As the shadow waiteth on the substance, even so true honour attendeth upon goodness. Akhenaton [circa BC1375].

The avant garde social crusader, once again, surprised not, all honest just men when he flatly rejected the national ‘honours’ bestowed on him by the FG. His excuse for declining the sop is tenable; his refusal to ‘come and eat’ is glorious. Ganis legalese was the above lines; his body language was Shakespeare’s immortal quote:

The purest treasure mortal time afford

Is spotless reputation; that away

Men are but gilded loam or painted clay.

Chief Gani Fawehinmi towed the path of honourable men like Prof Chinua Achebe who, at the height of the Anambra infamy in particular and the rape of the motherland in general, threw his medal back at OBJ. We have many more Achebes and Ganis, hardworking honest Nigerians, who not given to façade and tired of the empty shell equally reject the awards, especially this year’s, from their bosoms. Don’t you? I, do.

I do because, as George Bernard Shaw noted: ‘our laws make law impossible; our liberties destroy all freedom; our property is organized robbery; our morality an impudent hypocrisy; our wisdom is administered by inexperienced or mal-experienced dupes; our power wielded by cowards and weaklings; and our honour false in all its points. I am an enemy of the existing order for good reasons’.

Honour, justice, fairness, equity and probity occupy a prime of place in all great religions and statutes- from the Noachian laws to Sharia, Hinduism to teachings of the great one Jesus etc; all sans the ‘Nigerian factor’. The NNH is not what an honours list should be especially in the last few years. The way and manner our NNH is structured would make the late Col Bukar Dimka, Col Gideon Orkar, Major General Mamman Vatsa, and other failed coupists and election frauds, missed honourees since their more ‘fortunate’ brothers made and are making the roll call. The end justifies the means here.

Nigerian National Honours are a set of orders and decorations conferred upon Nigerians and friends of Nigeria every year. They were instituted by the National Honors Act No. 5 of 1964, during the Nigerian First Republic , to honour Nigerians who have rendered service to the greatest benefit of the fatherland. Meanwhile, all recipients of National Honours and medals are expected to conduct themselves always as role models in society. Readers can tell what benefit all the former [military] heads of state and state executhieves have rendered to the nation and the role models they have played so far; yet they are so honoured. Welcome to the world of gazillionaires, Gomorrah, Gethsemane, Golgotha, Golconda; all rolled in one.

GCFR, GCON, CFR , CON, OFR, OON, MFR, MON , in descending order of importance, are some of the titular garlands that Nigerians proudly adorned this year. Truth is, according to Sophocles, always the greatest argument; hence a glimpse of past honourees is my greatest push. Since a fish starts to rot from the head, I have attempted a dissection of the cognomen GCFR:

Gazillionaire Criminal For Remand; Good Concept Frequently Ruined; Gas-and-oil Contractor of Fuels and Refineries; Good-for-nothing Creator of Financial Recession; Gentle Cool-looking Fiendish Ratus ratus; Graft, Corruption and Favouritism Re-invented; Good Case For [psychiatric] Review; Gangrenous Claws For [surgical] Removal; Good Countries Fear [your] Relationship; Giant Cog For Removal; Gap-toothed Criminal Fugitive Rogue; Good Cognomen For Roguery; Garrison Commander of Falderal Region; Generalissimo Contractor Farmer Re-inventor [of values]; Good Cause For Revolution; Gap-toothed Concealing [ill-gotten] Fortunes [in] Remote regions; Genius Crook Finding Reconciliation; Global Crude Falling Recurrently; Genuinely Civilized Fellow Rejected; Generally Condemned Felon Reincarnate; Gruesome Cimmerian Finding Relief ; Generalissimo Clearly For Riddance; Goggle-wearing Caustic Fraudulent Robber; Goggle-wearing Convict of Feudal Republic; Goatee Consuming Fresh Raspberry; Gazillionaire Causing Further Restiveness; Geographically Complex yet Formless Republic; Great Criminal For Rehabilitation; Gestapo Commander of False Redemption; Greatest Crook Feeding Ravenously.

