I Have A Problem--Part 1 of the Series…

MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN----Some graphic/X-Rated Convo®/©

So much has happened and affected my life in the last few weeks, as I imagine in yours too, I want to believe. Are you sharing and giving, or are you just taking as you go along? Well, you should do as you must, but remember, we are here in this rot because our frame of reference/history is so very poor. You are just as responsible as I in passing the baton. Our children, now and for generations to come, need to know what we did and why. I had contemplated not sharing these short clips but why not? Someone somewhere might learn something and utilize this yardstick in re-arranging, re-organizing and re-adjusting his/her life choices. I hope so. Please, allow me…

I made myself very comfortable in the aisle seat on the exit row to the right of the aircraft. The aircraft was half empty allowing for temporary migration of sorts. To my left, in the adjacent middle row, a fairly well groomed man had been sitting on the aisle seat closest to me. He was dark, not taller than 5’9”. In blue jeans, rather bold red t-shirt, brown tweed jacket, brown tennis shoes with two decorative red horizontal stripes across the proximal aspect of the shoes. He appeared decent by all standards. We were about to taxi and obviously, no other passengers were coming on board. Everyone was getting comfortable. All of a sudden, he almost leaped into the middle seat next to me. Followed with my suspicious stare, he obliged and moved over to the window seat, permanently, for the duration of the flight.

He tilted his head to the right, starred at me and flashed a fixed smile.  Not particularly thrilled, I’d noted that same peering smile during boarding. I wondered what it was about. I guess I was in for a treat. Such is the story of my encounters… Na only me?  OK. Here we go…

“Hi… hi…lady, I don’t think anyone else is coming”. I agreed with him in the affirmative. I had to be polite. Quickly, I ignored him and turned to continue my dialogue with my uncle, sitting in the closest aisle seat, second middle row. Apparently, he too had found new interests. Three lovely nuns of various cultural heritage were engaged in introductions with their male peer, a catholic priest, my uncle. Oh well! I thought. I’m sure he’ll find them more entertaining… Resignedly, I sat back and obliged my disturbing neighbor.

Is Paris your final destination?

Stranger (S): No

Where? 

S: Spain. 

Did you vacate with your family?

S: Yes. 

Left them behind?

S: Yes. 

Why?

S: Well…they will join me soon. 

Oh, OK. Still feeling he was peering at me, I asked if there was a problem. 

S: I’ve been looking at you since (tapping his right fingers in the air) 

(Alright, I thought. He’s going to get it!) Shhuo!, do you realize I’m old enough to be your older sister? I added to dissuade his frame of thought…whatever it was.

S: Na lie!

No, it’s the truth!

S: You can’t be older than tarte sontin (30-something in extremely thick pidgin)

Please let’s talk about your vacation experience jare! Forget my side, I said firmly.

S: Hmmm….how u know? I have a problem o (he repeated three times, nodding his head and thinning his smile into a sigh.

Let’s hear about it.

S: you know…I take my eyes undress you tey tey…(glancing at me while pulling away as if in avoidance of a dirty hot slap.)

I grimaced, eyeing him from top to bottom. “Why would you do something that vile?”

S: I told you…I have a problem.

Well, out with it! I half screamed.

S: You know, I think about it all day…

[I shook my head. Just my luck, again, I thought. Fancy a 6 hr flight sitting next to a pervert. I stared at him, not sure whether to hit him or remain contained and civil.]

So, how does your wife cope?

S: She is the only one I lie to. I don’t tell her because she can’t cope. 

What do you mean?

S: Imagine, this my last 2 ‘monts’ (months in pidgin) at home, I had at least 5 times a day. 

Really? (Trying to be as professional as possible as I tried to hide my disbelief) With your wife only? 

S: Ahhh! No o o. At least 3-5 different women a day. (His gaze sought acceptance of some sort) Sometimes, the same ones. Imagine…N8,500 (Naira) in a hotel everyday for 2 monts, plus entertainment monay (money).

