'Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel."

- Henry Kissinger

I need someone to help me sort out my feelings. I need someone to help me navigate the swirling sea of my emotions. I need someone to help me isolate exactly what my feeling is towards the official country of my birth. I do not know if I am genuinely patriotic. I do not know if I am just putting up a front. I do not know if my patriotism is innate and unconsciously expressed. And I do not know if my patriotic exudations are contingent upon favourable conditions or circumstances. Have I been a patriot of convenience? I really do not know.

I guess that someone would be able to help me as to which is which in this circumstance. When any reasonable decision maker wants to solve a problem, it is one's belief that there are certain basic steps to follow. This would include first of all identifying the problem, seek out the antecedents or what is called 'triggers" in psychological terms, and developing the stratagems to solve the presenting problems before practically engaging such.

I have tried to help myself out in relation to this issue by adopting the above procedure. But I still find myself unsure whether I am actually patriotic to Nigeria and express that innately and unconsciously or whether my patriotism is conditional. Or is it possible that it is hallucination on my part that I am conditionally patriotic to Nigeria because that is what the conscious part of me wants for reasons that are obvious? Am I in denial of my true feelings for Nigeria ?

Yes, Nigeria is now 45 years old. It is not a source of pride but of frustration. It can not command the loyalty of a frustrated citizenry but the zealotry of kleptomaniacs. It has become the playground of criminals from OBJ (Olusegun Butcher Junior) to IEB (Ibrahim Evilgenius Babaoran). Yet, Nigeria remains what Nigerians can still call their own. Nigeria is like a once beautiful car which was a source of pride to its owner. Having been abused in its usage, it has now become an albatross, a financial drain to the owner. It has become resistant to repairs and the owner has had to abandon it. The tyres are gone. The windscreen is gone. It has become worse than decrepit. The owner wakes up every morning to be greeted by the ugliness of his once beautiful car. The car has now become an environmental hazard. The goats and the hens have taken it over. Yet the owner is unable to discard it, holding on to it as a tragic funnel to good old memories, a contact of the frustrating realities of the present and the disconnected hopes of a promising future.

I am not sure if the above analogy describes the state of my mind, though it is the reality of the majority of helpless Nigerians. But I sincerely do not know the honest answer to this. What I have discovered is that though I feel betrayed by my country of birth, I really dislike it when citizens or governments of other countries disparage her. I loathe my country of birth for the injuries it has caused me emotionally and in all other ramifications. But I really could not tolerate it when it becomes the butt of unfair criticism from other governments or citizens of other countries. I am usually frustrated by the media of my country for glossing over its problems most of the times, but I become very annoyed when I see the media of other countries portraying Nigeria in negative light and never see what is good in its people.

But I have difficulty to consciously accept what appear to be innate patriotic feelings for Nigeria . I am trying very hard not to love Nigeria . But the more I try, the more I realize that I really do. The more I try to hate Nigeria , the more virulent I come to its defence at any slightest opportunity. The more I see reasons to denounce and deny Nigeria , the more I am helplessly attracted to it. The more I become frustrated about its mounting misfortunes, the more I sincerely wish that something would intervene to turn things around.

I do not want to delude myself that I am actually in love with Nigeria , because I really do not know. All this could be infatuation, which is fleeting, shallow and short-lived. I am still trying to dissect my feelings and really isolate what it is really about, because I may actually be in love with Nigeria and not know it. Or I may be in love with Nigeria , know it, but try to deny it because of my frustrations about its mounting misfortunes.

I have always believed in the country called Nigeria . I can not say whether I slipped away from Nigeria or whether Nigeria slipped away from me. At the point of my graduation from Great Ife, there was no doubt whatsoever about my patriotism for Nigeria . I was excited by my posting by the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) to Benue State . But unfortunately, the experience in the 'national service" provided for the first time the water that tried to douse the fire of my patriotism.

As an idealistic young university graduate, I was disappointed and despondent as a result of the experience that I would not share here. But I had just had my first experience in the gap between idealism and reality. I tried to do some critical self examination to see if I had been unduly sensitive. I tried to see if I had been unduly idealistic and less cognizant of reality in relation to beautiful ideals I had for Nigeria . I remembered the admonishment of one of my very brilliant lecturers, the indefatigable and highly principled Dr. Segun Osoba (not the same as former Governor Segun Osoba of Ogun State ) who always stressed that the true value of an ideal was its true relevance to the contextual reality for which it was being conceived. I tried to convince myself, that I was at fault for being less cognizant of the reality.

I tried to accept that the student politics that we played was too 'beautiful" to be replicated in the ugly waters of the politics of the larger society. At Great Ife, it was not difficult to decide on whom to vote for regardless of his or her origin. It was about ability to convince the rest of the students with 'big grammar" and good manifestoes among other things. You were never really concerned about rigging, because we trusted the process and those chosen to oversee them. But this was not to be the case in the larger Nigerian context.

Since then, there has continued to be relentless ebbing of my patriotism as event after event continued to render untenable the basis of my loyalty to Nigeria . On the whole, I have come to the conclusion that Nigeria has betrayed me. My hopes for it have become unrealizable. With several disappointments about Nigeria manifesting on daily basis, I guess, that I have become repulsive to being loyal to such a gigantic failure of a country.