Good Comedian For Rent; Gerontocrats Controlling [ill-gotten] Fortunes Regularly; Good Candidates Freely Rigged [out]; Gifted Children Forcefully Relocated; Galli Convertee For Real; Gangster Controller of Foreign Reserves; Garden [of Eden] Cornered For Revenue; Gate Crasher Forcefully Readmitted; Generally Certified Feculent Rogue; Great Calamity From [the] Rear; Good Comity of Free [nations] Reject; Given Credit For Reactionaryism; Genuinely Creating Fraternity Relations; Giant Currency Factory of [dis]Repute; General [elections) Cruelly Falsified Repeatedly; Genetically Corrupt Familial Rogue; Gone Caliph Fearing Redress; Guarantor of Corruption For the Republic; God [please] Consume [these] Fellows at Random; General Cause of Failure in their Region; Gemstone Candidate Frequently Ruined; Greedyman Coveting Foreign Reserves; Goatee Cheating for Free Ration; Grasping Convict Fearing Retribution; Great Catastrophe Freely Roaming; Gauleiter Craving For Recognition; Great Collaborator of False Regime; Gentleman Crook Freely Rejoicing;; Good Character Forcefully Removed; Gaunt Cerebral Faculty Recreated; Gangster Causing Frequent Riots; Gin Consuming Father of Rejects; Good Culture Forever Ridiculed; Government Controlling Financial Rights; Glutton Consuming [our] Financial Rewards; Goliath of Corrupt and Forgotten Regency; Giant Cesspool of Forgotten Redemption; Girls Collector For Recreation; Giant Codswallop For Real; Great Cabal Fuelling Riots; Grabber-of-land Creating Farms Regionally; Government Contractor Failing Results; Great Conman of Federal Republic; Godfather Cokehead For Redemption; Gargantuan Calculating Fraudulent Robber; Greatest Confusionist For Removal; Gomorrah Creator For Real; Gethsemane Candidate of Final Regime…

And finally, Gani Couldn’t Find [health and] relief and Recovery [here]. Nigerians wish you Gani Complete Form [and frame of healthy] Recovery.

Proud [past] recipients of our national honours include the simpleton Shagari whose regime actually started the mess, the spineless Shonekan that actively collaborated to scuttle our collective hope in 1993, the brash Buhari the terror now flaunting democratic credentials, the satanic Abacha of rotten memory, the blood - and -guts Babangida, the obtuse Obasanjo. Potential serial honourees like Profs Phillip Emeagwali, Gabriel Oyibo, Niyi Osundare, Adebayo Williams, Abiodun Ilesanmi, Yinka Omigbodun, Laz Ekwueme, Pat Utomi, Prof and Prof [Mrs] Elebute; late Prof Nylander, late Prof Sam Akpabot; Nuhu Ribadu, Festus Keyamo, Joy Odumakin, late Tai Solarin, Adam Oshiomhole, Shehu Sanni, Col Umar rtd, Joe Igbokwe, Balarabe Musa, Chidi Ubani, Waziri Ibrahim, Rueben Abati, Fela Anikulapo Kuti, Beko Ransome Kuti; Dr Awojobi, Dr Kote; late Sam Okwaraji, late Haruna Ilerika; Mr Austin Okocha etc are not honoured. But behold Tafa. He is an honouree!

‘A goodly apple rotten at the heart,

O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath’. William Shakespeare

GCFR could definitely not have been Grand Commander of the Order of my Federal Republic . Ah, the national honours list is clearly the opposite of normal OON.  

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the dissection room.  

Robot  # 1 | 22.01.2009 20:28

Ah, the national honours list is clearly the opposite of normal OON. Take a look: Gazillionaire Criminal For Remand; Good Concept Frequently Ruined; Gas-and-oil Contractor of Fuels and Refineries; Good-for-nothing Creator of Financial Recession; Good Case For Review; Gangrenous Claws for Removal; Generalissimo Contractor Farmer Reinventor ; Generally Certified Feculent Rogue ...Read the full article.

WaleAkin  # 2 | 22.01.2009 20:37

Generalissimo Contractor Farmer Reinventor ; This really got me laughing for a very long time.

konkomitant  # 3 | 24.01.2009 05:18

Chief Gani Fawehinmi is morally bankrupt if truly he's defending FAKE DRUG IMPORTERS that NAFDAC charged to court. Did you say he's also defending the controverrsial Nuhu Ribadu? Well, perhaps he's got too much conscience!