Valuing other people is one of the greatest resources we can possess as human beings. It is a resource that is also free to possess and is based mainly on our ‘choice’ to own or not to own. When you ‘choose’ to place a value on other peoples’ lives and time, you in turn place yourself in a position of respect.

A key reflection of the value we place on people is the ‘ability’ to respect and value their time. This is a moral issue that is often played out when we get invited to functions, meetings or arrange an appointment.

For functions, often, many people choose to be guided by the time that others are expected to arrive and thus decide to arrive around the same time. This means they arrive late not because they want to, but because they believe other people are going to be late. Their argument is ‘why should I be kept waiting for doing the right thing?’ So they choose to be late. We romantically and nonchalantly refer to this arrangement as ‘African Peoples Time’ or ‘African Time’. This is a social problem which haunts our society and is a bane to our national development.

In business, a meeting is arranged with plenty of notice only for the day to arrive and the person who called the meeting arriving late or not turning up at all. Everyone else has made the effort to get there early for this meeting but somehow the person who is facilitating has an excuse for coming 20 minutes late. Admittedly, there are uncontrollable circumstances; however, some people simply choose to hide behind the numerous excuses they can give for their poor time keeping and what can frankly be described as a very rude attitude to others. It makes you wonder if everyone is not facing the same challenge of traffic when people casually say they were delayed by traffic.

Valuing people is simply putting other people into consideration when a meeting or appointment is set so that you do what is necessary to ensure you arrive in good time. This is for no other reason but that you do not keep someone else waiting for no good reason. It speaks of good breeding and respect for others when you value them by valuing their time.

A friend once told me that most of the books he has read in the last year has been done whlist being kept waiting for appointments. In order to change our attitudes in this regard, we must put ourselves in the picture. How would I feel if someone has wasted my time? The truth is that we all detest being kept waiting by people or even processes. When we think of how we feel, we must also try to consider how other people feel when we do the same.

In our society, it seems to be an acceptable norm that anyone bigger than you can keep you waiting. It is an unholy emblem of importance to do so; for example artisans asked to assess a job and provide a service often find that they arrive at the site and are told to ‘wait’. ‘The wait’ for the ‘big’ man could run into hours, obviously because the ‘big’ man’s time, in his estimation is much more important than that of the ‘small’ man.

Also professionals who have booked an appointment find they need to call a few times to confirm and re-confirm the appointment, otherwise they run the risk of arriving and being told that ‘the manager is in another meeting’, ‘has just gone out’ ‘is not in the office today’ or the really funny one ‘not on seat’.

I was once told of someone who was asked to ‘take a seat and wait’; the host in this case was only a corridor away and her voice could be heard clearly on the phone as she made and received several calls, just casual friendly calls. This case of ‘take a seat and wait’ turned out to be a six-hour wait! It turned out that the high powered host was teaching the guest a lesson in remembering that despite their recent familiarity, they simply were not on the same level. Unfortunately, no one ‘taught’ this type of lesson forgets in a hurry.

Valuing another person is as simple as respecting their time, knowing that no matter how big and how busy you are, no one should be disregarded and left waiting for no justifiable reason.

The following are a few guiding points to assist in valuing others and their time:

1. Life is lost in waiting; make it your principle never to keep anyone waiting unneccesarily.

2. Get a diary and log your appointment as you make them, or as soon as possible after you make them.

3. Use your phone or PDA to set a reminder a week or a few days before the meeting.

4. If you are unable to make a meeting for any reason, give enough notice to the other people attending the meeting.

5. Set out early on the day of a meeting factoring in any eventualities like traffic or any other form of delay.

6. It is to your advantage not to have a bad reputation for time keeping.

We all benefit when we do things right. 

Atinuke Badejo (atinuke.badejo@etiquettebank.com) is the publisher of Etiquette Bank www.etiquettebank.com and Principal Partner at the ParkRoyalFinishingSchool www.lagosfinishingschool.com

Robot  # 1 | 24.06.2008 10:03

Valuing other people is one of the greatest resources we can possess as human beings. It is a res...Read the full article.

