IN THE MATTER OF: Vice President Atiku Abubakar in domestic accident, flown abroad on presidential jet – This Day online, Monday 12 March 2007.
The Executive President, Custodian & Pilot-in-Chief of the Presidential Fleet , Federal
Republicof
Nigeria, Aso Rock Villa Abuja
Dear Sir,
APPLICATION TO USE THE PRESIDENTIAL JET
I hereby apply to use the Nigerian Presidential Jet, which I believe is available for use by all apologists of the PDP administration, including money launderers. I premise my application on the extremely urgent need to go and repair a torn tendon, an injury which came about whilst I was going through my daily exercise routine. I now state the reasons why I believe I am entitled to use the aforementioned aircraft, bought and maintained by the resources belonging to the Nigerian people for whom you are presently the sole signatory, trustee, and administrator. The said aircraft had been used to ferry one fair-skinned madam to
Spainsometime ago, in order to attend to the delicate and life threatening condition called tummy tuck! The tummy tuck had been necessary as a matter of public policy and economic well-being of the Nigerian people. That the same presidential jet had been used to ferry the fair-skinned madam back to
Nigeria, after the life-saving treatment abroad. What could not be achieved in
Nigeriawas eventually accomplished in
Spain. It was a round trip, I hear!
The said aircraft had been used to smuggle foreign currency, actually US Dollars, to the
United States of Americaby one ‘Dr’ Andy Uba, a doctor of his own imagination and creation, erstwhile adviser/assistant to the President of Nigeria, and now the gubernatorial candidate of the PDP for
Anambra
State. I hear, Sir, that part of the loot smuggled onboard the Presidential Jet to the
USwas then used to purchase some farming implements for Obasanjo Farms based in Ota. The gift was not solicited NOR DECLINED. Contrary to what your detractors are saying, I hear that the purchase of the farming equipment by the fake ‘Dr’ Andy Uba had become imperative in order to sustain Agriculture in
Nigeria! The said aircraft had also been used very recently to cart the soon-to-be rigged-in Presidential candidate of the PDP to
Germany, to enable him take a well deserved rest from the rigours of electioneering campaigns. I hear that the cost of that visit to the German Spa was footed by the ever obliging Government purse. I hear that it is not true that Yar’Adua had gone for medical treatment in a German hospital, because that would be an indictment of this government and its inability to provide credible health services after eight glorious years in power! No, far from it, this government has got solid health infrastructure record and none of the governmental officials has ever been abroad to receive any medical treatment! In parallel, the achievements of this government in the field of education are incomparable; hardly would you find children of government officials in private schools abroad!
That the said Presidential Jet is now urgently needed to enable me embark on a course of treatment that is geared towards the betterment of the Nigerian people – it will free them from the shackles of poverty for which I know nothing about! Once I have this life-saving operation, I will be in a better state to sprint and run to either the British or American Embassy, or Idi Iroko, when the people finally come calling to collect the ill-gotten wealth I am holding in trust for them! In addition to the above points, I would like to bring to your attention the following cogent reasons. That I had dutifully served this country as a public officer, actually Customs & Excise, for many years. Whilst a civil servant, I had steadfastly collected, invested, and creatively accounted on behalf of the Nigerian people and I can proudly say, like you too, Sir, that I am a Billionaire in Naira and Multi-Millionaire in foreign currency!
As the Presidential Jet is now an Okada normally available to lackeys and looters of the Nigerian treasury, it is my considered view that I am entitled to have it placed at my disposal too! That I am a founding member of the PDP until recently when I stepped on your toes and refused to back your plans to elongate your rule by a stealth amendment of the Nigerian constitution, an action which I now deeply regret but I am too deep in troubled muck to give up now! I hear that because I have kept quiet so far about how we dealt with that Ijesha Attorney General, I have some leverage with you. Frankly, I think it’s time we rounded up some miscreants and blamed his death on them. I hear we can use the angel of death, Baba Alamala, the Garrison Commander, of
Ibadanto rodeo them in before he is called HOME! I hear my friend, the Shameless Advocate of Nigeria, is on his way to the UN and will do anything you ask of him so he should be able to draft the appropriate charges to nab the innocents! He is presently doing a very good job of harassing some smart-nosed lawyers based in the
USwho think that, since there is no justice in
Nigeria, they can get justice in the
United States, for Abiola, Enahoro, etc. Baba, why don’t you send Sergeant Rogers of the infamous Abacha’s regime after them, so that he can teach them some lessons? Come to think of it, I think the police in the US and Britain do not look the other way like our Sunday Ehindero here in Nigeria; they will eventually trace such actions back to us – no matter how long it takes. Still we have to do something stupid, as usual, e.g. charge them all for treasonable felony.
