Female Insecurities

Every human being has insecurities. No one is perfect. This is not a crime, or we would all be up for some form of punishment. The extent of our insecurities however differs from one person to the other.  Speaking generally, men and women behave and think differently, insecurities can arise for both. Also, everyone benefits from compliments; sincere ones have the potential to move relationships at any level forward and to build trust and security.

Some of us have small insecurities while others have whoppers. The problem however is not so much with our insecurities, but with how we manage them.

Most women, no matter how they present themselves to the outside world, have a few nagging insecurities - especially when it comes to dating. Indeed, the dating world can be rough, and while men also have their share of insecurities, they tend to stress about very different things. 

Women tend to worry a lot when it comes to dating or being in a relationship.  Some of these worries include: the fear that the man may not ring her after a date, the fear that the man just wants to sleep with her, there is also the fear or insecurity that the man is dating another woman.

Sometimes, as a woman, I think men have an insatiable urge to look at and want other women different from their wives or partners. They don't seem to be satisfied with the looks of one woman.  Unfortunately, every time they steal a glance at another woman, to the knowledge of their own woman, the feelings of envy and insecurity run wild in the heads of their women.  However, our anxiety and insecurity about our looks evoke a number of points. The first is that attraction and chemistry between two people is seldom comprised exclusively of facial features or body dimensions.

The 'beauty is in the eyes of the beholder' truism dictates that physical appeal cannot be reduced to a science or logic.  This is common for young men who are seeking a partner.  To them good looks are all too frequently top priority items. Ironically, the end product of their search which, in my opinion, belies any approximation to what they initially insisted they must have. It proves to me over and over again, that an objective definition of beauty is as elusive as reducing the essence of all people to one given formula. Beyond any doubt, the saying "different strokes for different folks" rings true every time.

Aside from the physical attributes of women, there are the unquantifiable components of personality - attitudes, sense of humor, spirit, vivaciousness, body language, refinement, character, etc - these are all major factors in the definition of looks, although not readily visible to the naked eye until a deeper knowledge of each other takes place.  Indeed, these attributes should give those who possess them some level of security.

Consider the common experience of a first impression, the initial glimpse of a person who at first blush may strike us as less than beautiful, but after greater exposure and expanded knowledge of the person we cannot even remember how we could have thought him or her to be anything but captivating.

The reverse is true as well, that of a physically striking individual whose appeal totally disappears as we come to realize that they are bereft of heart, soul, personality or brains!

Sometimes, the way we handle our insecurities could lead to other interpretations of our actions, for example, in a not too recent Big Brother show in the UK which caused a huge furore both in the UK and internationally over allegations of racism and bullying, it appeared that there were three very insecure young women attempting to deal with their insecurities by tormenting another young, but older woman different from them in every wayÔÇŽclass, comportment, education, wealth and finally ethnicity or colour if you like which gave rise to allegations of racism.

My advise to ladies is to direct your attention inward, take stock of your own personal God given or cosmetic enhanced assets, look deep inside yourself, to find the root of your insecurity.  Clearly, looks alone can never be the basis of an ongoing successful relationship.  Indisputably, all that glitters is not necessarily gold.  By definition, all that is purely physical wanes with time, and dedicating one's life and efforts to the maintenance of youth and beauty (face lifts and cosmetics notwithstanding), will ultimately prove futile. Hence, if physical beauty is the exclusive criteria and basis for a relationship, it is doomed from the outset.  For a relationship to succeed, your sense of self-esteem must flow from inside, from inner substance. You need to feel good about yourself.  My friends usually tell me that I love myself too much.  True, I have a very high sense of self worth.  This vital attitude can be generated only by doing things that are enduring and respectable. See yourself as a worthy human being, giving, contributing, learning, becoming, and making a difference. Only then you won't be so vulnerable and dependent on the opinion and the approval of others, and perhaps, more importantly, you will feel yourself worthy of your friends, relatives, partner's or spouse's permanent attention.

A healthy sense of self worth, borne out of an emotional and intellectual journey, is the best antidote to the insecurities that might threaten one's equilibrium. There are times that outside intervention - i.e. Psychologist, a good friend or relative - might be helpful in charting a positive direction towards self-esteem. Before one can love another person, they must fist love and believe in themselves.  Charity begins at home!