How could you afford that? That’s at least half a million quid! Weren’t you concerned you might contract some STI (sexually transmitted illness) and pass it on to your wife and the others? In despair, I wondered about his wife, his marriage and hopes and dreams as depicted here:

S: “Oh I know how to protect myself”. He waived me off.

Wow! You do know that’s not normal.

S: Na im I say…I have a problem (he shook his fist).

How did you pay for all that?

S:I have businesses…

What kind?

S: I have money now… (He frowned at me)

What from? What’s your profession?

S: Leave dat wan…

I insisted.

S: I carry this ‘ting’ now…but e don tey o (frowning hatefully, looking away from me for a brief moment).

Folks…I grabbed and held my purse to my chest so fast, praying he wouldn’t notice, simultaneously hiding my knuckles which must have turned very, very, pale bilaterally.  (Oh shucks! This gets worse, I thought. Just my luck! Really)

Why did you choose to tell me these things (I frowned back)?

S: (Shrugged) I no know… I just wan tell you.

Must be your lucky day… God must love you very much, you know. I think it’s a great opportunity to talk about reasons you might have this addiction… I proceeded to carefully present my psych 101.

S: I no know o…but I have the problem.

Did someone abuse you when you were young?

S: Well, maybe. When I young ehn, I was sixteen, I go visit my older sister wey just marre (marry). For dia now, I dey sleep for this lady house. She old pass me well, well. Na every night o, all night.  (He shrugged again, letting out a sharp hiss) My sister no know…

How did that make you feel?

S: (Shrugged again) Na since dat time…I con be like dat now. I no fit help myself again.

Certainly, you derived no pleasure from that abuse did you? Have you seen the woman since?

S: I no know…I just dey tink (think) am all de time. Ahhh, when I see am again ehn, e no even wan look my face, she just avoid me…

Why do you think so?

S: I no know… (He shrugged again, looking straight at me, looking very sad)

She must have realized that she did something wrong to you. Would you have wanted to confront her with it?

S: Well e… (Uncrossing/re-crossing his legs…a definite sign of honesty, discomfort and stress all at once) I for like to but I say no… I remember say I don start since age 5 or 7 with other little children. Even sef, e bad so tey, e get some houses wey dem no dey allow me enter…

You mean the other parents and neighborhood knew you that well?  So, there was abuse prior to your memory then?

S: Yes, I think so.

Now that you know why you may be like this, will you be willing to speak with a professional about it when you get to your destination?

S: (he peered at me without a response) Shook his head… I go try.

Can you promise you will try abstinence for the 2 weeks before your wife rejoins you? You know condoms are not 100% protective. And you know sex is all in the mind. I don’t want to scare you, but re-consider being with your wife only, if you respect her as you claim. AIDs is no respecter of persons or class. My brother...this life too sweet o, reconsider am sha.

S: Well…(sighing deeply), I go try.

I think you want to be found out and you want to be healed.

S: Hmmm…maybe (looking down at his nails briefly, and then looking up at me with some flicker of remorse).

Are you carrying any drugs now? (I noted that he had not touched his meal, but drank beer. I wondered, no, suspected that he did. I was suddenly afraid for him.  How did he get here…what was his journey…? I thought. I could not fathom all the atrocities to a once innocent child. I thought about all the possible reasons for the demise and destruction of his soul, integrity and conscience. I saw him as a microcosm in the global picture of Nigeria today. I felt an unexplained responsibility for him. I felt I/WE had /have failed him.)

S: No…(shaking his head)

If you were…what if you’re caught or your intestines change in parenchyma…ahh! I shuddered at that very possibility.

S: But they...(I motioned him to stop. I didn’t want to know anymore. I didn’t want to be an accessory to a crime I vehemently abhor…I didn’t want to think about how his life and others he affected will end). 

I didn’t…I didn’t.

