Some people are born with the gift of a good personality. They know when and how to smile, which questions to ask and how to make people around them feel at ease. They have good people skills, and with these, they are able to enter places they ordinarily may not have had access. 

For those of us who just can't seem to flow as we would have loved, the responsibility is laid on us to get these skills. Learn it, copy it, or pray for it; just get it.

One of the simplest ways to differentiate yourself and generate presence is learning to say 'please' and 'thank you'. These very simple words can change the way you relate with people and the perception people have of you. No wonder they are referred to as the ‘magic words’.

Some have argued that saying 'please' and 'thank you' is not part of our culture. This cannot but be far from the truth as nearly all of our languages in Nigeria have a word for the two phrases. In Ibo, 'please' is 'biko', the Hausas say ‘ba don halina ba’ and Yorubas use 'e jo'.

Similarly, the Yorubas say 'e se' for 'thank you'. In Hausa, it is' nagode' and in Ibo, it’s 'dalu'. Given the way our culture has been drastically eroded, learning to say 'please' and 'thank you 'will differentiate you and get you noticed.

In seeking to develop a cultured personality and generate presence, the following are a few pointers that may help in your daily journey:

• Saying 'please' each time you make a request on someone depicts your politeness, courtesy and the consideration of the burden (big or small) you have placed on this person. 

• Never forget to say 'thank you' when a task has been completed for you. Any task. 

• Everyone likes to know they are appreciated and their services valued. More than making the other party happy, it is also a reflection of your own attitude towards other people. 

• Remembering to say the two 'magic words' shows you are polite in your dealings with people and this will automatically attract people to you. 

• In a case where several people with similar credentials are chasing the same job or contract, the differing factor may well be an individual’s ability to generate presence by his politeness and cultured behaviour. 

• In a society like ours with a huge population, differentiating oneself is an absolute necessity. Having a good personality does this without costing the giver anything. 

• As much as saying 'please' and 'thank you' edifies the hearer, it certainly certifies the speaker as a person who has respect for himself and who is confident enough to publicly acknowledge the good in other people. 

• So start to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ today to your maid, children, spouse, driver, colleagues, parents and anyone else who has offered you a service. 

• Life is so complicated, and often full of pressure. Saying 'thank you' may brighten someone’s day and relieve them of life’s pressure. 

As it cost us nothing to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, let’s remember, we all benefit when we do things right. EtiquetteBank

Atinuke Badejo atinuke@badejo.com is the publisher of EtiquetteBank www.etiquettebank.com. She is also a Principal Partner at ‘Park Royal & Lagos Finishing School’ – the people, business and national development company.  

Robot  # 1 | 29.04.2009 07:04

One of the simplest ways to differentiate yourself and generate presence is learning to say'please'and'thank you'.These very simple words can change the way you relate with people and the perception people have of you. No wonder they are referred to as the ‘magic words’....Read the full article.

BiafranPrincess  # 2 | 29.04.2009 13:33

I love, love, love this article. Thank you so much for this. I was recently at a seminar teaching people the amazing power of three free gifts: 1. A sincere smile 2. A spirit of Appreciation 3. A soul of Gratitude Your website was also quite insightful. I'll definitely be sending out an email and anytime I'm in Lagos, I'd love to come by your institute......With the chaotic and frantic pace of life, your lessons are really timely. Please, do share some more simple yet insightful pieces and thank you for giving me something to smile about today.

TBos  # 3 | 30.04.2009 00:56

The power of please and thank you is always magical! It transforms situations, difuses tensions and pave ways for those who mastered the use thereof. Do not quote me ask the Canadians! In Nigeria with widespread twisted value system, we have a long way to teach and be sure that our younger ones master this words that disarms like superior weapon. It is possible I believe! Good work Atnuke.