkempt barracks. Only a sizable number of police units would be stationed in well-organised and tidy quarters in times of emergency for the period they are mobilized, otherwise, the police personnel would be accommodated among the civil populace, where they would be expected to live exemplarily – one important aspect of their training – to enhance better integration.”

“Wow! This sounds quite plausible to me,” he said, “I believe that a police guy who is paid well enough to afford his personal needs and care for his family reasonably would be less susceptible to bribery and corruption. Instead of asking a motorist to pay-pass he would ask for his papers. Obviously, with such restructuring exercises as you mentioned the Nigerian police could live up to expectations, but what about such other areas like education, infrastructure, etc?” “Let’s talk about those some other time, ae. Meanwhile, I am going to solicit the opinion of the villagers in the square.” “Oh no, Chi, don’t, don’t, don’t do that, don’t do that ……..!         

Robot  # 1 | 07.09.2006 07:38

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