Buhari, Am I Fantastically Corrupt?/

They now say I am fantastically corrupt. Is this true or not? Fantastically corrupt! I know I am corrupt but am I fantastically corrupt? Are they right to say I am fantastically corrupt? Even if I am fantastically corrupt, is it right for my eldest son to agree with them? Is it right for my ducky son to go to Igilandi (na wood we dey gather together) to shame me to the world?

Corrupt yes, my children at the helm of my affairs are corrupt, but fantastically corrupt? I think Muhammadu my son shouldn’t have agreed – to David’s choice of word.  Does Muhammadu hate me that much? Whose interest is he serving? Is this not the same Muhammadu who once said that Sani, my other lunatic son did not steal my wealth? Double talk?

Common, I do know about what they call diplomacy. Why did he choose not to be diplomatic! How can a thief call you a thief and all you could say is yes, it is true.  Why should someone who assist you in thieving call you a thief in front of the world and all you could do is accept his fantastically corrupt verdict.

Muhammadu should have replied David: No be your great-great grandfathers taught us how to be fantastically corrupt! No be Igilandi we dey carry all the corrupt money go? So who be fantastically corrupt?

This Muhammadu is not smart at all. If na my other ducky son – Hum, if na Segun, my only Sege.  Baba Iyabo fun ra e. Omo buruku fun ra e. Brutal as he is, arrogant as Segun is, even dishonest and cocky as Segun is, he won’t be so silly. No, Segun won’t be so devoid of wisdom and good sense as not to know the effective way of protecting my image in the comity of nations.

Does Muhammadu love himself more than the family? What is he trying to portray? What is he trying to prove? That he is the only righteous Nigerian around?  Otherwise he should have reminded David or what is he call again. He should have reminded them that it is they that started corruption – whether fantastically or not.

 This is a lesson to all my children around the globe. You don’t need to prove anything to anybody. You don’t need to defend anything. Let them say whatever they want. But never feel guilty. Anytime they come as righteous, just tell them the history of corruption. Because it actually comes and starts from them. Fantastically corrupt, hehe.

Muhammadu should have known better than let David got away with such loud and confused and empty talk. Because that is what it is. Honestly, my son shouldn’t have said much. All he should have done is remind David about his antecedent. How it all began.

Oh, Muhammadu, why do you hate me so much because you want to prove self righteousness? I wouldn’t even mind if “fantastically corrupt” is said by an upright fellow and not hypocrite like David and his antecedent.

Muhammadu, were you not managing my affairs when Umaru Dikko and other prodigal children took and squandered my wealth in the same Igilandi? Were you not the one who wanted to smuggle them home before the yeye David’s blood family foiled the attempt? You should have known better. And you should have reminded David. And that’s where you goofed. You should have talked true to that yeye David.  But instead you allowed your hatred to cloud your reasoning. Muhammadu, do you really love me? Do you really love your siblings?

Muhammadu, have you changed? What are you afraid of? Why did you allow little David to define your mother? Why do you allow your enemy to be your spokesperson? Why do you allow the wish of the enemy to be your wish?  

Another lesson for all my children around the globe is this: Never let anyone define you. How could you allow someone who is as guilty as you proclaim you guilty and all you could say is yes? No, don’t let them define you.

Muhammadu, what was in your mind when that good-for -nothing reporter asked you this question: Is your mama fantastically corrupt and you answered yes. What exactly was in your mind? Honestly it was a perfect opportunity for you to talk true to the world. It was a Divined moment to tell the world the hypocrisy of the British government.

But your self-hatred, your self-righteousness took hold of you and you missed the opportunity to tell it as it is. You want them to see you as Mr. Clean to the detriment of your siblings. And so you left the truth out.

When that Iya Agba reporter asked your reaction about David calling your mama fantastically corrupt and you said “Well, he’s been honest about it. He’s talking about what he knows. I can’t fault him about it”

No, he was not being honest but ridiculing you and your people – unnecessarily. How many times have you or your siblings talk about Briatain like that?

Muhammadu listen to me. Britain is as corrupt as Nigeria. Well, may be in different ways. The different perhaps is the legal system. And I am not here defending myself. It is just the way it is.  

Oh, Muhammadu, you should have told that winking David the truth nothing but the truth. Mr. David Elenugboro (basket mouth) why is it that it is Igilandi which received all the corrupt money? Oh I see. You’re being diplomatic! Abi? How I wished you talked true to this David Basketmouth. Muhammadu, were you timid?

You should have told them that they looted Nigeria dry. All our money was taken to Igilandi. So why did they allow Nigerian thieves in their country? Yes Nigeria is corrupt, but they must stop abetting Nigerian criminals who keep banking our money with them.

Ah Muhammadu, abi you don forget say the way you call your calabash na so dem go help you call am. Fantastically corrupt? Yes Britain is fantastically corrupt. Na me talk am. Period