Now, I find that I am more receptive to the idea of an Oodua nation. The Yoruba people believe that they have been bogged down by an albatross called Nigeria and have not had the opportunity to sustain their own development. They feel it might be better to go it all alone. Despite not having difficulty to accept this idea and nurture it in my thoughts, I discovered that I am reluctant to give up on Nigeria . I looked at the unending tragedies and the concomitant miseries that are daily eviscerating in the Niger Delta region, and I am prepared to accept their request for some autonomy and resource control, and if possible, a country of their own, yet I find that I am reluctant to give up on Nigeria. I observe the fate of the Igbo people and their perpetually futile struggle for power in the Nigerian equation, their continued frustrations about being marginalized (real or imagined), and their resuscitation of their Biafran dreams, I want to give them the choice. Yet I am still being nudged by some feelings culminating in the reluctance to give up on Nigeria .

I looked at the non-monolithic North and get a sense that they do not really know what they want whether to stay with Nigeria or break away to form an Islamic theocratic nation? I feel good that they have these choices open to them. I would not oppose their choosing any of it. But I am still sensing a reluctance to give up on Nigeria . I looked at the minorities in the middle belt of Nigeria , I see lack of progress for their decades of influence in the federal government of Nigeria and I sympathized with their frustration. Yet I am still reluctant to give up on Nigeria .

Does this reluctance have anything to do with being patriotic to Nigeria ? I am not sure. Is this feeling a result of the fact that this is the only country I have always known? It may well be the case, but I really do not know. Or is this because my Yoruba people are still 'trapped" in the quagmire called Nigeria ? It is possible, but I am not sure. Is it possible that I will not pick another viable alternative in an Oodua independent nation if it presents itself? I really doubt it if I will not. But not without some thoughts about Nigeria and probably as a last resort - which is approaching real fast. Will I be willing to go with a Nigeria that will help fulfill the hopes of my Yoruba people in the context of the hopes and dreams of other peoples of Nigeria ? Definitely and unquestionably so.

Then I might have an idea of what I am feeling and probably looking for. This might be akin to what the Greeks and Romans of old had. According to G.W.F. Hegel in 'The Positivity of Christian Religion," the Greeks and Romans of old only 'obeyed laws laid down by themselves, obeyed men whom they had themselves appointed to office, waged wars on which they had themselves decided, gave their property, exhausted their passions, and sacrificed their lives by thousands for an end which was their own. . . ."

No honest Nigerian could claim the above to be true of Nigeria . Does this explain why it is possible for many of us to have conditional patriotism towards Nigeria and unconditional patriotism to our primordial origins? But why is this so? Is my primordial feeling towards my Yoruba origin so strong that I can not extricate myself from it for a higher purpose and ideal as promised by Nigeria ? I doubt this very much. Then, is it Nigeria , which is unable to appropriate this strong feeling as a foundation for the higher ideal it can represent in terms of a country, as a result of its repeated betrayals? Most probably so. Could it also be that there is something akin to the Greeks and Romans of old existing within the various ethnic nations that make up Nigeria that Nigeria has failed to take advantage of? I would think so.

The fault may not so much be in me for angling for conditional patriotism towards Nigeria if you come to examine the objective reality. Unlike the Greeks and Romans of old, I am being made to obey laws that I had no role in legislating, I am being forced to obey the men in which I have had no role in appointing to office, others have been forced to wage wars which they did not partake in its decision and our collective properties have not been given by us to them but forcefully taken from us with impunity. Hence, I, like others, have no passion to exhaust for Nigeria and definitely unwilling to sacrifice my life for an end which has never been mine!

Yet, the potential of a strong, big, united and richly endowed country is hard to ignore. The hope and the realization of these potentials constitute a source of pride in itself. It leaves that question mark that 'what if it can work?" or 'what if it eventually works?" Then, you look back and the question nags at your heart 'for how long are we going to remain in the wilderness?" 'Can man live on hope forever?" There, the internal love/hate wrangling gets a rebirth and the confliction is sustained.

But there is no doubt that I will love Nigeria to be able to live up to the expectations pointed out above as well as others not mentioned herein, and thereby be able to command my loyalty. I know Nigeria can command my loyalty. I can be patriotic to Nigeria . But I am not sure if I can promise unconditional patriotism the way I can guarantee it for my Yoruba nation. Why this is so, I am still trying to find out. I however, do believe that unflinching patriotism would serve Nigeria well. And this would be good enough to implant the idea of Nigeria as an 'invisible and higher reality" for which to strive.

Even then, this relative clarity of my inner thoughts does not explain my desire to always want to defend Nigeria when others attack her rightly or wrongly. It is my hope that someone will help me to find out the reasons for this kind of reactions on my part in such situations. It is important to know that I am not in denial.

Robot  # 1 | 07.10.2005 18:24

Link to the article is here

Guest  # 2 | 08.10.2005 19:05

Sir, let\'s help you, er, sort out your obvious confusion. You say you don\'t know if you are \"in love\" with Nigeria, or something to general garbled effect. So the question is: does your Yorubaness (excuse the word) depend on your being in love with yorubaland or the Yoruba people? It is intellectuals like you that are doing the worst damage in Nigeria because you use your education to cause confusion amongst those who don\'t know better. The bitter truth is that we deem ourselves as not permitted, or capable, of bringing about any major change in African sociopolitical spaces until the oyibo man decrees it. No amount of being \"in love\" with, or hating Nigeria changes that, so leave that love talk alone. To view Nigeria from the point of view of emotions alone misses the point. Is it emotions that makes you Yoruba? Answer that.