Reading my namesake's article on men, I could not help but post this article on the same topic which I wrote sometime ago.

Look around our local communities, be it in the social, cultural or political sphere.   What do you see?  The statistics of men, who have hurt, killed or maimed their female or male victims for one reason or the other.  Yes there have been female murderers as well but you and I know that these numbers do not compare to the numbers of male perpetrators of violence and crime.  Some of our young men are growing up in neighborhoods where the lure of street highs, anti social behavior, addiction to alcohol and drugs tempts even the best and brightest children into gangs of self-destruction. And our sons are particularly at risk. Why?

The reason is not far fetched.   Mums are known to sometimes spoil their kids especially their male children.  In Africa, the very much sought after male child is treated with huge respect.  In some cases, he is referred to as “junior” (junior daddy).  He is taught to behave like daddy, big, strong, tough, macho, protective and not allowed to cry or show his emotional side. 

Mums and other members of the community waste no time in reminding him that he is a man and as such is not allowed to betray any emotions.   Crying is for girls and weak men, he is often admonished.  The implication of this is that boys are not allowed to display their vulnerability.  They bottle things up in the name of being strong.  We seem to make them believe that hardness is part of being a man therefore; our boys grow up as little clones of our expectation of men. 

Since a lot of mothers are charged with the responsibility of raising their children (when there is a family breakup, most mums get custody of the kids), the question is how do we raise future men and leaders who can say no to alcohol, drugs, rape, war crimes and other destructive behavior? The answer lies in allowing them to be themselves like letting them cry if they have to, betraying their humanity by showing their soft sides and teaching them to say yes to self-esteem, compromise, strong values, love, respect and the future.   The idea that boys would be boys should be called to question at the first signal that things are fundamentally wrong with some of our boys.  

Another problem is that if children are raised in an atmosphere where violence and aggression are the order of the day, then they will grow up as tough, aggressive and violent young men.   For example a male child sees dad striking mum every now and again so he thinks it is legitimate (some women strike men as well, although they are quite few).  This is not right either.

As we know, there are many concepts of the family today.   The concept of the word family is as diverse in every sense of the word today.  Those days are gone when the traditional family was made up of father, mother and children.  In addition to the traditional family system, these days a family could comprise of two men with children, two women with children, a single mum or dad with children, etc.  In raising children in these diverse families, mothers are often faced with a herculean task of having to make the best judgment or decision for the child especially a male child.   There are questions about role models and having a father figure in the house, etc. 

Whether children are raised in one parent or traditional family set ups, what is important is that they are taught good character, integrity, respect, and responsibility, steering them away from trouble, toward good citizenship.

For many boys, the attraction to alcohol and drugs is an important rite of passage into manhood leaving mothers to be extremely vigilant. Often the only leaders or financially successful men they see are pop stars who might be hooked on drugs themselves, those who spot weird hairdos and wear their trousers on their hips rather than on their waists, ‘home boys’, or better still those who deal in drugs and other illegitimate businesses. These young men with their criminal behavior and destructive values too often become important role models for our young sons.

In conclusion, we should strive to incorporate several actions and attitudes into our relationships with our male children to help them become strong enough to resist negative influences and values by making an effort to know them more intimately.   We must strive to know their friends and the company they keep in this day and age of globalization and extreme peer pressure.

We can teach our sons lessons in consistency and reliability, by showing good example and making them accountable for their own behavior, and yet never be afraid to show them affection and not chastise them for showing emotion. Boys also need to see men express vulnerability and tenderness so they can accept those responses.  Children they say, live what they learn.

Robot  # 1 | 18.01.2008 07:51

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