by Akinseye Agunloko
I sat outdoors in a restaurant listening to a gory tale of how a Nigerian family man entrusted to take care of a seventeen year old girl in America raped the girl and to add to the incredulity of the story he had his own daughter who was the same age as the girl living right under his roof along with his wife and his other child. Before we start thrashing the man as a jobless low life, this man is a medical doctor in this bustling American suburb, he is also an active and respected individual in the Nigerian Society in this American suburb and he is well known professionally and socially in this American city. So I expected the next part of this sordid tale to be that the case was promptly reported to the police and our doctor would continue his practice in jail, but the reason the whole story came up was that the man had just apparently passed us in his gleaming Lexus…so why is he not in jail? Well the story goes that through the “intervention” of the Nigerian community and lobbying and frantic begging of his wife the case was swept under the rug, the doctor’s prestige in the community was at risk, also the blemish this would have on the Nigerian community living in that town, with all the stereotypes Nigerians have to fight why add this one? Another curious reason was the plea that people should pity the doctor’s family and it also did not help since the victim is believed to be illegally staying in the US, so the last place she wants to go to is the police. So the story goes the girl was moved to another relative, her parent were appeased (or shown the hopelessness of the situation) and the story swept under the rug, it is deemed by all concerned that the stigma of the crime would be enough punishment for the doctor!
I was deeply worried about this story and my hosts (my brother and his wife) were shocked at the amount of empathy and righteous anger I was exhibiting, my sister-in-law irritated at my constant harping on the issue and my condemning the complicity of the Nigerian community in this crime would later ask me seriously “the Nigeria you are coming from do you know how rampant this is..shebi this is the one we know of, how about the thousands of victims in Nigeria that never find a voice?” Over the past few months upon my return to Nigeria, I have been particularly sensitive to this issue, I started taking a curious look at the whole situation and I saw that though there are well written laws to protect the Nigerian child especially the Nigerian girl child, I saw that the cultural, social and economic avenues to abuse the Nigerian girl child is criminally numerous, the violation of the Nigerian girl child is made easy by the egregious lack of enforcement of well written laws , social backwardness and a social accommodation to this violation of the Nigerian girl child. So though the laws are well written and enforced in America we willfully export our cultural backwardness which serves as hindrance to protecting the Nigerian girl child from her native prey even in a foreign land.
Socially, Nigerians are too trusting about who we place the Nigerian girl child with, we would leave her with about anybody including the numerous “uncles”, houseboys, drivers, gardeners that are in our lives, we have become so immune to the possibility of harm that we constantly expose her to danger. There must be a need for more vigilance, the attitude here is not to shield the girl child in a burka of suspicion or restrictions, but we cannot be too trusting with people we know and especially those we do not know, we should as a society learn to take a healthy interest in where the girl child goes, we must constantly appraise the possibility of harm and always try as humanely possible to create a safe environment for her. The Nigerian society needs to understand that there are cracks in the scenic picture of the village raising the child, the contemporary expanded “village cast” that includes actors with unverified characters or simply put wolves in sheep clothing are a constant threat to the girl child in this age of shifting values, socially we must strive to be conscious at all times of the security of the girl child.
Culturally, despite our progress as a society, there is still an underestimation of the value of the girl child. We are still a society dominated by a “macho fetish”, fathers in society feel undervalued if they have no male child, prayers and fasting flood pregnant wives to have male children, male children are given this cultural pedestal as vectors of the family name and therefore indispensable to a legacy, there is wild jubilation at the birth of a child but a bit louder with the arrival of the male child. This unconscious fetish translates to our poor evaluation of the girl child, she is loved but her importance is not as valued when compared to her male counterpart. It is this warped evaluation that makes us believe that silence on her part when she is violated is for her own good, that in cases where she is preyed on we entertain the thoughts that her “forwardness” invited the crime, or that her chances at leading a normal life would be hampered if the story gets out. It is also this warped evaluation that makes us demand less than justice to protect male predators that have violated her and which also makes us sweep under the carpet her violation for the greater good of the “family”, making the victim of the crime the sacrifice for peace.
Culturally, we have joined in this unholy conspiracy of silence against the rape and abuse of the girl child, we have hypocritically written good laws but have convinced ourselves that speaking out hurts the victim; we have successfully transferred culturally the stigma from the predator to the prey. We have also taught the victim how not to cry, expecting that she forgets her violation for her own benefit and carry the anguish in her forever pontificating that time would heal her; we have deluded ourselves that poison is medicine. We must stand against the accommodation of culture to violations of the girl child, taking the war as far as those cultural values that relegates the girl child to the back seat no matter how inane, though conscious of the natural roles of women in the society the sacrifice of the esteem of the girl child must be culturally resisted. We must encourage victims of rape to come forth and say their story, we must create a safe haven for them rather than whispers of innuendo of their complicity in their own violation, society must fight against making the robbed feel careless but should fight for justice at all costs to those who prey on women especially the girl child.
The state of the economy also plays a part, parents gripped by the poor economy after exhausting all options turn to the children to contribute to the family purse and in doing this sometimes the girl child is exposed to grave dangers. Some parents have no option but to give the girl child as maids to more affluent people exposing her to abuse or the girl child is compelled to hawk wares to help the family exposing her to miscreants and in extreme cases parents themselves trade the girl child for sexual favors or economic gains. The exposure due to economic reasons is always painted as dire and the survival of the family is always weighed against the exposure to harm of the girl child and in most cases the latter is rarely given preference over the former, when poverty is factored into the discourse it is always made to seem that any deprivation to the girl child pales in comparison to the pangs of poverty. We would not fight the abuse of the girl child effectively if we do not recognize that her life should never be weighed against the economic survival of anyone including herself, as a society the role of healthy girls, body, spirit and soul pales in the light of any economic gain which are usually at best temporary not bringing the family or society to any form of prosperity. Society must recognize that there must be an enforcement of age limits before any child can be put to any economic activity and that we must develop the mechanism to protect the girl child from exploitation of any type even by her natural guardians, child bearing could be a universal gift but good parenting is not universal. We must also discourage the demand side for the services of the girl child as maids, shop girls, hawkers under the excuse that we are helping her family, if we really need to help, give her scholarships, help with fees and medicine do not trade her childhood for your paltry pay.
The Nigerian society must wake up to protecting the girl child, of great importance must be the building by parents of an open emotional relationship with the girl child where her comfort, first source of information and refuge is found in her natural guardian. The idea of parenting from afar or the concept of “rearing” children for their own good or for us to show how successful we have made them should be secondary to building enduring relationships with the girl child, the realization dawns that no matter society’s best effort to protect the girl child danger to the girl child from sexual predators would not be obliterated and in situations where they occur, genuine friendship with parents are a great tonic to healing. Many girls today hide the story of their violation from parents and family for fear of rejection or condemnation or because usually they weigh the value of the relationship of their prey (which is sometimes a close family member) and her parents with her relationship with her parents or just plain fear or lack of communication shuts her in. A strong relationship with the girl child helps to enforce the self esteem of the girl child against the cultural barriers we have erected. Society at large must encourage the story of those raped to be aired without any condescending spirit on our part- no action on the victim’s part justifies rape-none at all, to those who are victims their silence is part of the social accommodation of rape as it emboldens predators who conveniently hide under the shadow of silence to do more harm, it is time we all join hands to protecting the girl child and help those victims of rape find justice and healing.
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