His meal was untouched. …I’d heard…well, that would be speculative anyway (I didn’t want the flight attendant suspicious.) I asked if I could eat it.  He agreed and I poured it into my empty plate, returning his now empty plate back to his tray. I cannot tell you why I felt so sorry and protective of this man. In a sea of foreigners, I felt a kin brotherhood. I felt that we had…have failed him, and so many Nigerians, in so many ways. And, we continue to do so with our policies or lack thereof; Policies that should safeguard responsible spending, provision of basic amenities for all our people, which presently, are very minimal and in very scant places in the country. The grim effects of our selfishness, greed and gross irresponsibility have not even begun…

On that night of my departure, I recalled my short, smooth journey, and aesthetic view driving to the airport. The driver had acknowledged Mr. Fashola’s (the current governor of Lagos) strategic plans and accomplishments. The seriously aggressive re-beautification of my town-Lagos was glaring in the nicely landscaped reconstructed roads, many still in progress. He’d commented that although he had not even made N2000 (Naira) for the whole day, he was content with the little he has and knew ‘things’ were looking up for him and his children. He said the potential for making more was possible as he could now work a little later than usual, all due to the re-deployment of touts/area boys from most of the mainland (Maryland area especially) into various rural trade/craft learning centers. If I had not seen/heard it on the news, I wouldn’t have believed him, myself. When we got to the airport, I didn’t have to ask what would make the day worthwhile so he could return home to his wife and children early that night. I’ve known Alhaji more than 7 yrs. I knew where his priorities lied. He was grateful.

I pondered over the marked moral differences between the 2 encounters in one evening. 

An assault on our history…indiscipline…embedded in the fabric of our policies and principles…on the one end of the yardstick. An applaud of our history…honesty, tenacity, contentment and responsibility…on the other. It’s our choice. It’s our lives. It’s all Food for my thought. How about you?

We can check ourselves… We can re-adjust our views. We can re-organize our thoughts. We can allow ourselves to begin to heal…to prepare for a better legacy for our people. Multiple crimes and injustice on the psyche and emancipation of our people…abound.  We have to rectify them all. We should. We must. We need to change…together…now!

Many more to share….many more to come. Thank you for your time, again…

{A new genre of Nigerian music??  Hip-hop, Jazz, R&B, Reggae& Fuji all rolled into one…get ur copy today. Thanks my Stranger & Eni.}

Encore:

“Indiscipline, Irresponsibility, Selfishness and Greed Embedded in the Fabric of our Country”----

Robot  Villager

# 1 ...Read the full article. Posted by Robot| 08.10.2008 23:20

katampe  Villager

# 2 You captured the social problems of the Nigerian nation using an encounter with a troubled man in an aircraft .In the man, we see our excesses, helplessness and bravado as a nation. The man epitomizes the many qualities wrong with Nigeria. Yet, the driver of seven years show that with self restraint there can be hope and there can be faith when there is a leader you believe in. It is little dreams and steady temperament that gives the peace, contentment and fulfillment. Ayomide, that was great story you weaved together up there. Read the story, yet to listen to the music. But will take out time when in a good place to enjoy them. But what is it about the warning on x-rating ? Posted by katampe| 09.10.2008 16:59

emj  Villager

# 3 And, we continue to do so with our policies or lack thereof; Policies that should safeguard responsible spending, provision of basic amenities for all our people, which presently, are very minimal and in very scant places in the country. The grim effects of our selfishness, greed and gross irresponsibility have not even begun… That was a good read, welcome back Ayomide....:eek:, PS>>>...can't get enough of da 9ice song gongo aso...ever since it came out and the various concerts that they've had.....hmm.:) Posted by emj| 09.10.2008 21:24

