You will agree with me that some of our Naija men do not know how to toast a Naija girl. Some of their approach and mannerism can be so backward and unpolished that you wouldn't blame some Naija girls for blowing them off.  I don’t mean to exaggerate here, but I think 7 out 10 Naija men don’t know how to captivate a Naija girl, and keep her interested long enough for her to resolve to date him instantly. It is not all about sex you know? There is more to a man and woman than just sex... there is something called relationship- which some men do not care to develop.

Honestly, I think most Naija men lack the romantic spark, especially when it comes to courting a Naija girl. But then, when it comes to courting an African American, or some chic other than a Naija girl, you see the same Naija man doing all the fine, fine things just to woo the woman.. So why wouldn't Naija girls fumble?

The irritating thing about dating a Naija man, for me, is that, they lie too much. The last Naija guy I dated was so deceptive, I nearly called the Immigration officer to send his ass back home to Nigeria.  But I would not do such a thing, because that would also make me just as bad.

I cannot stand the lies some Naija men tell to sustain their goal of getting something out of the girl they professed to love. Some would promise to take the girl out to heaven, and marry her, as soon the times comes, but the times doesn’t seem to come, as the girl would wait, and wait, and wait, for him to fulfill his promises.

Why would any girl in her right mind care to talk to a person of such thinking, or one that looks like him? And, jokes aside, some Naija men also come on too strong; almost like it is their God given right to have the girl. Some of the annoying trait of some Naija men is what they do to woo a Naija girl. When you like a girl, take her out, cultivate something called a relationship- it doesn’t always have to be an expensive restaurant. How about taking a walk, or developing a friendship? How about  pricking her mind to find out what she is like, find out more about her, what she likes, and don’t like.  If you then want to take her out, how about the art gallery, museums, or somewhere like the park, or concert. Must you take her to your house the first time, like some Naija men often do?

I think it is so unromantic to think that the easiest way to entice a girl is by inviting her to your house the first time? Come, on! Even in Nigeria, men don't rush their girls. Have you forgotten that you have to take the girl and her friends out before she even decide to visit your house alone?

I am not bashing the men here; I know there are good Naija men out there who do their best to win a girl’s heart, because they care, and sometimes often do not get the girl. I am talking about some of the men who think that by asking a girl or taking her out, necessitate her to reciprocate by spending time with him in his house.

Wale, you must agree that our Naija men have to step up the game and treat our Naija women as good as they do the African American girl, or a white girl. I know of a few here in the U.S that goes out of their way to please an American woman. In fact, there is a young Naija man right now that is currently still married with an African American woman that treats him like a rag. The funny thing is that the woman has children that might not be his. One child for sure is not his, given that, the girl is mixed- that is, his father is white or somewhere between, and this Naija is certainly not a white man, or mixed.  Honestly, I can empathize with this young man, given that he went through some painful emotional turmoil.  The problem with his kind is that, if this woman were a Naija woman, his family would do everything to dissolve that marriage.  In fact, they would call her all sorts of names, and may even think that she is using voodoo to keep him, for him to tolerate her behavior.

Wale, I’m sure the reason your wife took 13 months to date and eventually agreed to marry you was that, you finally got it right the 13th month. You must have genuinely, and finally, expressed something pure within you to captivate her. So, what ‘am I saying? Our men need to stop playing this game of foolishness and start acting real. Naija men play too much, and often forget to treat Naija women as good as they would a white woman, or an African American woman.  Although, the trend is now changing, but it is at a snail pace. To me, it doesn’t matter who you marry; what matter is that you treat your woman with respect and don’t take rubbish either.

A Naija woman would not fumble, if his man is genuine, and truthfully wants her- even when it is a short relationship.  If you don’t like a woman, tell her. If you are not interested in a long term relationship, tell her.  If a woman is coming on too strong for you, and because of that, you think, you should lie to her, please tell her. Women usually know when a man is genuine, but unfortunately, some don’t, so it would be nice that the man express his intentions. What every good woman wants is a genuine and honest man- I am sure the same expectation goes for the men.  Money is not everything you know. Yes, I know there are vain women out there who think money is everything, but that is not true with all Naija women.         

Take the young man that I mentioned here, I knew him the second year I arrived U.S.A, when I was so single.  When I first met him, he said, he was not married. He said he moved from Maryland to start a new chapter. Then I found out that he is, really legally married, and has not only two kids, but four. Before the lies, I felt sorry for him, and thought I should give him some trial. But when I discovered that he was lying, and had allowed the said woman access to his house, I cut him off completely and changed my phone number.

At the recent independence day celebration, I saw him- and he looks like he is doing well, but then, I think he is psychologically scared... given that the woman went outside again to bring in another child that isn't his. This time, as I listen to his sad tale, I did not feel sorry for him, rather I felt like slapping the stupor out of him- especially for filling my ears with his rubbish tale about the hell he endured in that hands of his African American wife.

So Wale, there are lot of Yeye Naija men, and if there is anything that might make a Naija girl fumble, it is that some Naija men lie too much, and are usually are not straight forward.