Jagunlabi  # 2 | 24.06.2008 10:28

Thank you very much for raising this important point, it points to our lack of appreciation of time for ourselves and others. And this destructive habit for making people feel the import of your position by making them "wait on you" just shows your own lack of awareness. It does not show any level of importance, rather one of ignorance, you are not less important when you make people wait hours for things that should take minutes. It benefit everyone as the time lost would have been use in another productive endeavour, so the so call big man/woman losses, i lose, the nation losses as a whole in less productive time.:sad::sad::sad::sad:

draftman  # 3 | 24.06.2008 12:21

You're very correct. The problem I have is when I arrive on time, pp think I've living under a rock, and don't know that 9 appointment mean 12midnight. Wish make me missed my appointmnet often, bcus pp don't mean what they say. How do you know when to show up. By the way, it is a myth that this an african thing, order national do the same, maybe not as widespread as us, we need to see the good in us. Please spread the world, let's start respecting each other's time. If I think you will be late, and you think I will be late, how can we make time.

FoxCatcher  # 4 | 24.06.2008 17:17

Hmmmmmmm:sad::sad::sad: Etiquette???? How many Nigerians understand the term; or are even familiar with it??? Even our so called elites? 30 odd years of militarisation have turned Nigerians into a nation of ruffians who largely see courtesy and humility as signs of weakness and 'mumulity' Whether boarding a bus, driving thru a junction or other activity that requires considering a neighbour; you'd think we were a people at war. 'Bigmanism' starts from the very top. It's officially called 'protocol'. This allows the 'biggest man' at a function to keep 'smaller men' waiting for hours on the premise that he should not be kept waiting. The endless wait is always cured by 'apology' (in some cases) and explanations of important state functions. This officialese then trickles down even to our clans and extended family settings.:frown::sad: Still, ur write up is a step (hopefully) in the right direction Ma'am. Pls keep it up.:arrow::idea: Ciao

emj  # 5 | 24.06.2008 20:09

Welcome to NVS Atinuke.....and thanks for this refreshing article. Valuing other people is one of the greatest resources we can possess as human beings. It is a resource that is also free to possess and is based mainly on our ‘choice’ to own or not to own. When you ‘choose’ to place a value on other peoples’ lives and time, you in turn place yourself in a position of respect. And thanks for this >>>> Also professionals who have booked an appointment find they need to call a few times to confirm and re-confirm the appointment, otherwise they run the risk of arriving and being told that ‘the manager is in another meeting’, ‘has just gone out’ ‘is not in the office today’ or the really funny one ‘not on seat’ I've had to do the above several times.....re-confirm, or u run the risk of several No-shows...could as well be doing something more worthwhile with my time than waiting for a client who has completely forgotten that they are meant to be meeting with me. Valuing another person is as simple as respecting their time, knowing that no matter how big and how busy you are, no one should be disregarded and left waiting for no justifiable reason. Whether it is a meeting or outing, one shld at the minimum convey to the other party or parties that they are likely to run late, or are running late......one gets tied down unnecessarily....i hate time-wasters:cool: Atinuke, i very much look forward to more lessons on etiquette from you.....you are indeed a breath of fresh air...WELCOME:arrow:

maxsiollun  # 6 | 25.06.2008 11:46

What I never understand is how Nigerians can act with such civility and respect in western countries, but then be so tardy and indisciplined back in their own country.

Caeser  # 7 | 27.06.2008 01:36

=maxsiollun;4295060563>What I never understand is how Nigerians can act with such civility and respect in western countries, but then be so tardy and indisciplined back in their own country. Nigerians acting with civility and respect in western countries? Man mi, you need to visit the UK or the social welfare offices in Ireland to see to see our compatriots at their uncivil best. Afterall, it was in the UK that an airline pilot had to hit the 'eject button' to disgorge close to two hundred Nigerians- mostly Hausas and Yorubas- for being unruly and uncivil on an aircraft- a world record by any standard!