The lawyer we have been paying for Abdul-Salam Abubakar has not managed to win a single motion since the inception of the case so we better do something drastic here - where it does not matter what a lawyer says, or what the judge decides. We should get Bayo to write the judgement and get one of those we have compromised to read it out. And before he or she delivers the judgement, we get the usually obliging obstreperous Bayo … (does his surname means to be scared, as I think he’s taken leave of his senses?) to say to the media what he has decided. Ah just before I go, Sir, I hear those lawyers have a friend in the
UKso we will get him charged too. I hear we may not be able to charge him for treasonable felony….ok we can still charge him for Rape or Armed Robbery….We’ll get that professor of supporting affidavit to just say something. This is a country of anything goes and we must teach those meddling upstarts some hard lessons about…….? Oh human rights…yes …..they are infringing the Human rights of
Nigeriaso we go charge them to court…! You know that
UKboy dey write article (http://www.saharareporters.com/www/article/detail/?id=236), oga, and dey call you and Baba Adedibu Agbaya (old fools)? Yes, I am sure that is enough for treasonable felony. Hmm…ask Bayo Rain!
That I have been using the Presidential Jet in the past, with my girl friends & mistresses, on official duties on behalf of the Nigerian people. You see, I have experience in matters of governance! That my CV speaks for itself. A testament of my recent achievement is that I am now the vanguard for a group of PDP rejects, who believe that changing from one political party to the other (PDP to AC) is enough to cure one of acute lack of political ideas, ideologies or moral convictions! Ah lest I forget, I hear the Presidential Jet was also used recently by that gap-toothed Killer of Dele Giwa on a peace-mission to a neighbouring
African
State! See, even Killers, King of 419, ‘chop I chop’ hoodlums, ‘Egunjee’ General, Killer of Journalists, Killer of the Poet (Mamman Vatsa), use the Presidential Jet! And just like I have never taken a bribe in my life, I have never killed a human being in my life, even indirectly by contributing to the economic death of
Nigeria. Nuhu, why are you after me…haba, no be me alone now! Me sef…I take am for plenty…plenty loans. Sir, I have to interrupt my application now as my dogs are barking in the background and I need to attend to them before continuing…..
In conclusion, my dogs ask if they could also use the Presidential Jet once I have returned from my official trip abroad. I asked them why they ought to be listened to by you and they say the country,
Nigeria, has gone to the dogs! I must stop them now because they continue to bark that the PDP is mostly made up of deranged and rabid dogs, striping the meat off
Nigeria. If we don’t stop them now your loan-acquired chicken and pigs might be encouraged to put in similar requests for the Presidential Jet, knowing that you are always a willing and benevolent sharer of the common loot. I hear…
Postscript
Predictably, Atiku Abubakar, went for the bait and took the offer to fly on the Presidential Jet for medical treatment abroad! It has long been suspected that the Vice President is no different to the other gang of robbers looting
Nigeriapresently, albeit he feigns an amazingly aloof innocence! Here is a man clamouring to be taken seriously on his avowed quest to improve the lot of the Nigerian people, who did not flinch at the first opportunity to take a free ride on the Nigerian people. It does not occur to him and his advisers that he could have rejected Obasanjo’s offer, get on a chartered flight to the
UK, in order to retain some modicum of compassion from the people he hopes, vainly, to govern. No, not the Nigerian politician, ever willing to curry state privileges, favours, rightly or wrongly deserved, which they have never sought to bestow on those who elected them by keeping away from the till of the people! Shameless pretender too deep in moral muck to see the inconsistencies and contradictions inherent in his utterances and actual behaviour. Yes, I know Yar’Adua was flown in a Presidential Jet on the orders of OBJ, a crass leader, who thinks that State resources equals PDP resources; yet, that is no excuse for Mr Vice President to follow suit. Not surprising therefore that the British regards, and describes, him as very corrupt and not fit to succeed an equally moribund leader imposed as caretaker by some feudal has-beens lording it over us!
Politically, Atiku Abubakar, requiescat in pace, ‘rest in peace’
Abdul-Aziz Babatunde Jimoh, London,
United Kingdom. abj@ombcsolicitors.co.uk
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