Robot  Villager

# 1 Naija men do not know how to toast a girl. Our Naija men's way of toasting a lady can be so backw...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 15.10.2006 20:16

Alake  Villager

# 2 Naija men over to you, we are waiting for your comments on this interesting article. Wonder why none of our men have given their opinion yet. Posted by Alake| 15.10.2006 21:00

Naija for life  Villager

# 3 Blessing, my sister, I hear you. Make you no mind other Naija men jare. Me I be different Naija man. I be real romantic. I believe in love sotay after I fall in love with you, I go fall out of love on purpose so that I go fit fall in love with you again. By the way, what is a nice looking girl like you doing in a forum like this? Do you come here often? And were you born looking this beatiful or did you have to take classes for it? Make you no worry, Blessing. I am the kpomo in your ogbono soup, the bush meat in your stew, the water in your coconut. If you jam pothole, na me be the sand wey go fill am. If you get flat tire, na me be the wrench wey go change am. Abeg make you no mind other Naija men wey no get sweet mouth jare. Anything you want I go give you. Candlelight dinner ke? Make you no worry. Them don papa cut my light. Na only candlelight I kuku get for my apartment sef. Anytime you want Naija man wey ready to wait before e wan drink your sweet juice, make you just know say my love dey here kampe dey erupt like mount krakatoa. Posted by Naija for life| 15.10.2006 21:15

Aisha  Villager

# 4 Hi Blessing: I do see your point of view on a few issues. (definitely not all). However, without going into the content per se, I would suggest doing a GRAMMAR and spelling check before posting your articles. No offense whatsoever, but it would serve to make your writing easier to follow. Cheers, and keep on writing! Posted by Aisha| 15.10.2006 21:17

tengallons  Villager

# 5 Hm! Dis matter serious O. For those who really, really need toasting help, in addition to the fine suggestions in this thread, you may want to look at the Oct. 10 issue of (the online version of) The Christian Science Monitor. There is an article there on a "Cassanova Class" offered by a charm school in New York. It traces the stories of three men -- all seeking to woo women better -- who pay $1600.00 for the 3-day course. On a per-hour basis, That is some serious tuition! There may be cultural differences, but hey, the end justifies the means. Happy macking! (The link: http://www.csmonitor.com/2006/1010/p20s01-lign.html ) Posted by tengallons| 15.10.2006 22:57

tatafo  Villager

# 6 =Aisha;134486>Hi Blessing: I do see your point of view on a few issues. (definitely not all). However, without going into the content per se, I would suggest doing a GRAMMAR and spelling check before posting your articles. No offense whatsoever, but it would serve to make your writing easier to follow. Cheers, and keep on writing! I'm not sure what the point is here... please what was hard to follow about the writing Aisha. You state in one breath that you see her point of view and you disagree with some. And yet, “..without going into the content per se...� THE NEXT THING WE HEAR FROM YOU IS THE NEED FOR A GRAMMER AND SPELL CHECK. Please will people just leave off correcting other people's grammar and focus on the issues raised... If you cant read the grammar posted on any thread, kindly move unto other threads that are filled with verbose grammar and correct syntax. There are really no language rules on NVS. Posted by tatafo| 15.10.2006 23:27

omodudu  Villager

# 7 Well written wesponse. Posted by omodudu| 16.10.2006 00:29

katampe  Villager

# 8 I was just looking at him, wondering if I should feel sorry for him or slap him for telling me all that rubbish about what he is going through in the hands of an African American woman. Blessing, I hear you. If I be you I for daze the guy slap.He suppose wake up to reality. But, one quick info , I hear say jandon boys perform better.Yankee na all comers affair and boys and gals for yankee no too polished. Fine boys plenty for Jand.But they go take you play football. I liked your article, you spoke from the heart and in a conversational tone. And that's commendable. Posted by katampe| 16.10.2006 00:36

Unregistre  Villager

# 9 Blessing; Your article is full of contradictions; How can you make the remark below "In fact, I cannot remember the last time, I dated a Naija man. This is not to say that I do not like my Nigerian men. They have not asked me out for a drink." at the same time claim that naija mem do not know how to toast naija babes or better still they put on a better show toasting A.A. babes than naija babes. if they never asked you out for a drink, one takes it to mean that they are not toasting you either so how did you come to the conclusion that they do not know how to toast babes, or are you trying to generalize naija men based on the few experience you claimed to have encountered nine years ago? The facts highlighted by Wale was not denied by any babe so far, so what is the point trying to reverse the issue? There is absolutely no harm about a guy inviting you to his house be it after the first meeting or the tenth meeting; it is left for you to decide whether to honour such invitation or not. This ain't going to become another battle of the sexes, but suffice it to say that if you can not remember the last time a naija man toasted you, then you are one wrong person to tell how good or bad naija men are in the game. My sister a word of advice; go back and take a look at the mirror and see if you need a change starting from the girl in the mirror, and stop deceiving yourself that the problem is with the naija man who has conquared babes fom the north pole all the way to the south pole. Posted by Unregistre| 16.10.2006 02:07

Abraxas  Villager

# 10 Hi, Señorita Blessing Otobo! What is wrong or bad about SEX? Please enlighten me, quick-quick. Muchas gracias, mi hermana. Don Juan Carlos ABRAXAS (III) Posted by Abraxas| 16.10.2006 07:32

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