Blessed By Money

In the holy name of Dollar, in the mighty name of Euro, may the blessings of Money never depart from us. May we never fall prey to the evil emptiers of Bank Accounts. Brothers and sisters, it does gladden my heart this day as I give this sermon to see so many who have been blessed by the Holy Presence of Money. Money is with us all brothers and sisters and we shall dwell in Luxury with all the good things that Cash can buy for all the days of our lives. A-money.  

Brothers and sisters, from the day we are born we need Money but for those who truly believe, the blessings of Money are never more than a hand's reach away. It is the miracle of Our Money's presence that makes Heaven here on Earth for all the blessed believers. And when we finally leave the holy Shopping Malls and internet Shopping Portals of this world, we shall proceed onwards to the everlasting bliss of a Paradise where our Bank Accounts are never in the red and all we can think of that is good to own is in the Market waiting to be bought.

Dearly beloved, the lesson for today will be a reminder of how evil is never far from us: The more faithfully we follow the blessed path of the Money-maker, the more fervent the blandishments of the satanic redistributor of Wealth will be. The evil one tries to mislead with arguments in favour of taking from the Blessed Rich and giving to the accursed poor.  It presents irelevant historic as well as scientific facts to support blasphemy. Brothers and sisters, a Holy Profit from the age of revealation said that a believer must use what he has to get what he wants.

This is known as the Golden Rule.

Yet the enemy of Money would have us believe that because all were not created with the same capabilities and opportunities, some will need assistance to make their ways through life.

There is a simple reply to this depraved idea brothers and sisters. A reply easily comprehended by all who understand the Holy Ways of Money. To quote the greatest of the Holy Profits, "Where is the profit for a man who invests money in buying food that another man will eat?"

Brothers and sisters, where is the profit in paying to educate the accursed poor's children or, paying taxes that will be used to build roads, hospitals and other infastructure that can be used for free by individuals who refuse to earn enough to pay taxes?

Deacons will now pass through the aisles. Pay your tithes into the baskets that they hold...

Let us lift up our heads,  hold up our wallets and pray :

Our Money who art in the Bank
Hallowed be thine denomination
Thy peak value comes
Thy will be done in the Mall
As it is in the small Shop
Give us this day our daily Dividends
And forgive our bad Investment choices
As we forgive those who returned less than 200% net Profit
Lead us not into bankruptcy
Deliver us from Financial stagnation
For thine is the Cash register
The pocket and the wallet
Forever and ever

As you all leave this luxurious hall to drive to your mansions in your high-spec automobiles, may the quiet comfort of a pocket bulging with high denomination Currency go with you all brothers and sisters. May your peace of mind never be disturbed with thoughts of overdue bills. A-money.