For me, one of the many things too wonderful to understand is the way of a Nigerian with food at parties It’s a huge mystery that I would love to unravel.

In Nigeria, Item number 7 is the ‘menu’ stage and probably the most important at many events. It is smartly embedded between the many other events on the agenda, yet stands head and shoulders above the others in the minds of guests. Failure at Item number 7 is failure for the host and the event. Curiously, at Item number 7, you will see the words ‘Menu, Menu, Menu’. I still haven’t figured out why menu is written thrice. Perhaps it is a reflection of our attitude towards food.

The important issue about Item number 7 is that it sometimes shows the true colour of party guests as it has an uncanny way of bringing out the best or worst in people. Sometimes, you see top people with the means to commission the most sumptuous meal in their homes behaving badly and losing their inhibitions when they see food at a party. It makes you wonder why Item number 7 has such an overwhelming impact on a lot of people, both rich and poor.

At other times, you see people jump the buffet queue, or pile up their plate so much that you ask what on earth a person is doing with pounded yam and salad on the same plate. The fact that it is a buffet and you may go back for seconds does nothing to temper the greed of some people.

I have seen fights break out or people get very angry and abusive towards unarmed waitresses for no other reason but food; often because their table has been skipped by the waitresses at a party. Sometimes this is a case of cronyism on the part of the chief hostesses, but oftentimes, it is simply due to the overwhelming demand for food by so many people.

I am sure many of my readers have been to parties where the food is finished by the time it gets to your turn on the buffet line. In cases like this, you may be surprised to find out that the food was prepared for double the number of people present. No doubt most people will salivate at the sight of the spread of various kinds of delicacies but is a persons’ dignity and self respect not worth more than food?

My husband and I were once invited to celebrate the Nigerian Independence day at the High Commissioner’s House in London. After the formal part of the event, we were invited to proceed to the tent set out for the well-laid buffet. One peep into the tent sent us back as the very distinguished guests were rather unruly, crowding over what we figured out was the food service point. There was no way we were going to be part of the scramble for food.

If you find yourself at a buffet, the following points will serve you well:

· Allow the guest of honour, the elderly or the disabled to go first.

· Do not overload your plate.

· While serving yourself, only take an adequate portion keeping in mind those who are in line behind you.

· Do not return to the buffet line until everyone has gone through once.

· If you are desperately hungry before you go to a party, eat before you leave home.

We all benefit when we do things right! EtiquetteBank

Atinuke Badejo is a Principal Partner at the ParkRoyslFinishingSchool www.lagosfinishingschool.com and the publisher of EtiquetteBank www.etiquettebank.com

Robot  # 1 | 24.09.2008 02:45

...Read the full article.

Domeremember  # 2 | 24.09.2008 06:52

I heard that the NASS will soon introduce lunch sessions into their work. Ithink this should be sent to them so they can show good example and may be they can make it into a law or is it a "decree" or "fiat"?

tanibaba  # 3 | 24.09.2008 11:21

your article reminds me of something i picked up at NVS last week "if you observe all the rules you miss the fun" I am not unruly, but honestly there were enough leads in your article to suggest that you missed the fun when it comes to Nigerians and food. especially at parties. There are always the comical aspects to these things especially from unexpected quarters. You need to do a little bit more research. Why will a man whose wife cooked a pot of soup insist on going out to enjoy peppersoup. Why do we relish good food. A friend recently complained that white people dont know how to cook and that their culinaries are boring. Why am i suddenly hooked on chinese food? Does it remind me of "imooyo" - a delicacy made from crab, shrimps etc in lagos in those days. Why is pepper emphasised in our food? Is there something exciting about our foods. My sister your list is good but it will deny us of the fun. You may want to see "mogbo moya" by the Obeys to understand some of these things There is also the greedy aspect of Nigerians which Dr. Abati once dealt with using buffet as a metaphor good piece taslim

draftman  # 4 | 24.09.2008 12:33

I concur with tanibaba, your suggestion will make party less enjoyable. One of the reason for attending a party is to have fun, and food is part of that. If you fill your plate with few things, you are taking a chance that your favourate dish will be gone by your return for second, therefore you try to get everything at once, plus you don't want ppl think you're greedy by going again. Somebody else food just taste different from your wife's own. It is part of social activities to eat and enjoy with friends. When you see abundant of food, you just want to try them. Since you're at this etiquette topic, What's up with these africans eating amala, iyan, and fufu with fork & knife, who are try to impress, believe me you'll enjoy it better by using your hand, like our mama taught us, we take this western convert too far.

smartomoge  # 5 | 24.09.2008 16:12

I cannot believe the replies so far!! The bad behavior at nigerian parties is called "enjoyment"? Really? REALLLLLLY?? This is a pertinent topic, that needs to be addressed among our people. You would think that people have never seen food before the way adults - well to do adults- behave around food. I totally agree with the writer, and think people need to think about the way they behave in public. Leave a little for the people coming behind you, and if they are serving people table by table, abeg, wait for your turn. Even at parties, people trying to do man-o-man. Calling chief bridesmaid to serve their own table specially!! C'mon people, its atrocious. And people saying that is part of the enjoyment!! :rolleyes:

bubbles  # 6 | 25.09.2008 01:30

I don't think the behaviour is peculiar to Nigerians alone. People generally have a heightened sense of entitlement especially when it comes to things that are supposed to be free. It is distasteful though the way people sigh and grumble as if the food will finish before it gets to their turn. And the way they pile food on their plates... in one word GREED!

Gbolly  # 7 | 25.09.2008 18:22

Greed is innate in all of us, some people just don't know how to manage it.

purple  # 8 | 27.09.2008 00:43

Mrs Badejo, I thoroughly enjoyed your contribution about item 7, which is the most important part of any gathering in Naija. Without item 7, parties are no fun. Naija people time their entrance to parties to coincide with item 7. All other parts of the agenda are largely irrelevant till the aroma of fried goat meat wafts across the agbo. Naijas tend to rush for stuff even when there is enough to go round. It just makes it more fun. Naija mamas, even papas actively seek take-away from parties. It goes with the iya kaabo, omo ku le (Welcome my mama, welcome my pikin) part of us. Adults tend to bring back little treats for the little people in their household :biggrin:. Hence the roomy bags they carry to parties to lug home the goodies. Buffets are not really compatible with us o. What is it with the going back and forth some service table to serve itsy bitsy portions when you can pile it high and wolf it down in one fell swoop. Remember Chinua Achebe's vivid description in Things fall Apart of a party where the fufu was piled so high, relatives could only see and greet after the mountain was made low? We have come far as a people, from the serving food on large trays for everyone to eat in harmony to this finishing school approach of delicately cut dainty cucumber sandwiches. Hope to read more from you. Thanks