Dewdrops  Villager

# 4 The quest for hope continues. Posted by Dewdrops| 10.10.2008 03:55

Ayomide  Villager

# 5 Thanks guys. Hi Oga Katamps… I’m humbled by your visit again… So many stories to tell as I see it. Analytical minds like yours to appreciate it. You make my simple words seem more philosophical than I can muster. Thank you. But I no believe dat wan o…you wey be music maestro never hear that beautiful work? I hear u… The disclaimer is in consideration of some comments I read somewhere regarding parents spending time with their children perusing this site. I thought that would/might encourage them to discuss the questions and concerns appropriately with their wards. Sisi EMJ, Thank you for your words of encouragement this difficult season. He who finds friends, they say, finds a good thing. I’m grateful. Tracks 1, 6, 7, 9 and 11 on that album remind me so much of TUPAC. In fact, the whole CD. Can't get enough of it either. I’m glad you appreciate 9ice’s work as well. Sweetest Dew, Aren't we all "questing"? Had that discussion with a friend a few days ago. The analysis of his take on Mr. Wole Soyinka's "Questing" did place a lot more in persective... What else can I do from my small space, but HOPE? Posted by Ayomide| 10.10.2008 13:19

Oluwato  Villager

# 6 Very interesting. We take life one day at a time....:arrow: Posted by Oluwato| 11.10.2008 11:25

Anike  Bibi ire: Agbe Gboko Rosu

# 7 What could the nation have done differently to stop Stranger A from going down the path he is on? He made the choice, did he not? On the drugs, he wanted the easy way out, no? Maybe I am being too hard on him. Maybe I just don't get what it really means to be poverty-stricken. Isn't there always a noble alternative? Maybe not. Parental-guidance is, after all, a luxury. God help us all. Posted by Anike| 05.11.2008 23:05

Ayomide  Villager

# 8 =Anike;286683>What could the nation have done differently to stop Stranger A from going down the path he is on? He made the choice, did he not? On the drugs, he wanted the easy way out, no? Maybe I am being too hard on him. Maybe I just don't get what it really means to be poverty-stricken. Isn't there always a noble alternative? Maybe not. Parental-guidance is, after all, a luxury. God help us all. Ma Sista…. That your angle get as e be o…but let me give u one or two scenarios. In fact, they are in the Part 2 that I’m so hesitant to post for reasons beyond this forum. A friend of mine, a dentist, in Nigeria, said to me: “what do you think we’ve been doing in the last 22 years since you’ve been gone? You think we’ll just hand you the best positions and contracts? Fall in line jo o” . Well, he was right. I didn’t stay the course. He has every right to protect his territory but…hmmmm. Most people, even the peeps that were raised well and under austere and careful up-bringing, when subjected to social, political and economic abuse and injustice, will do almost anything…and I mean anything, to fend for themselves and their families. The lack of moral consciousness is just one of the pervasive and eroding sores of our country. It's really a mess... Someone else said to me "Charity, charity??:rolleyes::rolleyes:, please o o, I don't do charity; before somebody thinks I'm cheap!" This was in response to a solicitation to benefit children at XMAS and beyond. And, from someone, who benefits from the benevolence of charity due to consequences of the ills of our country... Where do we begin??:icon_ques Certainly, you must be aware of prominent families, even in our country, who made their wealth through drug peddling, not to mention other gross and pernicious forms of enrichment, correct? I know that you know… Having said that, yes, Stranger A made the choice. Perhaps wrongly when juxtaposed with the ideals of “Social Consciousness” but who’s to say what is wrong and right in Nigeria anymore?? Who?? Ma Sista, don’t get me going into that zone today. :sad::sad: Were you being too hard on him? No! That’s not the most responsible alternative as we know it. Hence, Alhaji’s situation was piggy-backed as a plausible or noble alternative, which most Nigerians do not particularly embrace. You know, working very hard, being disciplined and conscientious. Isn’t this where we find ourselves, today?? My dear…abeg, may you never know the term “poverty-stricken”, AMEN. It’s not pretty at all, Parental-guidance or not. God help us all, indeed. So bia now, why u de Riskat me today???:p: I’m in a playful mood o…:D:D Posted by Ayomide| 06.11.2008 18:00